


The Scars That Bind Us

by RavensRedShadow



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Aaron/Daryl Bromance, Alexandria Safe-Zone, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, But Just Bromance, Buttons is Alive and Fixes Everything, Eventual Rickyl, Eventual Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Picks up at Episode 5X13, Slight Rimming, Slow Burn, mastubation, some internalized homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-03-22 20:02:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3741862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavensRedShadow/pseuds/RavensRedShadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl saves Buttons and in doing so changes a lot of things. Because that skittish black horse helps him realizes that everyone's got scars and that some of them go deeper than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wild Things

**Author's Note:**

> After all the kudos and wonderful comments on my last Rickyl story I decided to start working on another one and this time I'm attempting a multi-chapter story. Although I've already gotten a lot of this written there are still some parts I'm working on so I'm not quite sure how long this will be. It is definitely going to be at least two or three chapters.
> 
> I got the idea for this story from this lovely poem by Jane Hirshfield. I feel like it really relates to Daryl and Rick and it got me thinking about Buttons. I really couldn't stand that he died so I decided to bring him back because I know he and Daryl would have bonded. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After all the kudos and wonderful comments on my last Rickyl story I decided to start working on another one and this time I'm attempting a multi-chapter story. Although I've already gotten a lot of this written there are still some parts I'm working on so I'm not quite sure how long this will be. It is definitely going to be at least two or three chapters.
> 
> I got the idea for this story from this lovely poem by Jane Hirshfield. I feel like it really relates to Daryl and Rick and it got me thinking about Buttons. I really couldn't stand that he died so I decided to bring him back because I know he and Daryl would have bonded. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

“There are names for what binds us:

strong forces, weak forces.

Look around, you can see them:

the skin that forms in a half-empty cup,

nails rusting into the places they join,

joints dovetailed on their own weight.

The way things stay so solidly

wherever they've been set down—

and gravity, scientists say, is weak.

 

And see how the flesh grows back

across a wound, with a great vehemence,

more strong

than the simple, untested surface before.

There's a name for it on horses,

when it comes back darker and raised: proud flesh,

 

as all flesh,

is proud of its wounds, wears them

as honors given out after battle,

small triumphs pinned to the chest—

 

And when two people have loved each other

see how it is like a

scar between their bodies,

stronger, darker, and proud;

how the black cord makes of them a single fabric

that nothing can tear or mend. “

 

-Jane Hirshfield, "For What Binds Us"

* * *

 

At first, Daryl hadn’t trusted Aaron. He was too calm with a gun pointed in his face, made too many jokes, was even too damn clean. He felt wrong, like a tripwire in a trap that none of them could see. So Daryl had kept a close eye on him, watching every move he made making sure everything added up.

He hadn’t liked him but maybe it was just the memories from the governor and Terminus that made them wary of strangers. And even though Aaron had been telling the truth about everything he wouldn’t say he trusted Aaron completely yet. So when he finds Aaron following him he’s not sure what to think.

“I need your help,” Aaron had said and Daryl followed him with his guard up, ready for anything.

But now standing at the edge of a clearing, staring at a black horse Daryl is struck with the thought that maybe things aren't always what they seem. If Aaron was going out of his way to try and save this horse maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. Even if he was calling the damn horse Buttons.

Daryl took the rope lasso from Aaron and stepped into the clearing. Buttons showed no signs that he saw Daryl but he knew better. He knew horses were prey animals. They’d run given the chance. He’d just have to make sure Buttons didn’t get that chance.

Daryl crept up slowly, his moves deliberate so he wouldn’t accidentally spook the horse. Buttons looked calm for the moment, grazing as if Daryl wasn’t even there but Daryl knew that could change any moment.

“Hey boy,” Daryl murmured letting the horse know he was there, “that’s it ya just keeping eatin’.”

As he got closer the horse stopped grazing his head shooting up, eyes wide. “Easy boy, not gon’ hurt cha.” Daryl soothed, his hands tightening on the rope. He might only get one shot at this.

The horse eyed Daryl and despite being visibly scared he didn’t move. He recognized Daryl as something different from the walkers, somewhere deep down he remembered humans. His flanks quivered and his nostrils flared but the way he was looking at Daryl made him sure that this horse used to have somebody, maybe some young girl that braided flowers in his mane, that had loved him.

“Ya used ta be somebody’s huh?” Daryl took a step forward, barely daring to breathe, “Now yur just yours.”

Maybe he’d had some little girl once but that was a long time ago. Now he was just some wild thing that had almost forgotten that human and what it felt like to be loved. Maybe that’s why he trusted Daryl, even just a little bit. He could see now the recognition in the horse’s eyes. Buttons could see Daryl was that same as him. That he was just some wild thing too.

If he’d been a half a second later throwing the rope, the horse would have slipped through his fingers and they might never have seen him again. But Daryl managed to loop the horse before he took off. The second the rope closed around his neck, Buttons reared up neighing loudly. He pulled back trying to spin and bolt away but Daryl held on tightly despite the sudden sharp pain of the rope burning across his palms.

“Hey, whoa. Easy boy, easy.” Daryl held fast to the rope and after a minute of desperately trying to free himself, Buttons finally realized that Daryl wasn’t going to let go.

They stood there for a moment, man and beast, just staring at each other, neither one ready to back down. Dimly Daryl registered the sound of Aaron taking out a lone walker behind him but his whole focus was on the frightened horse in front of him.

“Not gon’ hurt cha,” Daryl murmured his hands tight on the rope but otherwise trying to be as calm as possible, “yur safe now but if we wait much longer ya won’t be. Gotta come wit’ me boy.”

Finally Buttons seemed to relax a bit, inching forward. “Tha’s it. Come on, let’s get outta here.” Daryl gave the rope a light pull and after a moment the horse followed him back over to Aaron.

Even though his eyes were wide and he was almost prancing in place beside Daryl, Buttons was following him. Somewhere deep in the recesses of the horse's mind he remembered being on a lead and right now that ingrained memory was warring with his fear and his deeper instincts. Daryl was thankful that the horse was at least following him, he knew that in a fight with a thousand pound animal that a human was never going to win.

“You caught him,” Aaron stared, surprised as Daryl carefully led the prancing horse towards him.

“He’s not too happy ‘bout it,” Daryl indicated Buttons, who was now snorting and tossing his head, eyes rolling in their sockets. Aaron aimed over Daryl's shoulder taking out another stray walker coming towards them.

“Let’s try and get him back. He’s drawing some attention.” Daryl glanced over his shoulder where Aaron was pointing at the walkers lurching from the trees.

“No complaints here,” Daryl said gruffly, giving the rope another tug as they quickly made their way through the trees back towards Alexandria.

-

At the sight of the big metal walls of Alexandria Buttons bulked, rearing and almost wrenching the rope from Daryl’s hands.

“Easy boy, easy,” Daryl tried to calm the frightened horse, “Get the gates open.” He yelled to Aaron as he tried to get Buttons under control.

“Open up,” Aaron called and someone on the other side opened the gate. Buttons pulled back again hard, whinnying his distress. Daryl gave another sharp tug on the rope and the horse finally trotted forward towards the open gate.

“Almost there,” Daryl jogged beside the horse leading him in. Once Buttons saw the open space beyond the gate he lunged forward, finally pulling hard enough that Daryl lost his grip, the rope sliding though his fingers. Thankfully Aaron had closed the gate behind them so when Buttons turned to bolt back out the gate he had nowhere to go.

The horse let out a scream and took off, the rope trailing behind him.

“Poor guy’s terrified,” Aaron said walking over to Daryl, watching Buttons galloping down the streets.

Daryl didn’t blame the horse. He’d of felt the same way. After being out there for so long you’d think walls would feel good around you. That’s what the Alexandrians assumed. They thought Buttons would be more comfortable behind walls because they were. But Buttons wasn’t tame anymore, if he ever truly had been. He was a wild thing and for a wild thing the walls weren’t protection. They were a cage.

Daryl knew what being wild felt like. He could see it in the way the horse had bulked at the large metal gates, just as he had. He could see it in the horse’s wide mistrustful eyes as he took in his new too eerily calm surroundings waiting for something to come after him. He almost felt sorry for the horse, caging it up behind these walls. He almost wanted to leave him out in the wild, let him be free. But deep down he knew it was safer inside the walls for Buttons. For all of them. Or at least that’s what he kept telling himself.

After what felt like hours of watching Buttons run around his tail flagging and his nostril flared, it was a relief when the horse finally relaxed enough to graze in someone’s front yard. He still kept a close eye on any person who got too close and would bolt from the kids that tried to go up to pet him. Eventually they gave up trying to chase Buttond and let him be.

“Can’t believe you actually caught him,” Daryl turned from watching Buttons graze to see Deanna walking up the path towards him, “Aaron’s been out there for weeks trying to catch him and he’s never even gotten close.”

“Got lucky,” Daryl shrugged, trying not to show his discomfort. He wasn’t quite sure if he trusted Deanna. There was something about her, maybe her calm no nonsense attitude, that just rubbed him the wrong way. Whatever it was he always made sure his guard was up around her.

“He’s being modest,” Aaron laughed, “there’s no way I would have caught Buttons without him.”

“Well I’m glad that you caught him. I know many of the children are very fond of him.” Deanna smiled. Daryl grunted, hoping she’d get the message that he wasn’t interested in this chat.

“Yeah,” Aaron laughed, “I know they’re excited we finally got him. They were chasing after him trying to pet him earlier.” Deanna frowned.

“Then I think it’s probably best if we get him into the stall as soon as possible. Do you think you could-“

“Hol’ up,” Daryl crossed his arms, turning to Aaron, “whatcha mean put ‘im in a stall?”

“Eric and I set up one of the detached garages as a makeshift stall for him when we first saw him. Never thought we’d actually have a chance to use it.” Aaron shrugged.

“Don’t see no need ta put him in a stall. Least not till he’s settled some.” Deanna's frown deepened.

“I’m just not sure it’s safe having him wandering around. I’ve seen how scared he is of people. I wouldn’t want him to hurt anyone by accident.” Daryl almost laughed. Were they still talking about the horse? He knew Deanna still wasn’t sure what to make of him. He wondered if she wished there was a stall they could lock him up in too.

“Then tell everyone ta leave ‘im alone.” Daryl snapped half talking about Buttons and half talking about himself, “‘s not like he can go anywhere. ‘sides he’s much more interested in all this new grass than gettin’ inta any trouble. Forcin’ ‘im inta that stall now’s just gonna make 'im worse.”

For a second Daryl was sure Deanna was going to argue with him, try and order him to force Buttons into the stall but Aaron cut in. “Daryl’s right. He’s pretty keyed up right now but he’s just getting used to his new surroundings. He’s been out there awhile. It’s probably best to just let him get acclimated before we try to interact with him too much. He just needs his space right now.”

Deanna sighed, “To be honest I don’t know much about horses so if you’re up for it I’ll put you both in charge of his care. If you think he’s better outside I’ll allow it but if he starts causing problems...”

“He won’t,” Daryl cut her off, before going back to watching Buttons.

“We’ve got this Deanna,” Aaron said, “we’ll make sure he doesn’t cause any problems.”

“See that he doesn’t,” Deanna said sharply as she walked away.

“I’m going to go tell Eric about Buttons.” Aaron clapped Daryl on the shoulder, “You good keeping an eye on him for a little bit?” Aaron nodded at Buttons.

“Yeah, ‘m good.” Daryl nodded and Aaron smiled giving Daryl’s shoulder a squeeze.

“Thanks again. Couldn’t have done it without you.” Daryl grunted as Aaron walked away. He might turn out to be an OK guy after all. Maybe he could trust Aaron, he certainly could handle himself. Deanna on the other hand...

He turned to watch her slowly make her way down the street talking to some of the people on their porches as she went. As he watched her he wondered how long she would have survived without this place. There was nothing of the wild in her and if you wanted to survive now in this wild world, that’s what you had to be.

 _Don’t matter really,_ Daryl thought to himself, _she got her cage. So, with luck we’ll never have to find out._


	2. Outsiders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So of course right after I posted the first chapter of this I got a bunch of ideas. I've just been writing non stop so as of right now I have no idea how long this will turn out. 
> 
> I had wanted to post this earlier but I've travelling the last couple days and haven't been able to sit down and do my last few edits until today. So hopefully there aren't too many errors but as always if you see any huge mistakes please point them out to me. Sometimes it's hard to catch your own mistakes.
> 
> Re-reading the last chapter I realized that Rick wasn't even mentioned. So there's a little Rickyl interaction in this one to make up for that. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“I can’t believe it. You really did catch him,” Daryl turned to see Aaron helping an unsteady Eric hobble towards him on his crutches.

“He wanted to come see Buttons for himself. I don’t think he actually believed me when I told him.” Aaron said wryly, walking just behind Eric, watching every step like a hawk.

“Of course I believed you.” Eric smirked trying to nudge Aaron but only succeeding in wobbling on his crutches, causing Aaron to grab his shoulders to steady him, “Would you stop hovering. I promise I’m fine; I’m not a complete invalid. Still a little unsteady that’s all.” He shook his head, righting himself.

“I just don’t want you to overdo it.” Aaron murmured looking concerned as Eric finally made it to Daryl’s side.

“He’s looking skinnier than when we last saw him.” Eric said eyeing Buttons, “Did we manage to keep any of that grain good?” he turned to ask Aaron.

“I think there might be some left. Let me go check. You good here?”

“Daryl’s not going to let me keel over, are you Daryl?” Eric turned to Daryl, who shook his head solemnly.

“I’ll be right back.” Aaron said, casting another worried look over shoulder before disappearing down the street.

Eric snorted, “He can be a little overprotective sometimes. He was like that even before everything happened. He’s always looking out for me. Not that I’m going to complain too much.”

“He’s a good guy,” Daryl nodded stiffly towards Aaron’s retreating back. He felt more at ease with Aaron now but Eric was still basically a stranger.

Eric's smile turned soft, “I know you didn’t have to, so thank you for helping him out with this. It means a lot. To both of us.”

“’s nothin’,” Daryl shrugged uncomfortable with the thanks. It wasn’t like he’d really done it for Aaron anyway.

“No it means more than you know. You don’t think we’ve lost much, I know, and in comparison to you I’m sure that’s true but we’ve had our struggles. For Aaron he was struggling not to lose hope. For a long time the both of us weren't sure that we’d ever find anyone else out there let alone anyone worth saving. You helping him with this, just proves to me that we made the right call bringing you and your group back here. Saving Buttons, helping all of you, I think it’s making Aaron hope again and that’s all I can ask for. So truly thank you.” They stood in silence for a moment, Daryl not quite sure what to say to that.

“Didn’t have much hope either,” Daryl finally muttered, “Seen some bad people out there. Wasn’t sure any good ones were left either.”

“Well, I hope we can convince you we’re some of the good ones. I know you’re still a little unsure of this place. I get it but we need you all here. We’re going to try to make this work. All we ask is that you do the same.”

“Found some,” Aaron called, suddenly reappearing shaking a bucket of grain. At the sound of the bucket Buttons’ head shot up and his ears pricked forward as he looked at them.

"How do ya have any feed?" Daryl asked, curiously.

“On one of our runs not too long after we first saw Buttons, we came across a feed store.” Eric explained to Daryl, “There wasn’t a whole lot left that was still good but we brought back some grain, just in case we ever did manage to catch him. Glad we did.”

Buttons was still just staring at Aaron shaking the bucket. “Here, boy. Got some nice food, come and get some.” Aaron coaxed, inching forward towards the horse.

Looking conflicted, Buttons took a hesitant step forward and for a moment Daryl thought he might come up to Aaron. But after a tense second the horse pinned his ears, before tossing his head and backing off again.

“He’s still too scared to trust us.” Aaron sighed, backing off from the nervous horse, “We should leave it out overnight. Hopefully if we’re not here he’ll feel safe enough to eat some.”

“Good idea,” Eric sighed, shifting his weight on the crutches, “Well I’m starting to feel beat. I’m going to head back and go lay down for a bit.”

“You need some help?” Aaron asked, watching worriedly as Eric started back towards their house.

“No, you need to stay here and talk to Daryl.” Eric said with a pointed look at him, “See you later Daryl. Thanks again.” Daryl nodded in return.

They watched him go for a minute before Daryl turned to Aaron, eyes narrowed.

“Ya got somethin’ ta say?” Aaron shifted nervously but looked at Daryl with a determined look in his eyes.

“Before we caught Buttons out in the woods you knew it was me following you. You know how to track people, how to distinguish them from walkers. I also get the sense you can tell the difference between good and bad people too.” Daryl just looked at Aaron.

“Eric’s done going out there. This last run shook him up and he won’t be healed for a while. But I need someone with me. Someone who knows what it’s really like out there. Eric and I, we made it work but we’re not like you. You can handle yourself. You’ve seen bad people. I need someone who can make sure I don’t bring those bad people back here.”

“How’s Deanna feel ‘bout all this?” Daryl asked, skeptically. There was no way Aaron was offering this to him without talking to his leader first and he had no doubt that she had an opinion.

“I talked to her; she thinks it’s a good idea.”

Daryl laughed, “She just don’t want me here.”

“No,” Aaron shook his head, “she’s good at reading people. She trusts you at least enough to let you in here. That counts for something. If she didn’t want you here she’d have no problem making you leave. We've had to do it before.”

Daryl snorted. He’d like to see her try to separate him from his family. It’d be the last mistake she ever made.

“She may trust me but she don’t like me.” He even doubted that Deanna trusted him. No one like her ever did.

“Most people don’t like anyone different from them. Trust me I know that better than most.” Aaron looked at Daryl, “We’re both outsiders. They’re afraid of us for different reasons but they’re still afraid of us. We’re like him,” Aaron gestured towards Buttons, “they want us here but they don’t quite know what to do with us.”

They stood shoulder to shoulder watching the horse graze. Aaron was right, they were both outsiders. They always had been.

His whole life Daryl had been ‘no good white trash’. People thought they knew everything about him from just a look. They thought that just because of the way he talked, his tattoos and loud motorcycle he was bad news. Sometimes even just his last name was enough to have people wanting him gone. Having a drunk for a father and druggie for a brother made people just assume he’d turn out the same. No one wanted a Dixon around for long. Seemed like even the world ending wasn’t going to change that.

“You don’t have to answer right away.” Aaron finally said, “I’m not leaving Eric until he’s better and now that we have Buttons to think about I want to wait until he’s at least a little more settled in. But just think about it.”

Daryl had feeling he had a lot to think about.

-

That night Daryl sat on the porch smoking a cigarette, thinking about what Aaron had said. He was right they had to be careful about the people they brought back here. They didn’t want a governor or a Gareth coming into this place. He'd seen what people like them could do. This place didn't stand a chance against men like that.

But as much as he knew it was something he needed to do, it went against his every instinct  to leave his  family here, especially not so soon. The weight of Beth’s limp body in his arms and the sight of Tyresse’s cold corpse were still too fresh in his mind. He didn’t know what he would do if he went out there only to come back to another of his family just gone.

But he couldn’t dwell on it too much. He had some time to decide and in the mean time there were other things that were more pressing. Like a frightened horse that had just become his responsibility.

After Aaron had left, he’d watched Buttons until he felt like the horse was settled for the moment. Though he could tell the horse was still nervous and he still wouldn't go near the bucket of grain, he was grazing so Daryl took that as a good sign.

He didn’t blame the horse for being so cautious, looking around he was too. The houses looked staged, even the people looked staged. The whole place still felt fake, like at any second a walker would appear and shatter the illusion. But it seemed like he was the only one who was feeling that way. There were children playing in the streets and people walking around unarmed like there wasn’t just a thin sheet of metal between them and the real world.

“Hey Daryl,” Maggie called, walking up the path to the front of the house, “Deanna told me you brought in that wild horse today. If you need any help with him just let me know. I picked up more than a few things from my dad over the years about dealing with a scared horse.”

Daryl felt a familiar pang in his chest at the thought of Hershel and wondered what he would have thought of this place, of Buttons, of how strong Maggie had become.

He shook those thoughts from his head, saying gruffly, “Thanks Mags. Hey, you seen Rick and Carl?”

“Yeah I think Carl was hanging out with some of the kids up the street and Rick went to go get him." she gestured towards some houses at the end of the road, "They should be back soon.” she said, before disappearing into the house.

He took a drag of his cigarette and looking where Maggie had pointed, caught sight of Carl and Rick. He narrowed his eyes, they were walking towards the house talking with someone.

_Jessie_. As he watched them talking with the blonde, he felt _something_ in his gut. She had Judith in her arms, Rick was laughing at something she’d said, and Carl was making faces at his sister causing her to burst into a fit of giggles. If he didn't know better he'd think them a family.

_Jealous Darylena?_ A voice, that sounded suspiciously like Merle, whispered in his head.

Daryl frowned. It was just the sight of his Little Asskicker is the arms of a stranger that made his skin crawl.

_But she ain’t yurs,_ the voice taunted. And it was right. As much as he cared about Judith she wasn’t his. Rick was her Daddy and he could let anyone he wanted hold her. Didn’t mean Daryl had to like it though.

As they neared the house Daryl could hear what they were saying.

“She’s so sweet.” Jessie smiled at Rick, handing him back Judith, “You know, now that you have a job here I can watch her for you if you want.”

Daryl frowned, wanting to butt in and tell the blonde to mind her own damn business but it wasn’t his place. So he just sat and took a long drag of his cigarette, trying to look like he wasn’t eavesdropping.

“’preciate it but Carol’s pretty good with her and I know you got two of your own boys to look out for.” Rick smiled, shifting Judy on his hip as they stopped in the front lawn of the house.

“It’d be no trouble, really,” she said.

Daryl smirked. Sure it’d be no trouble.

“Thank you but she’s been through a lot a change recently and I think it’s best for her to stay with someone she knows.” Jessie looked a little disappointed, but she was still smiling up at Rick like he was the best damn thing she’d ever seen.

“Well, if you change your mind you know where to find me.” She waved, turning to walk away.

“That I do.” Rick smiled at her, waving back and Daryl grit his teeth. Jessie was awfully friendly with Rick for a married woman.

“Hey Daryl,” Carl hopped up the steps, dragging Daryl's attention away from the blonde, “I heard you caught that horse with Aaron today. All the kids are talking about it.”

Daryl shook his head. What did he care about Jessie and her damn marriage any? What did he care about who Rick was flirting with? Didn't affect him none. 

“Yeah,” Daryl put out his cigarette as Rick approached with Judith, who was giggling in his arms, "he's pretty wild. Didn't care much fer me catchin' 'im." He could feel Rick’s gaze on him but he didn’t look up to meet it, focusing on Carl.

“How long do think he’s been out there?” Carl asked, bubbling with excitement. Daryl sometimes forgot that despite acting so grown up and being able to handle himself as well any of them, deep down Carl was still just a kid.  

“Dunno,” Daryl shrugged putting the half smoked cigarette back in the pack to finish later, “a while. He’s pretty spooked so I don’t wantcha goin’ near ‘im. He’s unpredictable right now.”

“Yeah, I know,” Carl nodded, “Flame was pretty scared when Michonne first found her too." Daryl remembered the chestnut mare they'd found outside the prison. He remembered the way the walkers had fallen on her torn apart corpse too, "I tried to tell the other kids to leave him alone but they didn’t want to listen. I think some of them haven't ever seen a horse up close before.”

Rick was staring at Daryl and he knew he had to tell him about Aaron's offer. He just wasn’t sure how Rick would take it. 

Carl looked between them and cleared his throat, sensing the tension. “I’ll put Judith down, Dad.”

“Thanks Carl,” Rick passed Judith over his eyes not leaving Daryl.

After the front door clicked closed they just stood there staring at each other for a moment. For the first time in a long time, as Daryl looked at Rick he wasn't sure how he was going to react.  Daryl was starting to feel like maybe he could trust this place just a little bit, or at least trust Aaron, but he could feel Rick going in the opposite direction. And he knew how dangerous Rick could be when he felt cornered.

“Talked ta Aaron today. Told me he has a job fer me.” Daryl finally muttered fiddling with the crumpled pack of cigarettes in his hands, not wanting to meet Rick’s gaze, “Wants me ta go out there with 'im. Scout out new people.”

“You want to?” Rick said after a pause.

“Need ta. We need more people here, good people.”

“But do you want to?”

“I want ta be out there again, crazy as that sounds. These walls are drivin’ me batshit man. Thought it might be like the prison, it might get better behind the walls than outside ‘em. But the prison was different, those walls were ours.”

“I know,” Rick sat down next to Daryl on the railing, “I’m starting to feel the same way. Not sure what’s a real threat and what’s just in my head.”

“That’s why I gotta get out there. Put it in perspective. See the real threat again.” Daryl stared at Rick pointedly. He’d seen the way his leader looked at Jessie’s husband. It was that same look he’d seen that night on that road in Georgia and that had ended with a man’s throat being torn out. “Want cha ta be ok with it.”

“I hear you and I get what you’re sayin’ but things are still shaky here. If things go bad I need you with me.”

“’m always wit’ ya Rick,” Daryl murmured, looking away from Rick's intent gaze, “but things ain’t gonna go bad. Not if we don’t want ‘em too.”

“Things always go bad.” Rick said firmly, “Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday shit’s gonna hit the fan again.”

“I know that. Not sayin’ we sit back and do nothin’. Just sayin’ that we don’t gotta be the one’s throwin’ the shit.”

“These people, they don’t know what it’s like out there.” Rick’s voice was a harsh whisper as he stared Daryl down.

“Yur right, they don’t." Daryl turned to meet Rick's gaze, "That’s why I’m startin’ ta think they ain’t the threat. They’ve had these walls. They haven’t had ta make the calls we have, see people die the way we have. They ain't like us, Rick. They're like they were before everythin' changed. We can handle what’s behind these walls. What’s in front a ‘em is what I'm worried 'bout.”

“That’s why I don’t want you goin’ out there. Not yet at least,” Rick looked at Daryl his eyes intense, “I don’t trust anyone out there with you but me.”

“But ya trust me?” Daryl meant it to come out a statement, but the words came out as a question instead. With all that was happening, with Rick looking everywhere for a threat, he realized he wasn’t sure Rick did trust him anymore.

“I do. And that’s why if you really think it’s something you need to do I’ll trust you to make that call. But I’m not sure I can be ok with it.”

“Won’t be goin’ out for a while anyways. Aaron’s still worried ‘bout Eric and I got Buttons ta think about now too.”

They sat there for a little while just listening to the crickets and watching the sky get steadily darker.

“I’m gonna turn in.” Rick stood up, rubbing his palms on his jeans, hesitating.

“I’m glad you told me,” Rick said finally, “and I know you’re right, we need someone out there who can tell the difference between the good people and the bad ones. I just don’t want you to go out there and never come back.”

Daryl was glad for the darkness as he felt a flush make its way across his cheeks. “Always come back though don’t I.”

Rick gave a soft chuckle, “That you do. G’night Daryl.”

Daryl waited until he heard the front door close before he whispered his own, “G’night, Rick,” back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.


	3. We're Gonna Make It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl talks with Carol and then Carl, before contemplating all his very confusing feelings about Rick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you all are enjoying this story so far I know I love writing it!
> 
> I really want to thank everyone who comments on this fic. Every time I see a new comment it makes my day so please, even if it's just a couple words, I really appreciate any comments!
> 
> Now that's it getting into summer I hope to have more time to write and hopefully get a more consistent update schedule.

“You weren’t there tonight,” Daryl turned to see Carol standing in the shadow of the doorway.

“Wasn’t where?”

“You forgot didn’t you,” Carol made her way to Daryl’s side, “about the welcome party.”

Daryl had forgotten about the party. He shrugged, “Maybe I did. Wouldn’t a been there anyway. Never been a party kinda guy.”

Carol frowned at him, “You should have come. They noticed that you weren't there. You isolating yourself, it's making people nervous. It would have been good for them to see you there, to get to know you.”

“Maybe they should be nervous,” Daryl said thinking about Carol and Rick with guns. Yeah, the Alexandrians should definitely be nervous. "'sides they don't really want to get to know me." Aaron was right, he could see the way they looked at him. They were afraid of him. But if Carol had succeeded in her mission he wasn't really the one they needed to be afraid of.

“I got what I needed,” Carol said as if reading his mind, “There were some complications but everything's under control."

"What happened?" Daryl asked. He knew Carol well enough to know that something had gone wrong despite her calm demeanor. He wasn't sure what he regretted more, not being there to back her up or agreeing to the damn plan in the first place.

"We’ll talk more tomorrow. Get some rest. You look tired.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead and then she was gone.

Daryl sat there for a while by himself just watching the sky. So she had the guns.

When they’d first talked about the plan he’d been on board. He felt wrong without his gun and he'd been pissed they'd just let these people take their weapons without a fight. So when Rick had said they were getting their guns back it wasn't even a question.

But now he wasn't so sure. Sure Deanna was hard to get a read on and he still didn’t know many of the others but none of them struck him dangerous. The only one that stunk of trouble was Jessie but she wasn’t a threat. 

He didn’t really like the place but it didn’t hold the same sinister feel as it had before. He still didn’t trust the calm yet but he knew now that stealing the guns had been a bad idea. It felt like the first strike of a match over a powder keg. The whole situation felt ready to explode, the last thing they needed were guns in trigger happy fingers. He just hoped both Carol and Rick could see sense. He hoped they would listen to him.

He finally crept into the house. The others had all claimed rooms by now but Daryl had laid in his too soft bed for about five minutes before relocating to the living room. He liked being close to the exits and with all the others upstairs anything that wanted to get to his family would have to get past him first. Just because he was willing to give this place a shot didn't mean he was ready to let his guard down. He wasn't stupid.

He toed off his boot and pulled off his over shirt. It was a warm night but sleeping in his jeans was a hard habit to break. Besides he wasn't really a pajama man anyway.

At first he couldn't even sleep on the couch, so used to sleeping in the woods on the hard dirt. But after a couple nights of sleeping on the cold wood floor the couch was actually looking pretty good. It wasn’t too soft like the bed upstairs that had threatened to engulf him when he'd lay on it. If he closed his eyes as he lay there he could almost imagine he was back at the prison laying on the firm cot. If he lay there very still, he could almost hear Beth singing to Judith to put her to sleep, or the steady click of Hershel's crutches on the concrete, the whisper of his family moving around him.

It was sad to think that a damn prison might have been the closest thing to a home he’d ever had.

-

Daryl jolted awake, panicked for a moment when he couldn’t see any of his people. He reached for his crossbow and had it in his hands before his brain caught up with his body and he realized where he was.

He was laying down on the couch in the living room of the house Rick had claimed. He was in Alexandria. Rick, Carl and Judith were upstairs, the rest of his group all still asleep in their beds. They were safe. He was safe.

He flopped back down on the couch with a huff, dropping the crossbow back to the floor. Damn thing wasn't even loaded anyway. He felt stupid lugging it around without any arrows but he felt equally naked without it. Reaching for it was habit now and sometimes just the weight of it in his hands was enough to make him feel safer. 

It was still early, the barest hints of dawn light streaming through the windows. As he lay there, everything that had happened yesterday came flooding back. Catching Buttons, Aaron’s offer, his talk with Rick and Carol.

He ran a hand through his tangled hair. Carol. He wasn’t sure exactly what to make of their conversation last night. He knew Rick and Carol were both like a tightly drawn bow, the smallest hint of movement could set them off. But unlike his crossbow both of them were loaded.  

Daryl sighed. He didn’t really want to think about Rick or Carol at the moment and besides he was worried about Buttons.

Tugging on his boots and slinging his crossbow over his shoulder, he made his way out of the house and over to check on the bucket they’d left out for Buttons. Peering in he sighed, the grain looked completely untouched. Guess the horse was even more wary of them then he'd thought.

Looking around, he saw the path of freshly cropped grass. Following tracks he made his way into the open area in the middle of town, finally spotting Buttons grazing under some trees.

He got to the edge of the field on the gently sloping hill, before Buttons stilled and stared at Daryl.

“Ok,” Daryl held up his hands, “won’t come any closer. You just stay there. I’ll stay over here.”

Buttons flicked his ears, as he thought about running. But after seeing that Daryl wasn’t coming any closer, the horse hesitantly went back to grazing.

Daryl crouched down remembering all those years ago when he was young on his Uncle Bill’s farm, watching him gentle horses. He would just stand there for hours talking till the horse was comfortable with him there. Daryl had never been much good at talking but he figured a horse was a pretty good listener.

“Yur safe here. Know yer scared. But ‘m not gon’ hurtcha. Nobodies gon’ ever hurtcha again. Got some good people who ain’t gon’ let anythin’ happen to this place.”

He was barely speaking above a whisper but he knew the horse heard him from the way his ear stayed swiveled towards him.

“Tha’s right. Yer just fine ain’t cha. Know ya don’t like it here. Don’t really like it here myself. But yer safe.”

There was a sound behind him and Daryl spun around, his hand on the hilt of his knife before he saw it was Carl. He relaxed, frowning at the boy.

“Whatcha doin’ out here, sneakin’ round?” Daryl hissed.

“I followed you,” Carl said shrugging, “I wanted to see Buttons for myself. He ran away before I could see him yesterday.”

“Well, ya seen him. ” Daryl turned away hoping Carl would get the hint and leave. Normally he didn’t mind the boy’s company but with everything running through his mind right now, he would have preferred to be alone.

“What’re you doing?” Carl asked and Daryl sighed, looking over his shoulder at him.

“You gonna leave?” Daryl sat down slowly on the hill, keeping his eyes on Buttons to make sure the horse wasn’t spooked.

“No,” Carl said plopping down beside him.

“Was talkin’ to him. Gettin’ him used ta people again.”

“But you don’t have to talk to him right?”

“Whatcha mean?” Daryl looked at him sideways.

“I mean you can talk to anyone right? It’s just about him hearing your voice.”

“Yeah,” Daryl grunted hesitantly.

“Then can I stay? You can talk to me.”

“’spose” Daryl huffed. Seemed the kid was pretty determined. Guess talking to him was better than just talking to a horse.

“You know a lot about horses. I remember back on the farm you rode one of the horses there.”

“Fell off a that horse,” Daryl growled at the memory of Nervous Nelly. Having that arrow stuck through his belly was one of the more painful moments in his life. And that was saying something.

“Yeah but you know how to get Buttons to trust you.” Carl pointed out.

“Know enough,” Daryl grunted, “Uncle had a farm when I was little. Trained young horses. Gentled ‘em, taught ‘em how ta trust people. Taught me a bit a that too.”

“Did he teach you to ride?” Carl asked curiously.

“Yeah,” Daryl murmured, “didn’t have much time wit’ him but taught me the basics. Was a good man, my Uncle. Pro’ly dead now.” Daryl mused.

“You miss him?” Carl asked quietly.

“Don’t remember him much ta be honest. Was my mom’s brother. Dad didn’t like him much. After she died, he dropped me of there one summer. Didn’t really wanna go but I didn’t really wanna stay either. After my mom died and Merle left, my dad couldn’t stand the sight a me. Was always gettin’ in the way.” Daryl cleared his throat, looking away from Carl's sympathetic gaze.

“Was a good summer.” Daryl said, thinking back to the heat of that Georgia summer years and years ago, “Uncle Bill made me work, muckin’ stalls, liftin’ hay bales, fixin’ fences but he taught me ta ride on his old mare after we was done work fer the day. Taught me more in that one summer than my daddy taught me in my whole life. Actually wanted ta come back, liked 'im. But when my daddy come back ta pick me up, guess Uncle Bill said somethin’ he didn’t like. Never saw him again.”

“Sorry,” Carl said and Daryl shifted uncomfortably. He hadn’t meant to go on like that. He hadn’t thought about that summer in a long time. His past wasn’t something he liked to think about a lot. Even the good memories, few as they were.

“How’d your Uncle gentle horses?” Carl asked switching the subject after a moment.

“Taught me ya gotta go slow. When somethin’ is that scared ya gotta move slow with ‘em.”

“Is that what we have to do with my dad? Move slow?” Carl said softly.

“Ya think yer dad’s scared ?” Daryl asked, looking at the kid out of the corner of his eye.

“I know he is. He’s scared of this place. I can see it in his eyes, the way he looks at all of the people here. He doesn’t understand them, so he’s scared of them. He acts like he isn't but I know he is." Carl looked at Daryl curiously, "Are you scared?”

“All the damn time.” Daryl admitted quietly, "but not of this place. Not anymore." 

“Me too. But not like my dad. He’s so afraid that there's a threat here that he's going to make one.”

Daryl looked at Carl. The kid was smart.

“Yer dad’s a good man. He's scared 'cause he got somebody ta be scared for. He wants you and yer sister ta be safe. He loves ya.” Daryl shook his head, “Never known what a dad was supposed ta be like. Mine was shit. But yers, he's a good dad. E’rethang he does is fer you.”

“For all of us.” Carl looked thoughtful, “I know you guys have some sort of back up plan, you always do. I know my dad doesn't trust this place but we need to try."

"We’re never going to be weak again," he continued, looking at Daryl earnestly, "we can’t be. No matter how long we stay here I know I’ll always be on my guard, just in case. We can all handle ourselves, that’s who we are now. We're not going to forget how to protect ourselves just because we have these walls. So we need to try. I told my dad that. He couldn’t hear it from me but maybe if you told him he could. He trusts you more than anybody.”

Daryl turned away unable to look the boy in the eyes after that.

“I’ll tell ‘im,” Daryl finally said. He doubted Rick would listen to him but he didn't want to worry Carl. The kid had enough on his mind.

“Thanks Daryl,” Carl stood, “I’m gonna head back before my dad wakes up and wonders where I am.”

“Carl,” Daryl called gruffly, causing the kid to turn and look at him, “we’re gonna be ok here. We're all gonna make it. I’ll make sure of it.”

Carl smiled, “I know. You're a good man too Daryl.”

-

Daryl sat for the rest of the morning with Buttons watching the sun rise. After he was sure Carl was really gone, he started talking to Buttons. At first he felt stupid just sitting there talking to an animal that couldn’t understand him. But as time went on the words came easier and easier. 

He talked about his life before all this. He talked about Merle and how he missed him despite how much of an ass he’d been. How he didn’t miss his father, not one bit. He talked about how before all of this he'd been headed nowhere fast. How if none of this had happened he's probably still be spending his days bailing Merle's ass out of jail and flushing his drugs down the toilet. Because Merle'd been the only family he'd had. And that's what you did for family.

He talked about the group he’d come to see as his new family. How he'd do anything for them. He talked about all the people they’d lost, all the choices they’d had to make. He talked about how much Carl and baby Judith had both grown, how strong they both were.

As he sat there and talked, he thought about how much he had grown. He thought about the man he was before all this, before the quarry camp, before the rooftop in Atlanta and he could see himself reflected back in that horse’s eyes. He could see so much of himself in the skittish gelding, at least the way he used to be. The way he was before Rick.

He talked about Rick too. He talked about Rick _a lot._ About how he was a good leader, getting them this far, holding them together. How he was a good father, firm but fair with Carl and sweet with Judith. How he was a good friend, saving his ass more times than he could count, listening to anything and everything. Not always having the answers but trying like hell to find them and if he had too, just making some up.

He talked about how he trusted Rick more than he’d ever trusted anyone before. How he trusted him more than he trusted himself sometimes.

What he couldn’t find the words for, was how it had felt the first time Rick had looked to him for advice or when he’d told Daryl that he needed him.  How it felt when Rick clapped his hand on his shoulder or drew him into a hug after a close call. What it felt like knowing that he could find Rick blindfolded, just by the whisper of his touch, the sound of his breath, the cadence of his walk.  

Even with a fucking horse he couldn’t vocalize all of his conflicted feeling about Rick.

He wasn’t sure that he even really knew deep down inside himself what his true feelings were towards Rick. He knew he respected the hell out of the man, he felt closer to him than anyone, save maybe Carol.  He thought of him as his leader, his brother in all but blood. He could understand those feelings down to his very bones. There was nothing Rick could do or say to him that would ever change them, they were carved into his soul.

But what he felt when Rick gave him a rare smile wasn’t clear at all. It felt – almost bad. Like when he’d fractured his ribs that one time and couldn’t quite breathe right. Like how light headed he felt after too long without any food. Like after a night of drinking when his stomach was churning.

But in the same breath it also felt blindingly good. Like the first time he’d hit a deer between the eyes with his crossbow. Like the warm burn of whiskey on his throat. Like the heady feeling he got after that first drag on a new cigarette. That was the closest he could find to what he felt when he looked at Rick.

Trouble was, he had no idea what any of that meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> As always please comment with any glaring typos. I really try to proof read as much as possible but sometimes I miss some errors. 
> 
> And of course any other feedback is greatly appreciated as well! ;)


	4. Masks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I had a little trouble with this one. I kind of agonized over every little detail wanting it all to be perfect. Hopefully all the writing and rewriting turned into a decent chapter. :)
> 
> Just to be clear (in case any of you are worried) there will be no Daryl/Aaron in this story. I do think those two have a great connection but more as friends because of course I think the only one for Daryl is Rick ;). I will definitely explore their relationship but it is purely platonic. I just wanted to make that clear as I start putting more Daryl and Aaron scenes in this.
> 
> Thanks again so much to all those who comment. It honestly means so much to know so many people are enjoying my story. So truly thank you and please continue to comment and kudo!
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy!

After sitting with Buttons and thinking about his talk with Carl all morning, the horse had finally wandered off. Daryl knew better than to push so he let Buttons go. It was like he'd told Carl, you had to go slow. So with nothing else to do he had gone to Aaron's to work on the bike.

The bike looked like Frankenstein's monster, a bunch of parts just thrown together. He could almost hear his brother's snide comments about how it looked like a deathtrap, how it could never compare to his 'baby'.

The only thing his brother had loved more than getting high, drinking, fighting, or fucking was his bike. The bike that was still sitting in the prison yard in Georgia, no doubt gathering rust.

Daryl sighed. It was no good thinking about all that, he had enough to worry about here. So he pushed all thoughts of his sneering brother and the sleek black bike from his mind and set to work on the bike in front of him.

Though it looked like a mess it was actually not to far off from being done. Aaron had done a good job so far getting as many parts as possible.

He'd been at it for hours when, while he was bent over fiddling with some of the wiring, he sensed there was someone else in the garage with him.

“You ready?” Daryl looked up from the motorcycle to see Carol standing in the driveway. He remembered suddenly their talk last night and what they had planned to do. He swallowed.

“Yeah, almost done,” Daryl grunted straightening up and wiping his hands on his jeans, “lemme just see-“ he cranked the engine and after a couple spits and spurts it finally revved and started.

“You sure that things safe?” Carol asked skeptically once Daryl had cut it off again.

“Not perfect but she’ll run,” Daryl shrugged his crossbow on over his shoulder as he walked past Carol and out onto the street, “Rick comin’?”

“He’s meeting us at the gate. He went to go check out our weapons.” And sure enough when they reached the gate Rick was standing there his Python in its holster and two handguns for them.

Daryl couldn't stop looking at Rick as they made their way out of the gates of Alexandria. He looked so - clean. Without the beard Rick looked years younger, almost like he had back when they'd first met. No doubt when Deanna and the other Alexandrians looked at him they saw that clean cut sheriff Daryl had once known. But Daryl knew better. That hadn't been Rick for a long time.

It didn't take long to get out to the abandoned house, Daryl trailing behind the other two a slowing sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Take your pick," Carol said pulling out the guns from her pack and holding them out.

Daryl stood staring at the two people he felt closest to in this world and suddenly felt like he couldn’t reach them. Their expressions were cold, their mouths set in their resolution.

“Take the gun,” Carol held it out to him, and all Daryl could do was shake his head, “Daryl, take the gun.”

“Nah,” Daryl took a step back, “we don’t need these. I mean, things go bad, yeah, sure. We do what we gotta do, but it's like you said. We don’t need guns for that. Things go bad and we gotta take someone out we don’t need these. Made do with a lot less.”

“Right now we don't need ‘em. But we might.” Rick said taking the gun from Carol’s outstretched hand.

“You wanted me to try, right? I'm good.” Daryl felt his heart drop at the sight of Rick’s hand curled around the gun.

He could always feel Rick. He was like a phantom limb, an extension of himself. Sometimes, back at the prison, Daryl had almost felt like he could read Rick’s mind, like he knew what Rick was going to do before he even did it.

Now he couldn’t feel Rick anymore. He felt like an impenetrable wall of ice. Cold and untouchable. Nothing Daryl could say would thaw him. And though he wasn’t exactly sure what Rick was going to do anymore, he could guess.

He could see the glint in Rick’s eyes as he looked at the guns and like flashes of a dream he could see it all unfold. Rick was wound tight, too much like a caged animal to be trusted. One wrong move and Rick would lash out. And he was no longer the kind of man that was inclined to give second chances. 

Daryl turned and walked off deeper into the woods, unable to look at Rick anymore. Unable to watch him become someone he didn't even know anymore.

“Daryl,” Carol called from behind him, jogging to catch up.

“I ain’t takin’ a gun Carol but I ain’t tellin’ nobody neither.” Daryl ground out, stopping but not turning to look at her. She was closing off too, hiding behind the mask of a middle aged housewife. Pretending she wasn't tough as nails. Pretending she was still just that meek little woman he'd known at the quarry that she'd worked so hard not to be. He hated it. He hated everything right now.

“I know but we need these guns. You understand that? We have to protect ourselves.”

“From what? What in there could possibly hurt us?” He spit out, gesturing in the direction of Alexandria.

“It’s not us I’m worried about,” she said quietly and Daryl turned to look at her, “I don’t know for sure but I think there’s something going on with Pete.”

“What do ya mean?”

“I think he’s beating Jessie,” the forest seemed very quite all of a sudden, almost muted as the words hit him. In that moment it all made sense. Daryl had hardly seen them together but when he had, he’d seen the look in Pete’s eyes when he looked at his wife. A sort of madness that glazed them over. It was a look he knew all to well. He remembered that same look in Ed's eyes. He remembered it in his father's. 

“And why is that our problem? It's her damn mess. It's Deanna's. They're the one's who gotta deal with it.” Daryl spit out, vindictively. Because even though he understood and even normally would've wanted to help, he could see it all play out in front of him. Helping her would put his family at risk and he'd never make the call to put them in danger, not for some chick they'd known less then a week. So as much as he hated it, hated the whole goddamn situation he couldn't help but hate Jessie a little too. Cause even though it wasn't her fault she was still the spark of this fire that was threatening to consume all of them. 

“But they haven't dealt with it," Carol snapped back, "so it is our problem. You think he’ll stop if he is hitting her. He won’t, I know he won’t. You don’t know what it’s like to have the person who’s supposed to love you the most in this world hurt you like that.” Carol was fierce in her anger, the woman she once was a mere shadow in her eyes. 

“But I do know. You know I do.” Daryl murmured. He knew all about having people who were supposed to love you hurt you. 

Carol looked ashen. “Oh, Daryl. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think-“

“That’s just it Carol. You ain’t thinkin’ straight right now. You think I don’t hate this as much as you. We should take this guy out. Ain’t sayin’ we shouldn’t. But if we do, Rick’ll wanna be the one to do it and he can’t. Because if he takes Pete out it won’t be about doin’ the right thing or protectin' the group. It’ll just be about her. And it can’t be about her. If it is, these people, they ain't gonna understand. All they gonna see is some jealous stranger killin' one a their own ta shack up with his wife. It can't be that. If it is we'll be makin' more problems then we're solvin'."

They stood there just staring at each other and Carol almost looked like she had at the prison calm but self assured. She almost looked like she was hearing him.

“You’ve seen the way Rick looks at her.” Carol said and it wasn’t a question but Daryl still found himself nodding, “Maybe it’s good for him. To have something to fight for, a reason to stay here.”

“He’s got pleanty a reasons. He’s got us, he’s got his kids, he’s go m-“ Daryl stopped petrified at what had almost slipped out. He looked away, afraid Carol had heard what he'd almost said. He prayed she wouldn't say anything if she had. This couldn't be about that either. Whatever 'that' was.

“Pete’s a problem,” Carol finally said, “and he needs to be dealt with.”

“Agreed. But you should be the one ta do it, if it needs ta be done. Not Rick. It’ll just make it inta somethin’ it ain’t.”

"But if we have to..."

"If he has at die, I'll hold him down myself while you blow his fuckin' brains in."

-

 Daryl made his way back to Alexandria, Carol walking silently by his side. As the gate opened it was Rick on the other side waiting for them.

"Daryl, a word?" Rick had his forced relaxed mask back on that he wore in Alexandria. Daryl hated it.

"Yeah," he grunted, not looking at Rick's face. 

"I'll take these back," Carol said taking their guns, "see you later."

As Rick turned to walk down the street, Daryl couldn't help but stare at Rick's waistband. He could almost see the gun tucked there against the small of Rick's back, just waiting to cause everything to explode.

They walked until they were far enough away from the houses to not be overheard. 

"You talk to Carol?" Rick said turning to face Daryl under the shade of one of the large apple trees.

"Yeah. Know that she thinks there's somethin' goin' on with Pete." Daryl said, his head tilted back to stare at the light streaming through the leaves above them. Almost felt peaceful.

"Then you know why we have to do something about it." 

"Just had this same damn conversation with Carol. You need ta stay outta this." Couldn't Rick see everything that was going to happen if he kept on this path? Couldn't he see the only way it could end is bloody?

"Why?" And Daryl had to look at Rick, to make him understand.

"'cause of the way you look at her." The way he looked at her like she was more important than anyone.

"What are you talking about?" Rick asked carefully.

"Why do you care so damn much anyway?" Daryl spit, "Huh, why is this so important ta ya?"

"Gotta protect her. It's what we do." And though he said it with conviction Rick wouldn't look Daryl in the eyes.

"But this ain't about that is it? Not really." Daryl wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer but the question slipped out before he could stop it.

"No it isn't." Rick said quietly. And it wasn't a confession of undying love or even an admission that he had any feelings for her at all, but it was enough. Enough to tell Daryl that he'd been right all along. This wasn't about justice or doing the right thing, protecting an innocent woman. That he could handle. No this was just about Rick's obsession with Jessie. And that he couldn't handle.

He wanted to yell at Rick. Scream at him 'till he understood how much it hurt that he would risk so much for this damn woman. That he was so focused on her that he couldn't even see what was right in front of him.

Daryl opened his mouth to say - _something_ but no sound came out. He couldn't think of the right words to say.

So he closed his mouth, clenched his fists, turned and walked away. What hurt the most wasn't what Rick had said, it was that he didn't call after him. He just let him walk away. And that told Daryl all he needed to know.

He marched all the way down the road to Aaron's house and didn't stop until he was standing on his front porch. He knocked on the door, clenching and unclenching his fists while he waited for Aaron to open the door.

"Daryl," Aaron answered the door wide eyed, "what happen-"

"I'm ready," Daryl ground out, trying to speak evenly.

"What? Are you-"

"We need to go. Now." Daryl finally snapped.

Aaron stood there and Daryl was sure for a moment the other man was going to protest, insist that he tell him what was going on. But Aaron finally just nodded and said, "OK."

"OK," Daryl breathed uncurling his fists.

"Yeah give me a minute to throw things together and we can head out. You got the motorcycle working?"

"Yeah," Daryl nodded slowly, not quite believing Aaron was going to just go along with this. That he was just going to trust him.

"Bring that then. Just give me some time to get the supplies together and say goodbye to Eric and we can go."

"Thanks," Daryl grunted out.

Aaron nodded, smiling, "You owe me."

Daryl tried to smile back but his face felt frozen. So he just nodded and backed off the porch.

He walked briskly towards their house, hoping not to run into anybody but of course with his luck Glenn was standing on the front porch as if waiting for him.

Glenn met Daryl on the steps, his face furrowed in concern. He knew Glenn could see how tense he was and that'd he'd ask questions. Questions he wasn't in any mood to answer.

“What happened?” And Daryl contemplated for a moment telling Glenn everything, about the guns, about Carol’s plan, about the dangerous look in Rick’s eyes.

He opened his mouth to tell Glenn everything but found that he couldn’t do it. As much as he was hurting right now that would be betraying Rick and he could never do that. Not even now as Rick betrayed him.

“Headin’ out with Aaron. I’ll be back in a coupla days. Ask Maggie ta look after Buttons for me, will ya?” He said shortly, pushing past Glenn to go into the house.

“Daryl,” Glenn called out, hesitantly.

“Yeah,” he paused, turning to search Glenn’s worried face.

“Rick’s not OK is he? I saw him come back and he looked – I don’t know. He looked -  _bad_. Something’s about to happen isn’t it?”

Glenn was nothing like he’d been when he’d first met Daryl. The man had grown into himself, gained so much confidence, become a leader in his own right. And he wasn’t stupid. They’d lived so close to one another for so long, they’d become imprinted on each other. Secrets were hard to keep in such close proximity with people who knew you so well. He’d figure it out but Daryl still couldn't tell him. Not with Maggie so close to Deanna now. Not when he'd told Carol he wouldn't.

“Just look after him,” Daryl said finally, “and don’t let anything crazy happen ‘till I get back.”

“No promises there.” Glenn gave a tense smile, “Be safe Daryl.”

“Yeah, you too.”

-

It didn't take long to get some supplies together, Daryl hadn't really unpacked his meager belongings to begin with. He'd been so sure things wouldn't work out and they'd be on the move again that he hadn't bothered. Now it was nice to be in and out so he wouldn't have to face anyone else. He couldn't handle any more of their questioning looks right now.

With his backpack and crossbow slung over his shoulder he hurried back to Aaron's house.

"Ready?" Aaron called out to him. Aaron had already gotten a car, him and Eric standing beside it in the road saying their goodbyes. 

"Let's blow this joint," Daryl said cranking the motorcycle.

"Be careful, come back to me." Daryl could barely hear Eric's murmured words over the roar of the engine but the look shared between the two men said it all.

"I always do." Aaron smiled and Daryl felt like he was going to choke. The words felt too similar to that night on the porch with Rick. His eyes felt like they were stinging. He almost dropped everything to go find Rick, just to see him one last time before he left. To memorize his face even though it was already carved into his every memory. 

But then he thought about the look on Rick's face when he'd taken the gun, when he'd talked about Jessie. Rick wasn't the same man who'd needed him at the prison. None of them were the same anymore. This place had changed them. Maybe no one needed him anymore. So he kicked the bike into gear and pulled out onto the road. 

"Let's move," Daryl growled as he passed them, careful not to look them in the eye.

Daryl let the rev of the motorcycle's engine rumble through his veins blotting out everything else. As he rode down the street he felt a prickle on the back of his neck like he was being watched but he didn’t look back, he couldn’t.

As he neared the gate the whinny of a horse sounded behind him and he turned in the saddle of the motorcycle to see Buttons galloping towards him. The horse must have heard the motorcycle and followed the sound. Now he knew the horse could see the gate opening in front of them, a glimpse at freedom.

Buttons was so beautiful. His mane and tail flowing in the wind. He looked free in that moment, like nothing could touch him.

But Daryl drove out of the gates, Aaron close behind him and as they slammed shut he cast one last look over his shoulder. He watched Buttons skid to a stop, trapped once again. As he drove away he could still hear the horses screams of frustration and it felt as though Buttons was echoing his own agony. 

Buttons wasn’t free, not anymore and though Daryl was the one on the other side of the fence, he felt no more free than Buttons. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!


	5. We Might Not Make It Out Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me so far! 
> 
> This chapter is a little different because I decided to put in a little of Rick's point of view. I still want to keep this story mainly from Daryl's point of view because I feel like there wasn't enough of that this past season but I also did want to explore Rick's feelings a little bit. Let me know how you like that bit especially as I was a little hesitant to put keep it in.
> 
> I just want to warn all of you that this chapter is a little angsty and the next one will be as well. But don't worry there is fluff/smut to come I promise.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“I know something happened back there,” Aaron said finally, “ in Alexandria. I could tell you weren’t sure about coming out here but now you are. Something must have happened to change your mind.”

Daryl didn’t look up from his tracking. He shoulda known that Aaron wasn’t going to just drop it. The man was so damn chatty about everything else.

“Someone’s been through here recently,” he said keeping his eyes on the ground, hoping Aaron would get the hint and just let it go. The last thing he felt like doing right now was talking about his damn feelings.

“Daryl,” Aaron said hesitantly, “if you want to talk – “

“What do ya want me ta say, huh?” Daryl rounded on Aaron angrily, “Talked ta Rick. We didn’t agree on a few topics. Got a little pissed off at him so I needed ta come out here ta clear my head. End a discussion.”

“Was it about Jessie?”  Aaron asked quietly.

Daryl stilled, “The fuck’s that supposed ta mean?”

“Nothing, just everyone’s seen the way he’s going after her. And the mood Pete's been in.”

Aaron was acting like he didn't know but how could he not? Daryl liked Aaron and he wanted to believe that someday maybe he could see Aaron as family too. But if he'd known, known and done nothing - Daryl wasn’t sure where that left him feeling about the other man.

“Did ya know? About Jessie?” He said carefully, searching Aaron’s face for any sign that he knew. But Aaron just looked confused. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Did ya know that Pete’s beatin' her?” Daryl snapped, shortly.

“Pete’s doing what? Are you sure?” Aaron looked shocked. So he didn't know. Daryl felt relieved,he wasn’t sure what he’d have done if Aaron had known but he was glad he didn’t have to find out.

“Rick is," Daryl knelt down trying to pick up the trail they'd been following again.

“Well, shit,” Aaron swore, running a hand through his hair.

“So ya didn’t know.” Daryl started walking again Aaron close at his side.

“Jesus of course I didn’t. Is that what you think of me? If that’s really going on and I knew about it, don’t you think I’d stop it?” Aaron looked hurt.

“Had ta ask.” Daryl shrugged, "Seems weird that ya wouldn't know. Not a lot I don't know about my people. Shit I know stuff I don't wanna know. Not a lot a privacy these days."

“I have to say that's probably the biggest luxury we've had in Alexandria. We all have our own houses, our own lives. There’s probably a lot Eric and I don’t know. Between being out looking for people and being the - odd ones out, we don’t really have a ton of interaction with the others. Jessie’s always been good to us though. Giving us haircuts and even making us a little sculpture for our house. If I’d only known – wait you said Rick’s the one who told you?”

“Yeah,” Daryl said uncomfortably, wanting to leave Carol out of it.

“Is that what you fought about? Pete hurting her. Rick wants to do something about it doesn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Daryl said gruffly.

“We shouldn’t have left, Daryl. If something’s going to happen we should be there to stop it.”

“Rick won’t listen ta me anymore,” Daryl said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice, “What’s gonna happen’s gonna happen. Nothin’ we can do about it.”

“But what if someone gets hurt? If Rick confronts Pete he’s not going to back down.” And Daryl knew that. That was going to be what made the whole things ten times worse. Because neither of them were the type of men to back down and if Pete kept pushing, if he made Rick push back, he was going to get crushed. No one survived a head to head with Rick Grimes, especially not some pansy ass wife beater.

“Rick can take care of himself.”

“Yeah and so can the rest of your people, I’ve seen it. But what about my people?” Aaron was right, Daryl knew his family would be fine, otherwise he never would have left. The others, he wasn't so sure about them but, as bad as it sounded, he couldn't bring himself to care. They weren't family and anyone who wasn't family might as well of been the enemy.

“If anyone gets hurt it’ll be Pete and he’s askin’ for it.” He didn’t mention that Deanna was equally likely to be in Rick’s cross-hairs. She was asking for it too in his opinion but he wasn’t sure Aaron would see it that way.

“You trust Rick,” Aaron said.

“With my life.” Even now after everything, Daryl would still put his life in Rick’s hands.

“Do you trust him with everyone else's?”

Daryl stopped, crouching down over the remains of a fire. He wasn't sure he had an answer for Aaron. 

“This what we saw last night?” Aaron questioned, thankfully sensing that Daryl wasn't in any mood to be pushed any further.

“Must be,” Daryl knelt down, “still fresh. Somebody was here an’ they ain’t been gone long.”

He followed the tracks away from the fire. One person, no two he counted. The way they moved - they moved like him. Like a hunter.

"Look," Aaron's voice was suddenly hushed and Daryl looked over to where his finger was pointing, to see what had Aaron so spooked.

There was a woman tied to the tree, a walker, freshly turned which was rare these days. It wasn’t the most gruesome thing he’d seen, not by a long shot, but at a closer look Daryl felt his blood run cold. This was deliberate. The people that had sat around this fire not too long ago, they’d tied her up, kept her there, playing with her for days. They’d carved a W in her forehead, like a fucking signature.

“Those bad people you was worried about. Think we mighta found ‘em.”

-

Rick was done with all of it. They hadn't even been here a week and one of his people was dead, another looking like she might soon be too thanks to the incompetence of these people. Deanna despite surviving so long was turning out to be more of a liability than a savior. All of the Alexandrians were.

Deanna couldn’t understand – wouldn’t understand what had to be done. He’d tried to go to her, talk it out, tell her how it is, like Michonne had wanted. But she was weaker than he'd ever imagined. She's known all this time and done nothing. She might as well have been beating Jessie herself.

He'd tried, tried to be the constable Deanna wanted him to be. But he was done playing by her rules. He had a sinking feeling that if he waited even a moment longer there might not be anyone left to save. So he went to try one last time. He'd talk to Jessie because this was about her and he owed her that much. But after that, the time for talking was done. They'd wasted too much time on it as it was.

Rick knocked on the door waiting patiently for someone to open it. He hoped it wouldn't be Pete. If it was, he couldn't be sure that he'd have enough patience left in him to wait. Not with the gun feeling heavy against the small of his back.

But it wasn't Pete who opened the door, it was Jessie.

When she saw it was him she smiled, "What are you doing here Rick?”

“Just checking in.” He followed her into the living room. It didn't seem like anyone else was home. He wondered where Pete was.

"I was sorry to hear about Noah, he was a good kid." she smiled sadly, "I'm sorry about Tara too but Pete's really a good doctor. He'll take care of her." 

“He’s been hitting you,” Jessie all but flinched at his words, “Jessie, he’s been hitting you, hasn’t he?”

“It hasn’t always been like this,” she said softly, not even bothering to deny it, “he used to be better. He’s a good man, I swear. We used to be happy. I fixed it before and I can fix it again.”

“No you can’t,” Rick said sadly.

“And you think you can. He already hates you Rick. You being here it’s only going to make things worse.”

“I have to do something,” _Somebody_ had to do something.

“Like what put him in jail? He’s not going to listen to you.” she rubbed her eyes hard, “Why do you even care so much? Your putting a lot at risk for me? Why?”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“I’m married Rick.” She said softly, not looking at him, no doubt remembering the kiss he'd given her at the party.

“I know that,” Rick insisted. He did but he wasn't sure things like that really mattered anymore. What really did matter anymore?

“Do you?” she asked, “I can take care of my family.”

“Sam asked for a gun." Rick said harshly, watching her eyes widen at the mention of her son, "He wants to protect you. He’s scared that one day his dad might not stop at a couple bruises and I’m scared of that day too. Because one day he's not going to stop, not until he's killed you.” He didn't want to scare her not really, but she needed to understand. 

“You need to leave. You need to leave now.” She walked up to him, crossing her arms. She was scared, he could see that. But he couldn't leave. Not when he was sure if he did it would be her death sentence.

“You don’t know what it’s like out there but I’m telling you it’s the same in here. There may be walls keeping out the dead but it’s the same rules in here. You can’t just live, you have to fight to survive. All I’m asking is that you fight. For yourself and for your boys. I can help you fight, I can. If you let me.”

"Would you do this for someone else? Would you do this for anyone?" 

"No, not just anyone."

Rick thought about Carol and the haunted look she got in her eyes even now when she thought of Ed. He thought of Daryl flinching away from him, the thick scars on his back.  He searched her face and saw them in her eyes. He couldn't fight their memories but he could fight Pete. He couldn't save them from their past but he could save Jessie from her future.

_No_ , he thought, _I wouldn't do this for just anyone._

"Yes," she said finally, her eyes clear and determined. She was going to survive this, Rick would make sure of it.

"What are you doing here?" Rick turned to see Pete standing in the kitchen, expression murderous.

"Pete," Rick said calmly. He'd try words first, even with this man. He'd try words even though he knew they wouldn't work.

"You need to leave now, Rick." Pete advanced on the two of them like a charging bull. Rick tensed, ready to fight. He could take Pete down, he just didn't want it to have to be in front of Jessie.

"No Pete, you need to leave," Jessie tried to get between Pete and Rick but it was as if Pete couldn't even see her. He looked like he was in a daze, locked onto Rick like a missile. 

"What do you think you're doing?" Pete said, looking between them, his lip curled in disgust.

"We can talk about this Pete," Rick said calmly, for a moment snapping back, like muscle memory, into the mind set of a cop facing down an angry suspect, "you just need to step back."

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Pete was raving by now, all but foaming at the mouth.  _If he'd going to act like a rabid dog_ , Rick thought, _then maybe the only thing to do is to put him down._

“Someone who’s trying not to kill you.” Rick grit his teeth, fists clenching and the world seemed to slow. 

He could end this all right now, it’d be so easy. One bullet and Jessie would be safe. But Daryl had seen a way without all of that. So he had to at least try to solve this without bullets. He had to because of the way Daryl had walked away from him, leaving without even a goodbye.

Then all of sudden the world came hurtling back at full speed as Pete swung a fist at Rick's face. 

-

Daryl sat there, next to Aaron in the van, panting. As the adrenaline slowly began to fade away he started feeling more and more like an idiot.

Of course the fucking trucks were a trap. He should have been on the look out, he’d just seen that there were some pretty fucked up people around. He should have seen it from a mile away but he hadn’t and now they were probably both going to die because of him.

Weirdly that thought didn’t make him panic. If anything he just felt more calm, like a wave of numbness had just washed over him.

_I’m going to die_ , he thought and suddenly he felt so damn tired. Maybe it was for the best, Rick didn’t even need him anymore, none of them did.

His hands felt like concrete blocks as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Even the rush of nicotine felt slower, like it was moving at a snail’s pace. A walker’s pace. He snorted.

“I came out here to not feel all closed up back there. Even now, this still feels more like me than back in them houses. That's pretty messed up, huh?”

“You were trying.” Aaron said softly. He was calming down too. He was a smart man, he had no doubt figured out by now there was no way they were getting out of that van alive.

“I had to.” Daryl thought of Carl and Little Asskicker. They deserved the white picket fence life that he'd never had. They could live there, be happy, grow up.

_God I'll miss 'em_ , Daryl thought. If you even could miss anyone when you were dead.

“No, you didn't,” Aaron shook his head, “Listen, I saw you with your group out there on the road. Then you went off on your own by the barn. Storm hit and you led your people to safety. That was it. I knew I had to bring you people back.”

“You were right. We should've kept lookin'. Shouldn't of given up."

“You didn't.” But he had. He realized he’d given up the moment he’d turned his back on Rick.

But Aaron hadn’t given up and it was one thing letting yourself die but it was another to let someone else die right along with you. _Aaron’s getting out of here alive_ , Daryl decided. He had to.

“I'll go. I'll lead them out. You make a break for the fence.” Daryl took a long drag of his cigarette. Maybe Aaron could make it.

“No, no, no. This was my fault.” Aaron sat up, shaking his head wildly.

“It wasn't a question. And this ain't your decision. It ain't nobody's fault. Just let me finish my smoke first.” Daryl’s hands were shaking a little but he was sure, he was calm. If this is how he was going to go then he’d make sure it was worth it. Letting Aaron, a good man, a man he’d come to respect even after such a short time, get back to a man that loved him, that was reason enough for Daryl.

“Look I get it, you don’t want to talk about it, what happened between you and Rick. I’m not stupid, I know there’s more that you’re not telling me.”

“What – “

“Just let me finish,” Aaron held up his hand, “You don’t have to say anything. I trust you Daryl and I hope by now you can trust me enough to listen to what I have to say and believe me. Whatever happened, between you and Rick, it doesn’t mean that’s the end. He won’t listen to you, so what. Make him listen to you. I know you’re feeling hopeless now, like maybe you should just stop fighting, give up and die. And I may not have known you long but I know you’re a fighter Daryl; you’re a fighter to your core. So fight.”

“What’re you sayin’?”

“You don't draw them away. We fight. We go for the fence. We do it together. All right? Whether we make it or not, we do it together. We have to.”

“All right.” Daryl nodded, stubbing out his cigarette. He’d fight.

“You ready?” Aaron had his hand on the handle, his eyes locked with Daryl’s.

 “Yeah.” Daryl breathed, his heart starting to speed up again. Together. Maybe they could do it together.

“We'll go on three. One, two—“ Suddenly the walker scratching at Aaron's window had it's head caved in.

“Come on.” A man yelled from outside. It could be a trap but it wasn't like they had any better options.

After a quick look and a nod from Daryl, Aaron opened his door rushing out into the herd. Daryl swore opening his own door and following after him.

It was all a blur, there were so many walkers. They hardly even stop to kill any walkers, not wanting to get swallowed up by the herd. They ran for the gate not stopping until it was closed behind them.

“Thank you,” Aaron panted, “I'm Aaron, this is Daryl.”

“Morgan.” The stranger offered. Daryl took in the man for the first time, looking for any signs of a threat. He looked like he'd been out on the road for some time and he could certainly handle himself. He'd saved them but how could he be sure this wasn’t the man who’d set the traps in the first place? That this wasn’t just part of some big game.

“Why?” Daryl eyed the stranger suspiciously.

“Why? Because all life is precious, Daryl.” Morgan replied easily. Unless he was one hell of an actor Daryl was pretty sure he wasn't one of the guys who'd set the traps. They certainly didn't think life was precious.

And though Daryl's gut was telling him that Morgan wasn't a bad guy, he was still dangerous and he wasn't about to let his guard down. Just because he hadn't set the traps didn't mean Morgan wasn't a threat. Just that he wasn't the threat that they'd been tracking.

“Whoever set that trap, they're coming." Aaron said, apparently deciding they could trust Morgan, "But I have good news. We have a community not too far from here. Walls, electricity, it's safe. If you'd like to come join us—“

“I thank you. But I'm on my way somewhere. Fact is, I'm lost, so if you could tell me where we are.” Morgan held out a folded up map. Daryl took it hesitantly and as he unfolded it he did a double take.

Daryl stared at the map, Abraham’s words scrawled on the corner of it. Could be a coincidence, some random guy finding the map but Daryl didn’t really believe in coincidences. Not anymore.

Morgan. Daryl remembered suddenly Rick talking about the guy who’d saved his life before he’d found the camp. Rick’d said his name was Morgan.

“Morgan,” Daryl repeated, trying to remember everything Rick had told him about the guy, “you know this guy? Rick Grimes?”

“Yeah, I’ve been looking for him for a long time now. I first met him not long after all this started. He’d just woken up from a coma so he didn’t really know what was going on but he helped me and my – he helped me out. Got some guns for me. He’s a good man. I’d like to find him if I can.”

Daryl and Aaron exchanged a look before Daryl thrust the map back in Morgan’s hands.

“Well, just so happens I know exactly where he is.”


	6. Everyone has to Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has turned out a lot longer than I expected. I know it's been slow but I promise after this chapter things start to speed up a bit. It just seems to keep growing every time I sit down and write.
> 
> Comments really keep me going so thank you to all of those who have commented on this fic so far. I really appreciate it. Even if it's just a couple words it means a lot to hear what you all think. 
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter and let me know how you're liking the story so far. Thanks!

By the time they get back to Alexandria it’s dark. They get just inside the gate before Daryl cuts the motor on his bike. Something just didn’t feel right. The whole place felt too damn still.

Daryl looked over his shoulder at Aaron and Morgan climbing out of the car.

“Somethin’ ain’t right,” he said.

Thankfully neither of them questioned him, simply following him down the street weapons at the ready. Daryl doesn't know what he's looking for, he only knows that his instincts are screaming at him that something is very wrong. His instincts are usually right.

“Deanna’s,” Aaron said, whispering nervously, pointing down the road toward her house. Seemed Daryl wasn’t the only one who felt something was off.

They quickly made their way towards Deanna's. It was the only house with lights on and Daryl could hear voices as they got closer coming from the back of the house.

As the neared the entrance to the backyard all of a sudden a gunshot pierced the silence.

 _Too damn late_ , Daryl thought. Rick had a gun, and if Rick was the one pulling the trigger than someone was dead.

The three of them stopped just outside the yard, eyes adjusting to the sight before them.

He stared. Everyone was just standing there, too shocked to even move.

Abraham was holding down the still body. The face had been obliterated but Daryl knew who it was. There was only one person who could’ve made Rick look like this.

Rick stood over Pete's body covered in blood. Even just a few days ago it would have been normal but now, in the middle of this supposed safe haven, the blood stood out a starker red then it ever had before. Rick looked like a crazed man his eyes wild, face and hair streaked with blood. His expression cold with a hint of triumph.

Daryl took in the scene. Deanna and her son were crying, kneeling down next to her husband, his throat a bloody mess and Michonne's katana laying on the ground. His eyes quickly sought out his people, to see they were safe. No one else appeared to be hurt but the Alexandrians all looked shaken, especially Jessie who was standing there staring at her husband with haunted eyes.

"Rick," Morgan said softly, wide eyes fixed on Rick’s face. 

“Morgan,” Rick looked suddenly thrown off balance, shocked. His eyes widened and he looked almost like the Rick that Daryl knew, not the feral creature he’d been moments ago. But it was still there, lurking behind his eyes. How had he not seen it before?

Daryl never should have left. He was a fool to think that Rick could be rational. He knew Rick was wild, he was like a big cat, a tiger that had been locked up in a cage. After so long pacing behind bars the cat wanted blood. And now there was plenty.

“Who are you?” Deanna said clearing her throat and wiping her eyes. Her face was already hardening into stone and her husband’s body wasn’t even cold.

“This is Morgan.” Aaron chocked out, wide eyes flicking from Deanna, to her husband, to Eric standing in the crowd, “He saved us out on the road.”

“I need to interview you.” Deanna stood suddenly, her husband’s limp hand falling from her grasp.

“Deanna,” Maggie stepped forward hesitantly, “maybe now’s not the best time.”

“Mom,” Deanna’s son stood tears streaming down his face, “Dad's dead. This can wait.”

“It can’t wait,” Deanna straightened her shoulders, not looking at her son, “there’s nothing we can do for – what’s done is done. We have to move forward Spencer.”

“Please, Mom.” Spencer implored, "You're not thinking straight right now."

“I want you to take your father and Pete somewhere where they can be prepared for burial. They shouldn't be left out here.” 

"But Mom - "

"Please," Deanna croaked, "I can't - I can't think about this right now. If I do-" 

Spencer finally nodded and a few Alexandrians jolted out of their daze to come forward and help him move the bodies. 

Rick said something to Deanna too low for Daryl to hear. She hesitated but finally nodded, motioning to Morgan. Morgan followed them reluctantly, the three of them disappearing into the house.

It was quiet again and Daryl watched Aaron make his way over to Eric. Aaron all but threw himself at Eric, his arms wrapping around the other man until you could barely even see where one ended and the other began. Daryl looked down, embarrassed, feeling as though he was intruding on their private reunion.

Instead he looked down at the dead body laying at his feet, still lazily bleeding onto the ground. They'd already taken Reg away but Pete remained, no one crying over him, not even his wife who was nowhere to be seen.

 _Serves the fucker right_ , Daryl thought viciously, resisting the sudden urge to kick the body.

“You ok?” Daryl looked up from the slowly bleeding corpse to see Michonne in front of him. She jerked her head away from the people still milling around so Daryl followed her out into the street.

“What the hell happened?” Daryl asked looking at Michonne’s drawn face.

“It all started yesterday. I knew something wasn't right after you left. Rick's been more and more closed off lately but I knew it had something to do with Jessie. He went over to her house, apparently he'd found out that Pete had been beating her. I don’t know what his plan was or how it started, all I know is that it ended with both Rick and Pete crashing through the front window.

"After that Rick went crazy. He was so out of it he wouldn’t even listen to Carl, threw him to the ground just to get at Pete. Then he pulls out a gun and starts raving about how we have to 'control who lives here', how we have to 'fight to survive'. So I did what I had to do. Knocked him out.

"Deanna and the others were about ready to throw Rick out. That’s what all this was about. We were trying to convince them to let him stay. But some idiot left the gate open and walkers got in. Rick took them out and he came to warn everyone when Pete appeared out of nowhere. He'd gotten my katana and he went at Rick. We tried to stop him but in the scuffle he somehow ended up slitting Deanna’s husband’s throat. The rest you saw.” she finished, quietly.

“Never shoulda left.” Daryl growled angrily, pacing.

“You knew didn’t you,” Michonne said, “about the guns.”

“Didn’t want ya ta know. Ya wanted ta try. I respect that. Rick and Carol they weren’t so sure. At first I wasn’t either. Came up with a plan ta get the guns, just in case. But after we had 'em I realized maybe we didn't need 'em. So I told ‘em I wanted ta try and they told me ‘bout Jessie. Tried ta talk some sense into 'em, tell 'em we had to be careful how we went about it but they didn't want ta hear it. 'specially not Rick. Knew it’d come ta this. Just didn’t think it’d happen this fast or I wouldn't of left.”

“You should’ve told me,” she said, sadly, "you should've told me instead of running away. I could've helped. We could've avoided all this."

“Shoulda done a lotta things.” Daryl said bitterly.

"What happen-" Michonne stopped eyes focusing on something over his shoulder.

“Help,” A weak voice called out from the darkness. Daryl turned to see two people stumble down the street.

He squinted into the dark, trying to make out they figures. His eyes went wide when he saw who it was.

Glenn staggered, leaning heavily on Nicholas bleeding profusely from his shoulder.

“The fuck happened?” Daryl rushed forward, instantly on alert.

“I got shot,” Glenn groaned and Daryl took in Nicholas, the bruises on his face and he knew. He remembered the way the man had gone after Glenn, way he'd looked at him. Suddenly, Daryl remembered that he still had his crossbow. In one fluid movement he had it leveled at Nicholas’s face.

“Did he shoot ya?” Daryl asked harshly, “Glenn, did this fuckin’ idiot shoot ya?”

“Don’t Daryl,” Glenn shook his head, falling forward into Michonne's arms, “just don’t.”

“I’ll fuckin’ kill ya,” Daryl snarled at Nicholas, the man paling and trying to back away, “ya hear me ya fucker? I fuckin’ kill ya.”

"Daryl, please. Not now." Glenn sagged, his shirt wet with blood.

“Glenn,” Maggie all but screamed, suddenly rushing towards them, others following her at the sound, “Oh my god, Glenn.”

“We’ve got to get him to the infirmary.” Michonne said calmly, “Maggie, look at me. He's going to be fine but we need to get him there now.”

Maggie nodded, tears streaming from her eyes.

“Carol, grab him,” Michonne nodded towards Nicholas, who was standing there looking dazed.

“I got him,” Daryl moved to grab the man.

“No you stay here,” Michonne shook her head, “You need to fill Rick in when he get out of there.” _You need to make sure he doesn't overreact again_ , went unsaid.

“Alright,” Daryl nodded, watching the group make their way down the street to the infirmary.

“What happened? Heard shouting.” Daryl turned to see Rick standing in the entrance to the backyard.

“Glenn’s hurt," Rick started to rush forward but Daryl caught him by the arm, "the others are takin’ care of it. There's nothin' we can do right now. But you and I, we need ta talk.”

“Saw you talking to Michonne. She tell you what happened?" Rick asked.

“Yeah, told me all ‘bout yer brawl with Pete. What the hell were ya thinkin’?” Daryl said harshly.

“I tried, Daryl. I really did. I did what you wanted, I tried not to kill him. I went over there to reason with him. But he didn’t give me any choice.”

“But this is what you wanted isn’t it? To get rid of him.” Daryl knew he was getting louder and louder but he couldn't help it. Rick was just standing there so calmly, like he hadn't just screwed everything up.

“It had to be done.” Rick said. 

“Yeah, it did. That was never a question. But not like this. Michonne told me what happened. You made this happen. Ya pushed until he broke, until the whole thing came crumblin’ down around ya. Ya made this the only way out. If you weren't so damn worried about Jessie - ”

“Why’re you so damn fixated on Jessie? You jealous?” Rick said sharply, his eyebrow arched and Daryl's stomach dropped.

“Fuck you,” Daryl snarled, angrily.

“So you are jealous?”

When his fist connected with Rick's face he felt instantly both horrified and satisfied in the same breath. Rick staggered back looking stunned. All of a sudden Daryl felt all the rage he'd been holding back boil up to the surface.

“You’re so fuckin’ stupid.” Daryl spit out, “This ain’t even about that, not really. I trusted ya. I knew ya weren’t thinkin’ straight but I never thought you’d be dumb enough to actually put anyone in danger. That’s what ya did Rick, ya put all of us in danger. Bein' reckless. Ya have yer head stuck so far up yer ass ya can’t even see you put yer own kids in danger.”

“I was trying to protect them." Rick shot back.

“Bullshit you were. You were so damn focused on Pete you fuckin’ pushed Carl to the ground? You were gonna have yerself get kicked outta this place?” Daryl took a deep breath, trying to calm down, “Fuck I don’t wanna be here either but we gotta. This world in here, it ain’t for us. Our world’s outside those walls, I know that. But this here, it’s fer Carl an’ Judy. If you can’t see that, if you can’t put them before you, then maybe you ain’t the man I thought ya were.”

Rick’s eyes went wide like Daryl had punched him again, “Daryl –“ Rick started.

“Figure yer shit out man,” Daryl cut him off, turning away, “And if you so much as fuckin’ look at that blond I’ll do a whole lot worse than that punch.”

-

Daryl walked into the infirmary, all of the events of the day beginning to catch up with him. He felt exhausted, drained, like he could just lay down and sleep for days.

Glenn was laying on the bed next to Tara, both of them looking extremely pale with their eyes closed. Maggie sat on the edge of Glenn’s bed, his hand clasped firmly in hers. Carol was the only other one in the room, going through the cabinets of medical supplies and quietly keeping an eye on the couple from across the room.

Not wanting to disturb Maggie, Daryl walked over to Carol.

“How is he?” Daryl whispered.

“Stable, I think. We got the bullet out and patched him up as best we could but neither of us are trained for this. I have no idea how bad it is. All we can do is wait to see if he pulls through.” She sighed, putting away some gauze.

"Where's Nicholas?" Daryl asked. He still had half a mind to find the asshole and just finish it despite Glenn's strange request to keep the other man alive.

"They took him back to his house. He wasn't too bad off. They're keeping him there until we can figure out what to do with him."

And that was the question wasn't it, what to do with Nicholas. He'd tried to kill one of their own, by all rights Daryl should have put an arrow through the bastard's eye. But Glenn had stopped him.

Where did they draw the line? Rick had just executed a man for murder but what was the punishment for attempted murder? If they'd been back at the prison or even out on the road it wouldn't even be a question. But now, it was still Deanna's rodeo, however tenuous her leadership was. For now they'd decided not to take this place, which meant they weren't the ones making the rules.

Still Deanna wasn't the same woman she'd been. Daryl could see it in her eyes. Who knew what she was going to do. Daryl doubted she even knew herself.

“Rick did the right thing. With Pete." Carol said finally breaking the silence, "It had to be done.” 

“Maybe,” Daryl shrugged tiredly.

“Pete wasn’t going to stop. You know that.”

“Yeah,” Daryl sighed, “Don’t matter much now I guess. What’s done ‘s done.”

“What I said about Jessie before, about her being good for him, I didn’t mean that Rick should be with her. Just meant that he’s been drifting and she was something to fight for. Something tying him to this place." Carol put her hand on his arm, "He doesn’t love her, he might of thought he did but he doesn’t.”

“Know it ain’t love," Daryl said stiffly, pulling away from her grasp, "Couldn’t be but it was something. It was enough to make him kill a man for her.”

“Well whatever it was it’s over now. Because it doesn’t matter that he was a bastard, Pete was still Jessie’s husband and Rick was the one who shot him. Every time she looks at him she’s going to remember that.”

“I know it had ta be done," Daryl sighed, "even glad it’s over. But this changes everythin’.”

“Things had to change." Carol said, her eyes sharp, "Until now they’ve been a time capsule, a never changing glimpse into our past. If we hadn’t come along they would have held onto the old world until this new one killed them. They’ve been so blinded by these walls, thinking that they’ve shielded them, that they don’t have to change. But they’re not special, they’re not somehow exempt. Everyone has to change.”

 _Everyone had changed_ , Daryl thought unable to decide if that was a good or a bad thing.


	7. We Can Fix It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a really tough chapter. I wrote and re-wrote these scenes over and over. Hopefully they turned out alright.
> 
> Thanks so much once again to all those who commented on this fic. Truly all your kind words keep me going so thank you!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

After lying on the couch for hours, trying to fall asleep, Daryl finally sat up rubbing his face. He couldn’t sleep, not when all these thoughts kept running through his head. He kept seeing the same damn things over and over. The walkers’ faces pressed against the windows of the van, Morgan holding out the map, Rick’s bloody face, Pete’s ruined one, Glenn cold and pale, him punching Rick, Maggie crying softly.

Everything just seemed on a constant loop, the past 24 hours running on repeat through his head. He was tired, beyond exhausted, but he wasn’t going to get any sleep like this.

He quietly made his way out of the house to go in search of Buttons.The streets were quiet and still as they had been hours ago when he’d just returned but it was a different kind of stillness. It was calm now, at least for the moment.

Daryl walked down to the open grassy area that he knew Buttons liked to graze in. Sure enough there he was, almost blending into the darkness, quietly eating under the apple trees.

“Hey there,” Daryl crooned softly as he neared the horse, “hey, yer alright.”

The horse raised his head to take Daryl in. He still looked thin and he was still wild but he seemed calmer now. He’d realized by now that nothing here was going to hurt him so he’d relaxed, at least a little bit. Daryl wished it had worked like that for Rick.

"You know yer safe here, don't cha?" he said softly, Buttons flicking his ears towards him, "This place it's safe. Or it will be. We can make it safe. Just like the prison."

Daryl closed his eyes and he could see it, the watchtowers, the fences, the small pen they'd had for Flame, the little plot of land Rick had set to making into a garden. He could remember every detail but the memory felt like smoke and it made his throat tight and his eyes burn.

“Things ain’t the way they were before. I know they can’t be but I wish – sometimes I don't wanna be here.”

And in that instant Daryl missed everything. He missed that cloying heat of summer in Georgia, he missed Beth singing, he missed Hershel’s stern kindness, and Tyreese’s calm wisdom. He missed all of it. But most of all he missed the way he and Rick had been like one person, understanding each other seamlessly. He missed how a single look said more than words ever could. He missed it so much he could barely breathe.

He let out a hiccuping sob before he could stop himself. It had been a long time since Daryl had really cried. His eyes had welled with tears when he finally saw Carol again, but he hadn't let them fall. He’d cried when Beth was shot but those tears had dried on his face before he'd even felt them. When he'd went off by himself afterwards he'd even tried to cry then but the tears wouldn't come. No, the last time he’d really truly let himself cry was when he’d found Merle.

He hadn't been able to stop it. He’d stared into his brother’s dead face and hated him. He’d hated him for leaving him when they were kids, for not seeing what their dad had done to him, for not trying hard enough. He hated him for leaving him all alone again and this time for good.

After making sure Merle truly was gone, he'd collapsed and cried until he couldn't cry anymore. For a while he thought that maybe he didn't have any tears left. But now tears were starting to stream down his face without his permission and he couldn't stop them just like before.

For a while Buttons just stared at him but then suddenly the horse took a step closer. Daryl stood stock still and the horse just kept coming until it was only a few feet away. If Daryl took another step and reached out his hand he could touch Buttons’ flank but he didn’t dare. This had to be on Buttons terms or everything he’d been working towards would be for nothing.

Daryl stood there staring into the horse’s big dark eyes and felt like he could see into the creature’s very soul. Buttons stretched out his neck until his muzzle was inches from Daryl’s skin, the horse’s hot breath wafting over him. Somehow the horse understood that Daryl was drifting and he’d given him something to hang onto.

So Daryl just stood there feeling the horse breathe, and he finally let himself cry.

-

“Did you sleep out here?”

Daryl jerked awake, hand going for his knife immediately. He was disoriented for a moment before realizing he was leaning up against one of the apple trees in the clearing. He must have sat down at some point last night and fallen asleep.

“Relax, it’s just me,” Daryl blinked up at Michonne. He sighed rolling his neck, looking around for Buttons but not seeing any sign of him.

“Did the couch get too soft for you?” she teased plopping down beside him as he rubbed his sore neck.

“Nah, couldn’t sleep. Came out here ta clear my head.” He said stiffly.

“I still can’t believe you passed on the bed. That thing is so damn soft it feels like a cloud.”

“That’s the problem. Fuckin’ thing tried ta eat me alive,” Daryl grumbled making Michonne laugh before she sobered again, looking concerned.

“How are you doin’? You know, after last night.”

“I’m alright,” Daryl mumbled. After he’d cried he’d felt – better. Like a small weight had been lifted off his chest. Maybe he had needed it.

“Talked to Rick last night, after he came home,” she said eyeing Daryl, “told me you handed him his ass.”

“He deserved it,” Daryl grumbled, frowning.

“He did. And he knows it too. Hell I wish I'd hit him over the head a little harder. Maybe if he'd been out a little longer we could've avoided this whole damn mess.”

“You trust Rick?” he squinted at her. Michonne hesitated for a moment before nodding. 

“Rick’s made some pretty shit calls lately but yeah I still trust him. I know deep down he’s still that same good man who led us this far. He’s not been thinking straight but he can make his way back to the Rick we all knew. He just needs someone to guide the way.” She looked at Daryl pointedly.

“What? Me?" Daryl scoffed, incredulous, "He’s not listenin’ ta me anymore remember. That’s how this whole mess started in the first place. Why not you?”

“Because as much as I know Rick respects me there are ways you guys talk to each other that I can’t even understand. He listens to you even when you don’t say a word. When he has to make a tough call he might look to me for advice but it’s you his eyes search for first. He’ll listen now because he wants to listen. He’s afraid of losing you, I can see it.”

“Well ain’t no one gonna lose me,” Daryl said uncomfortably thinking about how he’d almost given up in the van, “I’ll talk to him but he’s gotta wanna listen. ‘m done chasin’ him down, tryin’ ta convince him a shit he doesn’t wanna hear."

"Fair enough," Michonne shrugged, her long hair falling over her shoulders as she stood.

"We good?" Daryl questioned squinting up at her, suddenly nervous. Michonne had become his friend against all odds and he couldn't stand the thought of her not being able to trust him.

"You mean am I mad that you didn't tell me about the guns?" Michonne fixed him with a sharp look, "Yeah I'm mad. You should've come to me but I get why you didn't. Things between Rick and you, they're complicated, always have been. I get it. But I think it's about time things become a little less complicated around here, don't you?"

-

After his talk with Michonne, Daryl went back to the house to check on Judith. Daryl made his way down the hall and peeked into the room they'd converted into Judith's nursery. 

"Hey Little Asskicker," Daryl smiled at Judith, who was standing up in her crib holding onto the edge. 

Once they'd all felt safe enough to spread out and not all sleep crammed into the living room, they'd debated where Judith would sleep. As much as Rick had wanted her with him or Carl, Judith was a restless sleeper and after so long waking up at the smallest sound no one was getting any sleep with her in the room. It took some convincing but Rick finally let them convert the small office next to the master into a nursery. It wasn't much but there was a clean crib and some toys which was more than they'd ever had on the road. 

"Won't be long before she's toddling around," Daryl looked up to see Carol standing in the doorway,"I tried putting her down for a nap but she'd been having trouble getting on a schedule. I'm sure it's hard going from sleeping when we can, where we can, to sleeping in a crib alone."

"I can stay with her. If you want." Daryl said picking Judith up carefully, "You want that Little Asskicker, you want me ta stay with ya?" Daryl cooed at her. She'd gotten so big, especially compared to the teeny little thing that'd barely been as long as his forearm the first time he'd held her.

"She's got you wrapped around her little finger Daryl Dixon." Carol smiled.

"Hey, nothin' wrong with that," Daryl frowned, pulling a face a Judith, making her giggle.

"No," Carol shook her head, still smiling, "guess not." She closed the door quietly behind her.

Judith reached up and pulled hard on his scraggly beard, still giggling.

"Ow," Daryl gently pried her fist from his beard, "that hurts Judy."

She just blinked her big eyes up at him and smiled again. "Yer gonna be spoiled ain't cha?" Daryl said swinging Judith around, "Huh, you know yer cute don't cha? That's why you get away with so much ya little monster." He said as he tickled her and she squealed. 

Before long though she was yawning and rubbing her fists over her eyes. 

"You sleepy?" Daryl murmured, rocking her slowly, "'s ok Judith. You can sleep. Won't leave ya alone."

Slowly he felt he settle against him, her face pressed into his shoulder and her breathing becoming soft and even.

He'd never cared much for kids, let alone babies. Years ago before all this, Merle had dated some girl once that'd had a baby. Whenever she came over to fuck, they'd always dumped the kid on him. He'd watched it, even changed it's damn dipper a time or two but he'd been more than happy the day Merle had announced that he was done with 'that bitch' and he'd never have to see the kid again.

Judith was different. From the moment he'd seen her he'd known that he'd do anything for her. 

Daryl heard the door creak open and looked up expecting to see Carol again. But it wasn't Carol.

Rick stood in the doorway looking nervous. Daryl gently put Judith back down in her crib, careful not to wake her.

“Somethin’ ya wanted Sheriff?” Daryl asked frowning at Rick.

“I screwed up,” Rick said embarrassed, stepping into the room hesitantly, “I screwed up and I owe you an apology.”

“Ya think?” 

“You were trying to tell me but I wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t listen because if I had heard what you were saying you could’ve changed my mind.”

“I could’ve been here with ya," Daryl said tiredly, "We coulda done this thing the right way. No brawls in the streets, no half crazed monologgin’, just us doin’ what needs ta be done.”

“I know that now. I just couldn’t see it then. It all seemed so simple, I could only see one path. You weren’t here to tell me any different.”

“That ain’t on me,” Daryl frowned, pointing at Rick, “you pushed me away.”

“I’m not blaming you, this is my mess, I know that,” Rick said quickly, his hands up, “I’m just trying to tell you that I wasn’t thinking straight because I didn’t have you with me.” Rick paused, before adding softly, “I’m better with you.”

Daryl flushed.

“I wanna believe ya Rick, I really do, but you ain’t been so trustworthy lately.”

“I know but I wanna change that. Right here, right now.” 

“No more secrets,” Daryl said firmly, "not from our people."

“I never wanted to keep secrets, it just happened. I know I can trust our people. It's Deanna's people that I'm worried about. They're not ready for what's out there.”

“They saw one a their own get put down, saw that these wall ain’t foolproof. They ain’t ready, not yet, but they will be soon. And we all need ta be ready cause shit’s comin’ Rick. I can feel it in my bones.”

“Morgan told me about where he found you. Told me about the people out there. Are they really hunting people?”

“Yeah and they’re close. Won’t be long before they find this place. They’re smart, they’re ruthless and they’re fuckin’ crazy."

"Then we'll be ready." Rick said simply.

Daryl looked down at Judith, sleeping peacefully for once. They had to be ready to protect this place, for Carl, for her. If anyone left in this world deserved a happy life it was them.

“I realized that I see us in them," Rick said softly, causing Daryl to look up at him, "Deanna's people, they're the way we used to be. At the beginning of all this I would’ve been like Deanna, I would’ve argued with the man that came demanding Pete’s blood that we don’t kill that living. But I'm not that man anymore. And it makes me think maybe back at the farm Shane was right, maybe I was weak. But I can't be, not anymore.

“I look at myself in the mirror and I see him staring back at me. And that’s what scares me most of all. Because for so long I had it in my head that he was wrong and I was right and I had to kill him. But what if I didn’t, what if things had happened the other way around? If he was the one who’d walked away from the field that night who could he have saved by doing what needed to be done instead of hesitating?”

Rick looked so lost in that moment that Daryl felt any lingering anger towards Rick bleed away. Maybe Michonne was right, maybe Rick was ready to listen.

“You ain’t Shane,” Daryl said firmly, eyes fixed on Rick, “you ain’t him and you never will be. Shane never woulda gotten us this far. He didn’t give a shit about anybody but himself, not even Lori and Carl. He just wanted ‘em cause they was yers. He didn't give a shit protectin’ ‘em. That was just him bein’ a selfish bastard. There was no question he needed ta be put down, he was a danger ta all a us, 'specially you. You’ve made some shit calls I ain’t denyin’ that, maybe even some a the same ones Shane woulda made, but we wouldn’t be standin’ here without you. If Shane had walked away from that field, we all woulda been dead a long time ago.”

“You’re nothing like Shane either.” Rick said slowly after a moment, as if he'd suddenly realized something very important.

“What do ya mean?” Daryl asked confused.

“Shane was my best friend for more than half my life. We grew up together, he was with me through everything. He was the best man at my wedding, he was with me for the birth of my child, we saw each so much we practically lived together.

“When you and I sat there on that road I called you brother. But I shouldn’t of used that word. Because Shane was my brother and he looked me in the eye and told me that he wanted me dead. He gave up on me. You’ve never given up on me, even when I’ve given up on myself.”

“Guess neither of us had the best luck when it came ta brothers then.” Daryl said, unable to look at Rick, his heart in his throat.

“Yeah, guess not.” Rick murmured, finally. Daryl suddenly felt like the room was too small. He needed some air.

Daryl brushed past Rick and for a moment he thought Rick was going to say something but he didn't. 

“You was never like Deanna either,” Daryl added pausing in the doorway, “Back at the beginnin’, you wouldn’t a killed Pete that’s true. But you never woulda sat by if you knew what was happenin’ ta Jessie. Maybe you didn’t make the best call but at least ya did somethin’.”

“Right now I wish I hadn’t,” Rick said softly, "feels like I just made everything worse."

"Maybe," Daryl turned and locked eyes with Rick, "maybe ya did. But we can fix it."


	8. Finding the Right Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize that this chapter took a bit longer than usual to upload. My original plan was update every couple days but besides my increasing writer's block when it comes to this story, I've been so busy lately and haven't had much time to write. However, as an apology, in addition to a slightly longer chapter we also have our first hint of sexiness at the end of this chapter so I hope that makes up for the small wait. 
> 
> I hope to go back to updating every couple days as I've finally been getting some bursts of inspiration. Anyway hope you all enjoy and please, as always, leave comments with your thoughts on the chapter. Especially the sexiness ;)

“Daryl?” Aaron’s voice sounded from the living room as Daryl reached the bottom of the stairs.

“What’s up?” Daryl asked curiously, entering to find Aaron looking around hesitantly.

“Hey can you help me for a minute?”

“Yeah what do ya need?” Daryl hefted his crossbow onto his shoulder.

“It’s for Buttons,” Aaron turned, “it's easier to just show you.”

When they walked out of the house Daryl realized how quiet things were. There were usually people out on the streets by now, kids playing, but he couldn’t see anyone. It was amazing how quickly everything had changed.

“How’s Glenn doing?” Aaron asked tentatively as Daryl followed him down the street.

“Alright I guess,” Daryl shrugged, feeling the ball of worry in the pit of his stomach tighten at the thought of his friend, “Saw ‘im last night. Carol said they got the bullet out but that don’t mean he’s gonna be ok.”

“I’m sorry about all of this,” Aaron said softly, looking at Daryl out of the corner of his eye, “Feel like it's partly my fault. I promised you a safe place and you’ve already lost Noah and Tara and Glenn are both hurt and it’s seems like it's all because of us.”

“Ain’t yer fault,” Daryl said gruffly, “you done right by us. No way you coulda known all this was gonna happen. ’sides you lost some people yerself."

“I know,” Aaron sighed, running a hand through his hair, “that's why I think we should stay close for a while. Things are a little – tense around here. I think it’s best that we work things out among ourselves before we go out looking for more people to bring back.”

Daryl grunted, “Trust me, ain’t goin' nowhere ‘til I’m sure Rick’s got his head on straight.”

Aaron opened his mouth to say something before apparently thinking better of it.

Aaron led the way as they walked towards the center of the neighborhood. In the middle was one of those fancy clubhouses all the rich neighborhoods had. On the one side there was a small basketball court he’d seen some of the kids playing in and on the other there was a detached garage.

“This is where we set up for Buttons.” Aaron explained, lifting the garage door to reveal the inside. The floor was covered with straw and there were buckets and bags of grain stacked on the side. 

“’s nice,” Daryl looked around, "but he ain't gonna come anywhere near this. 'least not for awhile." It was a good size, more than enough room for a horse but it was still four walls and a roof. Buttons was still far too skittish to let himself be closed up like that.

“I know. That's why I want to pull this out,” Aaron pointed to a big black water trough in the back, “I’ve been setting out water buckets for him but they keep getting knocked over so I have no idea if he’s even getting any water. Figured this would be better especially since it doesn't seem like he's going to be in this stall any time soon.”

“Alright then,” Daryl grunted, setting down his crossbow, "let's move it."

They each grabbed a side a started to pull it towards the front, the water already in the tub sloshing up the sides. 

“Found an abandoned farm not too far from here. Found the buckets and this straw growing wild there.” Aaron panted out as they hefted the heavy tub, “Maybe we can go back and get more supplies.”

Daryl hummed in response as they finally got the trough around to the side of the garage and set it down on the grass. They both leaned against the wall to catch their breath.

"Damn thing's heavier than it looks," Aaron panted. Daryl nodded looking out over the grassy field. Buttons still wasn't there but he'd be back soon enough. Wasn't like he had many other places to go anyway.

“’s gonna take time ‘fore he’s ready ta trust humans again." Daryl said finally, "Don’t blame him, most a the people he’s seen lately have been tryin’ ta eat ‘im.” Aaron straightened up and fixed Daryl with a serious look.

"You know you can trust me right?"

"We been through this already. I trust ya. Why're ya askin'?" Daryl shifted to look at Aaron from under his hair. He wasn't sure he liked where this was going.

"What's going on between you and Rick?"

Daryl felt like the air had been sucked out of his lungs. He stared at Aaron.

"'s like I said. We had a disagreement. But we talked it out, things 're good now."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Aaron murmured softly. Daryl looked away trying to calm his racing heart. He didn't even want to think about this. There was no way in hell he was wanted to sit here and talk about it with Aaron like a couple of girls.

"Look I'm the last person in the world who's going to judge you. You can talk to me." Aaron said insistently and Daryl knew exactly what was going through Aaron's mind.

"It ain't like that," Daryl spit out. With anyone else he would have already knocked them out for meddling in things that didn't concern them. But this was Aaron. The man had just saved his life. That counted for something. 

That being said if the man pushed much more he'd get a fist to the face regardless.

"Do you want it to be?" Daryl pushed off the wall ready to go off on Aaron. Ready to tell him that he didn't know what he was talking about, there was nothing between him and Rick. But as he opened his mouth he heard someone come up behind them.

“Hey, everyone's ready,” Daryl turned to see Eric hobbling slowly towards them.

“What’s goin’ on?” Daryl asked, thankful for the sudden interruption but still tense. He wondered how much Eric had heard.

“Deanna’s called a meeting. She wants to talk about everything that happened last night.” 

"We should go then," Aaron said but he hesitated, waving a curious Eric on as he lingered in front of Daryl, "I watched you guys for a long time on the road. I saw how you were with your people. I saw how you looked at Rick. You looked at him like you wanted to tell him something but you just didn't know the right words."

"I don't know what I want," Daryl admitted looking at the ground.

"I think you do," Aaron replied softly, "and I think it scares the hell out of you. But you don't have to be scared. Because I saw how he looked at you too."

Daryl's eyes snapped up to search Aaron's face but he was already turning away.

"If you want to talk you know where to find me."

-

Daryl trailed after Aaron and Eric, following them to Deanna's house. He hesitated at the open front door, steeling himself, pushing down all his confused feelings before walking inside.

It looked like everyone in the whole community had crammed themselves into Deanna's living room. No doubt they didn't want to return to the backyard so soon and he didn't blame them. The memories from that night weren't going to go away any time soon.

Daryl settled against the wall on the edge of the room just watching everyone. Most of his people were there. Tara and Glenn were obviously missing, along with Eugene who had offered to sit with them, and Carl who was no doubt watching Judith but everyone else was there. Even Maggie, pale and worried as she was, sat grim faced next to Deanna.

Deanna looked like she’d aged ten years over night. The lines on her face stood out more and her sandy colored hair suddenly looked to be streaked with grey more than blonde. But she too looked strong like Maggie and after everyone had finally settled in she cleared he throat to begin.

“Thank you all for coming,” she said standing, her voice even, “I know that things have been – difficult lately, especially last night. I know many of you still have concerns about Rick and his people. That is why I have asked you all here today. I want you all to be able to voice your opinions in a safe environment without fear of punishment.

“I still believe that transparency is the best policy though I admit that I myself have been the worst about this rule. That ends today. I was wrong to ignore what was happening with Pete. As your appointed leader it was my responsibility to do something about it but I did nothing. For that I am sorry." Deanna looked directly at Jessie and the woman all but flinched. 

She looked like she'd aged over night too. He normally perfect blonde hair fell limply around her face and her eyes looked dead but she was still there, sitting straight backed in the chair her mouth set in a grim line. Despite any lingering resentment Daryl felt towards the woman he had always respected her. He knew what she'd gone through and what she was feeling now. She was relieved, angry, sad, and confused all at once. But she was strong, she would make it.

"Rick was strong enough to do what I could not and for that I am grateful," Deanna continued, "As all of you know, I was the first one to want him gone but today I stand before you and I am telling you that if we lose them, we are perhaps losing our only chance at survival.

“In order to be completely transparent I will tell you all about my conversation with Morgan.” Deanna motioned to Morgan lingering by the doorway, looking like he wasn't sure he wanted to be here, “He has told me about men that he encountered on the road, not too far from our own walls. These men are dangerous and they have no regard for human life. They have set traps to capture other people, to do God knows what to them. They almost captured two of our own but thanks to Morgan they're safe and we now know what we are facing. They're ruthless and skilled and very dangerous. I do not tell you these things to frighten you, I tell you because you need to understand that we are in danger and that we need help if we are going to survive.

“Now, I want everyone to say their piece but I think Rick should be given an opportunity to speak first.”

As all eyes turned to Rick, he squared his shoulders like he was going into battle.

“Before we came here,” Rick’s voice filled the room effortlessly, calm and confident, “before we shattered your fantasy we had our own place not unlike this. It was a prison and we made it our own. We cleared it out, secured it, guarded it, defended it as you have never had to do. We did everything right and we still lost it. We lost it not to walkers but to people. Because people, they're the real threat now. In order to survive out there you have to change. You have to become something else entirely. Some people forget what it is to be human. They're just rabid animals destroying everything in their paths. We aren't like that, though I will admit sometimes the line between us and them gets blurred. I wanted to take this place, take it to save it because I didn't think you could do it on your own. I didn't think you could change. But you can change, you will or you'll die. So if you want to win the fight that is coming you need us.”

“Why should we let you stay?” Daryl’s eyes flicked over to Deanna’s son, hunched in a chair looking maybe even more haggard than his mother. “Ever since you got here there’s been nothing but death. In the past week we’ve lost more people then we’d lose in months before you came. We don't need your help. We survived just fine on our own until now.”

“Because you were lucky,” Rick said icily, “One day those bad people out there are going to find you and they are going to kill every last one of you. Because you’re weak. You're weak and you’ll all die if you don’t fight for this place.”

“My dad wasn’t weak,” Spencer grit out rising slowly, “and it’s your fault he’s dead.”

Suddenly he rushed forward at Rick. Daryl couldn’t see a weapon but the expression of murder on Spencer's face was enough for him to move forward in an instant, his arm coming up to put the man in a choke-hold.

“You best think this through carefully. I know you’ve been hurtin’ but you make another move like that and you’ll be wishin’ ya didn’t.” Daryl hissed in Spencer’s ear.

“Daryl, let him go,” Deanna said firmly, “he’s just upset. He’s not going to do anything. Are you Spencer?”

The boy struggled in Daryl’s grip.

“Daryl,” he looked up to lock eyes with Rick, “it’s ok. Let him go.”

“Make another move, an’ I’ll drop ya ‘fore ya get an inch.” Daryl hissed, giving a parting squeeze before letting him go. Spencer rubbed his neck, giving Daryl a glare before slumping back down into his chair.

“Wanna make one thing very clear,” Daryl said, eyeing all the Alexandrians, “Y’all need us, y’all need us a helluva lot more than we need you. If these walls come crashin’ down, if those psychos find this place yer gonna need us. Now, I know Rick’s not exactly been Officer Friendly but what he’s done, everythin’, ‘s all been for this place.”

“We’re not asking everyone to leave, just him,” a woman in the back said quietly.

“What I think y’all are failin’ ta grasp here is that we’re a package deal. If Rick goes I can pretty much guarantee that best case scenario is that you lose all a us with him. Worst case…” Daryl shrugged trailing off, “we ain’t yer enemies but rest assured if you try an' separate us we ain’t gonna be yer friends neither.”

“There’s no need for violence. No one’s talking about separating anyone,” Deanna said holding up her hands before turning to address the Alexandrians, “I know things have been difficult and confusing but I believe that the best course of action is for Rick and his people to stay. I truly believe they are good people and if we want to survive we need them.”

Slowly the other Alexandrians murmured their agreement. Spencer still looked angry and shaken, along with a few others but they seemed to accept Deanna’s judgment. At least for the moment.

“Now, we all know there is another reason we all are here. Nicholas,” Deanna paused looking at Maggie briefly, “needs to be dealt with. Now, I’ll open up the floor to all those who have anything to say on this matter.”

“We only have their word that’s what really happened. We should hear from Nicholas too.” One of the Alexandrians finally spoke up quietly.

“He’s said his piece. Told us all we need ta know when he put a bullet through Glenn’s shoulder.” Rick growled.

“How do we know your man didn’t come after him? That it wasn’t self defense?” Someone else called out.

“Because Nicholas is still alive,” Maggie said, her eyes like flint.

“I have talked to Nicholas myself,” Deanna said, “but he’s very shaken. He wouldn’t say anything to me. But I think it is pretty clear what happened. Maggie’s right, if Glenn had wanted Nicholas gone he wouldn’t still be here.”

“Nicholas needs to be dealt with.” Rick said finally.

“So what exactly are you suggesting? That we kill him too?” Spencer said harshly, looking up his eyes narrowed.

“Why can’t we just let him go? Like the others who didn’t work out?” A woman said meekly from the back.

“You shouldn’t of let anyone go," Rick said frustrated, "They know where this place is, it’s numbers, defenses, weaknesses. If you let him go he could very well come back stronger and destroy this place.”

“Or he could just die out there,” Spencer said frowning.

“Which would be a crueler death than what I’m suggesting.” Rick pointed out, “Listen in the old world I was a cop. I arrested people, took them to jail, made sure they got a fair trial, and sometimes made sure they got thrown in prison. Trust me I wish we could do that but we don’t have that luxury now. We don’t have the resources to watch and feed a man that can’t provide anything, who is a danger to us. The way I see it, we only have one option.”

“So we vote then,” Deanna said spreading her hands, “everyone still has a voice and I want to hear each of you.”

“I think we should wait,” Maggie finally spoke, “we should hear from Glenn. He should be the one to make the call.”

There were murmurs of agreement.

"I guess we should at least hear the story straight from him," Spencer said grudgingly.

“Rick?” Deanna asked, turning to him.

Rick locked eyes with Daryl, searching his face for something. Confirmation, Daryl realized Rick was looking to him for an opinion. His heart swelled.

After only a moment’s hesitation Daryl gave a slight nod and Rick nodded back.

“We can wait until Glenn has woken up, hear what he has to say. But I know the way it’s going to end. The way it has to end. We all do.”

-

Daryl made his way out of the house as quickly as possible. He stood on the porch watching everyone stream past him out onto the street.

“Thanks for backing me up in there.” Daryl turned to see Rick walking out of the front door.

“Always got yer back Rick,” Daryl squinted up at Rick.

They stood for a moment watching the last of the people stream away. Daryl thought about what Aaron had said earlier. What had he meant, he'd seen how Rick looked at him? What was that supposed to mean?

He looked at Rick out of the corner of his eye only to find Rick was in fact looking at him intensely like he was debating whether or not to say something.

Rick hesitated before slowly bringing his hand up and running it through Daryl’s hair. Daryl froze, unable to hear anything over his heartbeat thundering in his ears. Rick’s hands were gentle as they ran through his hair, caressing the side of his head almost tenderly. Rick's face was unreadable but he kept his eyes glued on Daryl.

The moment was over too soon as Rick pulled away looking awkward.

“Uh, ya got – hay,” Rick said in a thick voice, showing Daryl the piece he’d pulled from his hair.

“Thanks,” Daryl replied gruffly, praying to god his face wasn’t as red as it felt.

What the hell was that? After so long on the road, crammed into tight quarters, they'd quickly gotten over any issues about personal space. Even Daryl, who for so long had flinched from even a slap on the shoulder, found himself becoming more comfortable with everyone's need to touch him after a run or a close call. He'd seek it out sometimes, just a light brush to make sure the other person was still there. It had become so commonplace among them, especially between Rick and him, something they did without even thinking about it. So why now did he suddenly feel like Rick's touch had sent liquid fire racing through his veins?

“Glad you're here,” Rick cleared his throat, “I was right. I’m better with you here.”

And he turned and jogged down the steps before Daryl could even open his mouth.

-

After making sure everyone was safely in bed that night Daryl flopped down on the couch.

He could still feel Rick’s hands in his hair and every word he’d spoken came flooding back all at once.

 _I’m better with you here._  

“Fuck,” Daryl groaned running a hand through his sweaty hair, causing him to think about how it had felt when Rick had so carefully run his fingers through it. The way he'd looked at him with such intensity, like there was an inferno blazing in his eyes.

With a sudden clarity he could feel the warmth between his thighs. With every shift he could feel the scratch of denim over his thighs and he fucking  _throbbed_.

It had been years since he’d felt arousal in relation to another human being. Even before the apocalypse he’d been too damn busy trying to keep Merle out of trouble to do much more than jack off whenever he got too wound up. It had always been just stress relief nothing more.

Merle talked nonstop about big tits and tiny waists but the figures in Daryl’s fantasies were always barely silhouettes. They were just vague impressions, just the presence of another person. He’d never had a type, there hadn’t even been some celebrity or porn mag he’d used. But now every single faceless fantasy he’d ever had suddenly morphed into a curly haired, steel eyed, ex-sheriff. The whole room suddenly felt stifling.

 _Get a grip_ , he snarled to himself,  _yer in a damn living room_.

And it was true he was laying there out in the open on a couch at any moment any one of his people could walk in and find him there. But fuck if that didn’t make him harder to think about one man in particular that could walk in.

Daryl rolled onto his side, trying to shift his hips so that his cock wasn’t pressed so painfully against his zipper. Shit, he closed his eyes trying not to think about how Rick’s hand had felt in his hair. How it would feel if it had tightened and brought Daryl closer.

Rick would kiss like a typhoon, Daryl was sure of it. He could almost feel the other man’s lips and teeth against his own. He could see Rick tightening his hands in his hair their lips clashing together.

They were in such sync with everything else, why not this too. They’d fit together just perfect. And fuck Rick would be hard too, Daryl almost moaned rocking his hips forward into the couch.

Daryl pressed the heels of his hands hard into his eyes. He needed to get a hold of himself.

 _Yeah ya do, get a nice good hold,_ a sneering voice in his mind whispered.

He turned to the other side pressing his sweaty face into the back of the couch. He’d never thought about Rick like this before. Shit, the man was his brother in all but blood, he couldn’t think about him like that.

But if he was being honest with himself he knew his feelings for Rick were far from brotherly and he knew Rick felt the same. He’d admitted it himself the other day.

 _Don’t mean he wants ta fuck ya,_ the voice sneered again.  _  
_

Daryl ground his teeth trying not to think about it. Maybe he could go take a cold shower and just forget this ever happened.

Problem was the shower was all the way upstairs. He could barely move without moaning let alone make it up all those steps. Besides Rick might hear and decide to check on him and then what was he supposed to do?

"Shit," Daryl hissed, thinking of all the many things he could do with Rick. Especially a sopping wet Rick. Dammit. 

He pushed the heel of his palm into his groin, hard, hoping to chase away the ache between his legs. It only seemed to make things worse and he ended up palming himself through his jeans.

He panted open mouthed into the couch cushions. Fuck, if he closed his eyes Daryl could almost see Rick standing there looking down at him. Those steely eyes glinting in the dark as he just watched Daryl touch himself. Maybe he'd reach out and just slide his fingers through his hair, just like he had before. Like he was something so very precious. Like he was something worth being gentle with.

Or maybe it would be rough. His hand would tighten in his hair and snap his head back, pulling him right where Rick wanted him. He could almost feel his scalp prickle at the thought.

Suddenly he felt so very close to the edge, that warm feeling starting to coil between his legs. He rolled his hips into the couch once more and tangled his hands in his hair and _pulled_ and that was all he needed to come in his jeans.

He sagged into the couch looking down at his sticky groin.

Feeling slightly ridiculous he pulled off the wet jeans and scrubbed them in the kitchen sink, never being more thankful for running water.

He pulled on a dry pair of pants and collapsed back on the couch suddenly exhausted. Deciding he could panic about all of this in the morning Daryl let himself drift into sleep, trying not to think about the man who was sleeping just one floor away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That bit of hair kink at the end just kinda slipped in there because honestly Daryl has some fabulous hair. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed and please feel free to comment/critique. It always makes my day.


	9. The World Has Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy this chapter. Hope to have the next one up soon. Let me know what you think :)

The next morning Daryl woke up and lay there on the couch, staring up at ceiling trying not to panic. He felt like an idiot, he should have known that his feelings for Rick were far more than friendship or even brotherhood. But until now he’d never even allowed himself to look at other men.

Every time he’d had a passing thought about another man’s broad shoulders or their thick hair he’d squash it before it could become anything more. It was easy enough especially with Merle’s quick insults. They always seemed to come right when he was at his weakest as if his older brother knew and was steering him away from those thoughts.

But his brother had never known. If he had Daryl had no doubt Merle would've tried to beat some sense into him. Merle had made it all too clear what he thought of ‘those pansy ass faggots’ and Daryl wasn’t stupid enough to think that just because he was his brother that Merle would understand. So he buried those feelings, pretended they weren't there until he forgot he'd even had them in the first place.

He’d let Merle throw girls at him because it was easier to fake his way through some drunken fumblings than to hear him bitch about his ‘prude baby brother’. And that’s all he’d ever managed, drunken fumblings with random junkies Merle had somehow convinced to come home with him. Half the time Daryl couldn’t even remember what the girl had looked like the next day, never mind how far he’d actually gotten with them.

He was sure he’d never had actual sex with any of them. Merle had always made fun of him for that.

_Still a cherry Darylena?_ He’d always taunt after. And Daryl tried, he really did but he never could bring himself to do that, no matter how many beers he chugged.

He remembers sneaking into his brother’s room and pulling out his hidden stash of Playboys. He'd sit there starring at those glossy pages for hours hoping to feel something – anything. But he never did. He only ever felt like that those few times he'd sneak glances in the locker room.

With Rick it had been easy to translate those thoughts into respect and admiration. So what if he looked at Rick too much? If his eyes raked his body every chance he got? He was checking to make sure the other man hadn’t gotten too thin, that he hadn’t been hiding any injuries. It was easy to tell himself that.

And if he’d had strange dreams as he lay on his prison cot at night he wrote that off as exhaustion and tried his best to ignore them.

But the prison was a long time ago and last night hadn’t been a dream that he could just ignore. Not when the mere thought of it was making him hard again.

Daryl closed his eyes. He didn’t dare touch himself now, not with the light streaming through the curtains but if he went upstairs and had a nice long shower maybe he could -

“You awake Daryl?” he shot upright to see the man who’d he’d just been thinking about making his way down the steps. He was wearing a white tee-shirt and a pair of jeans with bare feet, his curly hair was tousled from sleep and his freshly shaven face relaxed into any easy smile. Daryl swallowed. He looked - nice. Like he always had in his dreams.

“Yeah,” he said gruffly, unable to look Rick in the eyes. What if he knew? What if somehow he could look at him and just know all the thoughts running through his head?

“You want some coffee?” Rick asked walking into the kitchen. Thankfully he didn’t seem like he could tell that all Daryl could think about right then were those hands running through his hair.

“Sure,” Daryl all but choked out, getting up and following Rick into the kitchen.

“Sleep OK?” Rick asked, not looking at Daryl as he measured out the coffee into the pot.

Daryl hummed trying not to think about last night, “Where’s the others?”

“Michonne left early this morning to go on patrol and Carol went to go check on Glenn. You didn’t hear them?”

He hadn’t. Normally the smallest sound woke him but he must have been so tired that he'd slept through both of them leaving. The thought made him uncomfortable. The whole reason he slept on the couch was to make sure no one got in the house that wasn't supposed to but if he'd slept through two people leaving -

“You don’t have to sleep on the couch you know.” Rick said after he put the coffee pot on.

“’s fine,” Daryl shrugged, picking at his nails, “rather Michonne have the bed.”

“We’re safe here, as safe as anyone can be in this world. You don’t have to protect everyone.”

"Makes me sleep better, knowin' I'm between the door and everyone else. Old habits I guess."

Rick didn't say anything for a moment he just looked at Daryl. His eyes felt like they were piercing his skin, like he could see into the very core of him. It made Daryl shiver.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Rick said finally and Daryl’s eyes snapped up to stare at Rick.

“Fer what?” Daryl asked confused.

“I shouldn’t have – touched you like that. I could tell it made you uncomfortable.” Rick said awkwardly.

“’s fine,” Daryl said looking down at smooth marble counter tops. He didn’t know how to tell Rick that the only reason he’d been uncomfortable is because he’d liked it a little too much.

“No it’s not. It’s just, for the first time I really had time to think about everything that happened. I listened to everything Morgan had to tell Deanna. I know how he found you.”

“I’m OK,” Daryl smiled thinly, “promised I’d come back didn’t I?”

“But what if next time you don’t? I can’t – I don’t think I can do this without you.” Rick's voice was thick and it made Daryl look away gnawing on his thumbnail. 

“Rick I – “ He started before hearing the sound of someone coming down the stairs.

“Morning Dad, morning Daryl,” Carl yawned coming into the kitchen.

“Mornin’,” Daryl muttered, relieved to have been interrupted. What was he even supposed to say to Rick?  _I jacked off last night thinking about you touching my hair?_ Yeah, right.

“Morning Carl,” Rick tousled the boy’s already ruffled hair as he walked by, “you hear anything from your sister yet?”

“Think she’s still asleep.” Carl rubbed his eyes, grabbing an apple from the bowl on the counter.

“At least someone around here gets to sleep in.” Rick joked and suddenly Daryl was struck with how domestic this all was.

As he watched Rick banter with Carl he couldn’t help but wonder if this is what it had been like, before everything. Carl waking up to go to school, Rick chugging down a cup of coffee before work. It was easy to forget this wasn’t that world anymore, at least it would be easy if he hadn't been out there beyond the walls. If he'd been here all this time - well Daryl suddenly understood how the Alexandrians could have been so blinded. He was almost blinded himself with wanting something he'd never even had.

Just as the coffee pot gurgled the front door opened and Carol rushed into the room.

“Glenn and Tara – they’re both awake.”

-

Daryl followed Rick and Carol into the infirmary. He hesitated at the side of the room taking everything in. All of his people were crowded into the room. Maggie was seated on the edge of Glenn’s bed, Rosita on the edge of Tara’s, the rest circled around. They were all eyeing the two with a mixture of hope and concern.

Glenn and Tara were both propped up on pillows awake but obviously still exhausted.

“How do ya feel?" Rick asked standing at the end of their beds.

"Like I've been shot," Glenn grimaced as he shifted.

“Yeah, I’ve felt better myself,” Tara smiled wanly.

“Glenn, we all need to know what happened.” Rick said.

“Nicholas,” Glenn sat up straighter, his eyes going wide, “is he still alive?” Maggie hushed him, gently pushing him back down onto the pillows.

“For now,” Rick said, “we need to decide what to do with him and that’s all going to depend on you.”

“He may have tried to kill me. But we don't have to kill him." Glenn said hurriedly, "Things are different now. Maybe we had to kill people out on the road, I get that. But now we have choices that we didn't before."

“Tried ta kill ya.” Daryl said gruffly.

"Yeah, but he's not all bad." Glenn replied firmly, "They're scared, all of them. I remember how scared we were, back in the beginning. This is like the beginning for them. We can't treat them like all the other people out on the road because they're not like them. They're like we were before all this started."

"Doesn't mean they're not dangerous." Rick said.

"But they're -"

“We don't need to talk about this now do we?" Maggie asked, squeezing Glenn's hand. He'd gone even paler, sweat beading on his forehead. "I think both of them need to rest."

"No," Rick rocked back on his heels holding his hands up, "no, you're right this can wait."

“Now if you guys don’t mind, I think I’m about to pass out again,” Tara said.

“Get some rest,” Rick said squeezing her shoulder and patting Glenn’s hand.

Maggie stood after kissing Glenn and walked out, the others following her. Carol was the last to leave. As she passed she eyed Daryl questioningly. He waved her on as he moved to sit next to Glenn.

“Hey man,” Glenn smiled softly, “heard you had quite an adventure yourself.”

Daryl looked over at Tara. She’d already drifted back off to sleep, her eyes closed and her breathing even.

"Yeah, made it back in better shape then you though."

Glenn gave out a laugh that sounded more like a cough. "Guess you did. Sorry I didn't stop things from getting to interesting while you were away."

Daryl shook his head, "Ain't yer fault. 's mine. Shoulda known things were gonna blow up. Shoulda been here."

"It's not your fault either Daryl. None of this is."

There was a clock ticking somewhere and it filled the silence for a moment. Daryl couldn't help but feel like everything was his fault, all because he couldn't face what was right in front of him this whole time.

"Why didn't you kill him?" Daryl asked finally.

"I wanted to." Glenn admitted softly, "I almost did. But when I looked into his eyes I saw us. I had to give him a chance, I had to try. This world doesn't give many second chances but sometimes we have to. If not for him than for his kid." And Daryl remembered the boy standing beside Nicholas, he was around Carl's age.

"Don't change what he's done."

"No it doesn't. But when do we stop Daryl? I know sometimes we have to kill people, we have to protect ourselves. I won’t hesitate to do that. Hell if the governor somehow came back I’d want to be the one to kill him again myself. But Nicholas, these people, they’re not like that. They can learn, just like we did, how this world is now.”

“What if they can’t?”

“Then they’ll die,” Glenn said, “but we need to at least try to save them. We can’t kill everyone. One day there’ll be no one left.”

Daryl sat there looking at Glenn and he remembered his own conversation with Rick about Pete. He could all but hear his own words echoing from Glenn.

“Ya ever think about Shane?” Daryl asked suddenly. Glenn was one of the few people left that remembered him.

“Yeah, think about all of them actually, everyone we’ve lost. I don’t want to forget them, not even Shane. Why do you ask?"

“Just somethin’ Rick said the other night. Wanted ta know if I thought things woulda been better if Shane was the one to walk away from the field and not him.”

“Do you?” Glenn asked curiously.

“Hell nah,” Daryl shook his head, “Shane was the kinda crazy that you can smell from a mile away. Rick might not have always been the sanest person in the room but he's always been the best.”

“Rick seems better now.” Glenn said finally, “He seems more stable.”

“Hope so.”

“I’m glad you’re here Daryl,” Glenn reached out to squeeze his forearm, “we need you more than you know.”

Daryl watched Glenn drift off to sleep before saying, “Glad you’re here too.”

-

Daryl hesitated outside Aaron and Eric’s house. He’d meant to go home after making sure Glenn and Tara were alright but now here he was pacing on their front porch like an idiot.

_I saw the way he looked at you._ What the hell did that mean anyway? 

Daryl groaned. What the hell was he doing here? He wasn't even sure he wanted to know what Aaron had meant.

Deciding it was better to just leave well enough alone Daryl turned to walk away. He'd made it to the edge of the porch just as the door opened to reveal Aaron standing there.

“You wanna come in?” Aaron asked.

Daryl hesitated, debating whether or not to just keep walking, before nodding finally.

“Eric’s in bed,” Aaron shifted awkwardly as they lingered in the doorway, “We already ate but I have some leftovers, if you’re hungry?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Daryl grunted following Aaron into the kitchen.

He pulled some things out of the fridge and made a plate for Daryl. 

“Feel like this is all we've been eating," Aaron nodded at the pasta as he handed the plate to Daryl, "gets kind of boring after a while."

“I've been eatin' squirrel, pasta looks pretty damn good right about now."

They sat down at the table and Daryl dug into the food. It was quiet, the only sound was his fork scraping across the plate. He didn't even know why he'd come here.

“You seem like you have something on your mind.” Aaron said tentatively, “Is this about what I said?”

Daryl dropped his fork, feeling his heart plummet, suddenly not hungry.

“I never – I mean I ain’t – “ Daryl chocked out. He felt like the room was spinning around him.

“It’s OK.” Aaron said softly, “We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to.”

"What did you mean - when you said you saw how he - how Rick looked at me?" Daryl asked finally, eyes fixed on the plate in front of him. Aaron hesitated.

"When I first saw you on the road I thought you were - well I thought you were together. The way you looked at each other – it’s hard to describe. But it’s like he was relieved every time he saw you. Like he couldn’t believe you were still there. I could see you were all desperate, especially him, but every time he looked at you his eyes softened and he suddenly didn’t look so tired anymore. It was like every time he looked at you he said to himself ‘ _at least I still have him_ ’ and it made him stronger."

“I doubt that,” Daryl scoffed.

“Have you ever been with a man before?” Aaron asked carefully.

“I ain’t a – “ A what  - a faggot? That’s what he was though wasn’t he?

“It’s ok,” Aaron said, “I’m the last person to judge you. I only ask because I know how confusing it can be, realizing for the first time that you’re different.”

“Do ya think the others – do ya think they know?” Daryl asked biting his nails.

“Know about your feelings for Rick?” Aaron asked, causing Daryl to flinch hearing those words spoken out loud, “Honestly, I have no idea. But do you really think it matters? They’re not going to think any differently of you. Not you’re people. Mine - ” Aaron trailed off shrugging.

“People always look at ya different.” Daryl said sharply.

“Maybe," Aaron shrugged, picking up Daryl’s plate and scraping the leftovers back into the container, "Maybe they will look at you differently. But they’re your family, you told me that. Family doesn’t turn their backs on each other.”

“Yeah they do.” Daryl said bitterly. All his life his family had turned his back on him. If they had ever known about this - his dad had beaten him for a lot less. Merle had always said that Dixons, they didn't turn their backs on their kin but that was probably the only thing they were really good at. 

“I get the sense that maybe your family, before all this, they weren’t the most understanding group of people.”

“What gave ya that idea?” Daryl snorted.

“I know what it’s like to have your family turn their back on you, to not understand. My parents were Catholic,” Aaron smiled wryly, “they didn’t like it too much the first time I brought my boyfriend home to meet them. It made it hard to trust anyone for a while. But then I found Eric and he’s my family now, my real family. Sometimes you get stuck with shitty relatives and there's nothing you can do about that. But the family you choose, they're the ones that really matter.”

"Trust me," Daryl said poking his plate with his fork, "no one in their right mind'd pick me."

"But they did." Aaron said firmly, "Maybe it didn't start out that way but now they all trust you, Rick trusts you and I know that means something. He doesn't trust easily, none of you do. But when you on the road and you said there was a safe place, they followed you no questions asked. That has to tell you something."

He looked up at Aaron. Daryl knew deep down that none of his people would care. They all knew stuff like that, it didn't matter anymore. Him being - gay wouldn't change how they saw him. But him wanting Rick, that might.

"You don't have to be afraid anymore." Aaron continued softly, "Not about this."

"But what if Rick -" Daryl stopped.

"What if he doesn't feel the same?" Aaron shook his head, "I've seen the way he looks at you Daryl. He may not know it yet but he feels the same way."

"Thanks fer this," Daryl flushed, getting up.

"Of course," Aaron followed him to the door.

It was dark out and quiet when Daryl walked back out onto the porch.

"See ya," Daryl nodded to Aaron as he started to walk away.

"Daryl," he turned to see Aaron still standing in the doorway, "the world's a different place now. We can be different people than we once were. You've changed. So can Rick." 


	10. A Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another slow update. As things start to pick up the pace I'm really trying to make sure everything is the way I want it to be, which means a lot of writing and re-writing. I'd rather take a little extra time to make sure the chapter is at it's best than to rush through just to update. I hope you all understand :)
> 
> Also, despite trying my best to just focus on one story at a time, an idea for another Rickyl fic just won't leave me alone. I took a little time to start on that but I promise this fic is my first priority. 
> 
> Sorry that this is a shorter chapter, I wanted to just get to the action without a lot of extra stuff in the way. I promise next chapter will be a little longer. Enjoy!

The next morning Daryl walked out onto the front porch to find the skies grey and ominous. It smelled like rain whenever the slight breeze picked up, the trees swaying in the wind. A storm was coming and it wasn't just the rain.

Daryl snorted. It was kind of cliche but it was no less true. There was a storm coming.This thing with Nicholas was going to come to a head and he had no doubt that those people out there - they'd cross paths again and soon. It was just a matter of time. There was always something just over the horizon, some new problem to be faced. It just depended on how long it would take to get to them.

Daryl leaned up against the porch railing. He contemplated having a morning smoke to calm his nerves before he opened up the pack to find one slightly bent cigarette left. He sighed, it’d be a while before he could go out to try and find more so he decided to save it.

Shit, he thought stuffing the pack back in his pocket, he really could’ve used the smoke too.

His talk with Aaron last night had set him on edge. All those things he’d said about Rick, Daryl had a hard time believing them. Rick was his friend sure, but anything more than that? Aaron was crazy if he thought Rick, ex-cop, widower with two children Rick, looked at him like that.

But then again, Aaron had read him like an open book so maybe he wasn’t that far off with Rick either.

No, Daryl shook his head, if Rick had any feelings for him he’d know by now. Wouldn’t he?

Maybe lately he'd had a hard time reading Rick but before, he'd known Rick's every thought. Rick thought of him as a trusted friend, as family, but nothing more. 

He shook his head again. There was no use trying to think about this now. Whatever Rick felt or didn’t feel, there was nothing Daryl could do to change it so there was no point in worrying about it.

Trying to get his mind off things, he decided to go and check on Buttons. Though he knew there was no where for him to go it made him nervous to have gone so long without seeing the horse. Still, he wasn't going to try to find him if he didn't want to be found and ruin whatever trust he had built with the horse.

He went to the makeshift stall and sure enough Buttons was nowhere in sight. He went around to the side to check the water and the grain bucket beside it. The water was still mostly full but the bucket was almost empty of grain. Daryl took that as a good sign. At least Buttons was eating.

Although he guessed it could just be one of the dogs he'd seen roaming around. Or maybe it was a raccoon or some birds. Either way someone was eating it and the grain wasn't going to stay good forever so he went to fill up the bucket again.

The air was moist and warm as it always gets before a storm. He looked up, it wouldn't be long now.

“Hey,” Daryl turned to find Rick walking towards him, “what’re you doing?”

“Fixin’ some food fer Buttons.” Daryl said scooping out some grain into the bucket with his hands.

“I'm sorry we got interrupted yesterday," Rick said hesitantly, "I wanted to find you to continue that talk.”

“Don’t see no need,” Daryl shrugged avoiding Rick’s gaze as he walked back out to set the bucket of feed back outside.

“I do,” Rick said following him, “Daryl look, I feel like I somehow screwed things up again between us and I’m sorry.”

“Ya didn’t,” Daryl grunted finally looking up at Rick, “’s just I’ve had a lot on my mind. We’re good.”

“Are we?” Rick rubbed the back of his neck, “I know I already said it but I’m sorry - for touchin’ you. I know you don’t like that much.”

“Don’t mind it as much if it’s you.” Daryl muttered before realizing what he’d said and flushing.

“Daryl I –“ Then all of a sudden the skies that had been ominous and threatening all day opened up. The rain that poured down felt warm on his skin and as he stared at Rick he felt like something was about to give.

Rick turned and ran into the garage and Daryl followed quickly behind him. The sound of the rain on the roof, the wet sound of their soaked clothes, and their breathing were the only things he could hear. 

Rick shook his hair, droplets of water spraying everywhere.

“Jesus,” Rick swore looking down at his wet clothes, “we’re soaked.” And Rick pulled his shirt over his head. The wet fabric clung to his skin as he pulled it off. Daryl gulped.

Wringing the shirt out Rick looked over at him.

“Shit, you’re soaked too,” Rick swore, laughing, “take off your shirt. Don't want to catch a cold do you?”

And before Daryl could even think about it he was pulling the wet shirt over his head.

He turned to wring out his shirt without thinking but froze when he heard Rick’s sharp inhale of breath.

Rick’s seen his scars before, Daryl knows he has. But not like this. His eyes skimming over Daryl’s barred back made his skin feel too tight and though he wanted nothing more than to put his shirt back on and hide, or at least just turn around, Daryl stood there letting Rick look.

He remembered every scar, the flash of pain from every single one. He tried not to look at them himself but he knew what he looked like. He'd had more than a few people catch glimpses of his back. He'd seen their horrified looks. Their pity. Their disgust.

Even his own brother had looked at him, shame written across his face. So Daryl didn't dare turn to see what expression was on Rick's.

The light brush of a finger on his back jolted Daryl forward.

“Sorry,” Rick breathed and Daryl wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for, the touch or his scars.

Either way no apology could change it, what's done is done, and Daryl shivered suddenly feeling very exposed. Anyone could walk up and find them here and Rick seeing his scars was bad enough but if anyone else saw them…

Daryl pulled his shirt back over his head quickly. He felt stupid. Why had he just blindly listened to Rick?

_Because it’s Rick._

Because he would do anything Rick asked of him and even what he couldn’t ask. He’d follow him wherever he went, back him up, or talk him down, he’d bleed for him, he’d die for him. When he felt like lying down and just never getting up he’d live for him too. He’d do anything Rick needed. Anything he wanted.

Rick was his everything. He just - didn't know how to say it.

Suddenly Rick crowded into Daryl’s space, cupping his face with his hands. Daryl froze, trying to read Rick’s face through the darkness. He couldn't see pity or disgust. What he did see made no sense at all.

“Whenever I’m around you," Rick whispered so softly Daryl had to strain to hear him, "it’s like all the noise in my head quiets. I feel like everything out there is so far away.”

Daryl couldn’t breathe.

“Please tell me I’m not reading this wrong,” Rick murmured his eyes searching Daryl's face.

Then Rick leaned in, so very slowly, and his lips brushed Daryl’s. It was just the lightest touch but it made Daryl’s blood sing more than anything else ever had.

Both of their lips were chapped, rough from too long outside, but it just made them more sensitive. As Rick moved closer his hands moved slowly across Daryl’s face up into his hair.

It was just like before, his hands were so gentle. Carding through his wet hair like he was something so very precious. 

Daryl let out a soft moan, just barely parting his lips but Rick’s tongue was there in a second dipping into his mouth. Their tongues tangled together and Daryl moaned again into Rick's mouth. He felt so warm, like he was drunk, every time Rick pulled back only to surge in again his lips more insistent.

He could feel everywhere their bodies were touching, their wet clothes clinging to each other. Rick was still shirtless, the tee-shirt discarded on the floor, and his skin was scalding. Daryl hesitantly smoothed his hands up Rick's back feeling the muscles that he'd only ever allowed himself glimpses of before. They were so very close now.

Then Daryl felt Rick hand creeping up the back of his shirt and he jerked away, panting. He felt cold all of a sudden and the scars on his back hurt like they'd all reopened at once.

“I’m sorry – I didn’t mean – I’m sorry,” Rick reached out to him but Daryl turned away.

Daryl opened his mouth to explain, to tell Rick that this all was just happening so fast, that until yesterday he hadn’t even been able to accept that he liked men let alone that he liked Rick. He wanted to explain that even though he was scared shitless right now he was also the happiest he'd ever been. That he could hardly believe that Rick could feel the same way he did.

He wanted to tell Rick that he'd never let anyone look at his scars let alone touch them. That any time someone did he felt the same pain, the same disgust and shame he'd felt the day he'd gotten them. That even though the wounds had closed up they'd never really healed.

He meant to say all that but all he was able to croak out was, “I can’t,” and Rick pulled away like he’d been burned, quickly bending down to retrieve his shirt and pulling it back on.

“Oh God, Daryl - I'm so sorry - I thought," Rick looked horrified backing away his eyes wide.

Daryl reached out to grab Rick's arm, "No," Daryl said firmly, hoping he wasn't too late to salvage this, "that's not what I meant. I want - this, I do. It's just - I don't know how."

"It's alright," Rick's face softened, "I don't know how either." And then Rick surged forward and for a split second Daryl thought he was going to kiss him again. But Rick just pulled him into a hug.

"We can figure it out though. Together," Rick breathed and Daryl nodded against Rick's neck.

Rick pulled back his eyes searching Daryl's face before giving his shoulder one last squeeze. "We'll be alright." Rick nodded to him and then turned and walked back out into the rain.

Daryl slumped against the wall of the garage trying to let the sound of the rain calm his racing heart. He wanted to go after Rick but he didn't know what to say. So with shaking hands he pulled out the crumpled pack of cigarettes and took the last one out to light up.

But the nicotine did nothing for his nerves. He could still feel Rick’s lips on his own, his tongue in his mouth. Every time he pressed the cigarette to his lips he thought about the way he'd felt when Rick had first touched them. Like the whole world had melted away for just the briefest second. Like the past, the future, none of it mattered just that one moment.

But now - Daryl didn’t know what to feel.


	11. Slowly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uggg, sooo sorry once again for taking this long to update. As this story is starting to come it's climax (sorry for the stupid pun) I really want to make sure the flow of everything is right. So I've been taking a lot of time to think about how I want the rest of this story to progress and writing some bits and pieces of later chapters.
> 
> As of right now I think that I have about 2-3 chapters left after this one. I don't want to drag this out too much longer especially since you all have been so patient with me. As parts of these chapters are already written I hope to have them posted sooner rather than later.
> 
> Thanks again for reading and hope you enjoy!

Daryl half walked half ran to Aaron’s house trying not to totally panic. The rain had slowed to just a drizzle but he was still soaked again by the time he made it to Aaron’s front porch.

He knocked on the door and then he started pacing. He needed to talk this out with somebody else and Aaron had been a good listener so far. Besides the man gave surprisingly good advice.

But Aaron wasn’t the one who opened the door, it was Eric. He looked out at Daryl warily.

“Everything ok Daryl?” He asked carefully. And Daryl knew he looked like a crazy person pacing like this but he felt like he was vibrating apart.

“Is – uh – is Aaron home?”

“Yeah he’s in the garage,” Eric stepped aside to let Daryl into the house.

“Thanks,” Daryl said gruffly as he hurried past Eric, trying to avoid his curious gaze.

He found Aaron in the garage sorting through some of the leftover parts he’d gathered for the motorcycle. At the sound of the door Aaron looked up.

“Daryl, I found –“

“He kissed me.” Daryl blurted out. They both stood there for a moment, just staring at each other, and then Aaron started laughing.

“What’re ya laughin’ for?” Daryl grumbled darkly.

“Sorry,” Aaron said, trying to smother his laughter, “it’s just –“

“If you say I told you so I swear to God –“

“I won’t, I won’t,” Aaron held up his hands still snickering, “but I did. I knew it.”

Daryl punched Aaron in the shoulder trying not to smile himself. “Whatever.”

“How was it?” Aaron asked sobering a bit, “Tell me everything.”

“It was – “ Daryl didn’t know how to describe it. All the words that came to his mind didn’t seem quite enough. “It was good.”

“Good,” Aaron scoffed, “I highly doubt it was just _good_.”

“Alright fine it was,” Daryl groaned pulling at his hair, “good, un-fuckin’-believably good. It was amazing, it was mind blowin’, life changingly good. And then I panicked like a fuckin’ pussy. Almost ruined everything.”

Daryl plopped down on the stairs putting his head in his hands.

“But you didn’t.” Aaron sat down next to him.

“No, I stopped him before he walked away. He thought I hadn't wanted it. So I told him that I wanted it, wanted him but that I just don’t know how ta do this sorta thing. Told me we’d figure it out.”

“And you will. I know for a while your whole world was moving pretty fast. Out there you can’t be sure you’re going to have time. But in here you have all the time you need. If Rick respects you, which I know he does, he’ll give you all the time you need to figure this out. There’s no need to rush.”

“Yeah,” Daryl was suddenly glad he’d come to talk to Aaron. He’d needed to talk to someone but he wasn’t ready for the others to know. Especially since he wasn’t sure if Rick wanted things to be out in the open or not.

“Look I’d like to think of us as friends so if you ever need anything don’t be afraid to come to me. Whether it’s advice or maybe even some lube. Trust me I have plenty of both.”

Daryl choked, flushing as Aaron started to laugh again.

“Jackass,” he muttered.

“Hey I’m not blind and you’re not either. You’re going to need some of that sooner or later.”

Daryl shook his head. It was strange but he didn’t mind the gentle teasing from Aaron. He felt like he could trust him and even maybe call him a friend. Besides it was so much like the banter he missed having with Carol. She’d been too distant lately for him to feel like he could go to her with any of this.

“Should get goin’,” Daryl finally grunted, standing.

Aaron led him through the house back to the front door.

"Will you look at that," Aaron breathed stopping just outside the opened door. Daryl followed him out onto the porch and was shocked to find Buttons walking carefully down the main road past the house.

The horse stopped at the sight of them, his ears flicked forward, and his nostrils flared taking them in. He looked calmer, not eyeing them warily, just watching them and Daryl felt like maybe now was the moment he’d been waiting for.

“Hey there,” he crooned, motioning for Aaron to stay where he was as he carefully continued down the steps, “hey there big guy. Where ya been, huh? Needed some time ta yerself?”

Buttons snorted but stood there, looking at Daryl more curious than scared so he kept walking towards him.

Daryl stopped in front of the horse. This was as close as he’d ever gotten and he could feel Buttons breath on his arm just like that night in the field. Hesitantly he reached out and held his hand under Buttons’ nose for him to sniff.

The horse snuffled, taking in Daryl’s scent. Daryl could feel the tickle of the horses whiskers on him palm but he stayed perfectly still not wanting to ruin the moment.

After letting Buttons sniff at his hand for a moment Daryl moved his hand just slightly so that he was touching the horse’s nose.

“That’s it,” he murmured, rubbing the velvet nose with his thumb, “see that ain’t so bad. Ain’t gonna hurt ya.”

Buttons gave a sigh and butted Daryl’s hand a bit. Taking this as a sign of acceptance, Daryl reached out to run his hand down the horse’s neck.

They stood like that for a moment, Daryl just slowly stroking Buttons before the horse pulled away. Buttons looked at Daryl one last time before walking off towards the apple trees, tail swishing.

"He trusts you," Aaron said, coming up to stand next to Daryl watching the horse disappear.

"Yeah."

"Trust yourself too. You knew when to take the next step with Buttons and you'll know when to take the next step with Rick. But for right now just take everything slow. You'll know when the time's right." 

-

For the next two days it felt like there were suddenly a million and one things to do. Daryl had barely seen Rick at all. The other man had been busy with Deanna, working on some new defenses. He'd be with the older woman from early morning until well after dark, holed up in her house, pouring over Reg's plans for the walls.

He caught glimpses of the other man throughout the day and he always made sure that everyone was in the house for the night before he went to bed, but there never seemed to be a good time to talk about what had happened between them.

It didn’t mean Daryl wasn’t still thinking about it though. He thought about it all the damn time. And the intense looks Rick would shoot him whenever they did see each other weren’t helping things. All he could think about were Rick’s lips against his own and how much he wanted that again and soon. It was making it hard to concentrate on anything else.

When he could focus he’d been spending a lot of time with Aaron fixing up the garage for Buttons. The storm hadn’t been too bad the other day, but it was enough for them to want to have the stall ready just in case they could somehow coax Buttons out of the rain.

The horse hung around more, curiously watching what they were doing. Daryl had even managed to feed him an apple out of his hand before Aaron had accidentally knocked over a bucket and spooked the horse.

Buttons didn’t seem to mind Aaron but he definitely preferred Daryl. The horse would stand still now and let Daryl pet him for a few minutes before walking off again but he wouldn’t go far. The horse seemed to prefer to be around Daryl now and more often than not he'd be grazing within eyesight.

But that afternoon Buttons had decided to wander off while while Daryl and Aaron finished up for the day. They'd been making a racket, hammering some warped boards back into place and the horse still hadn't gotten over his fear of loud noises.

It had been a long day and Aaron had gone home about fifteen minutes ago so after nailing down the last board Daryl sat cross legged in the garage and decided to clean his crossbow. It wasn’t getting much use lately but it was more about the routine of it than the necessity. It calmed him, the familiarity of it. He knew every inch of his crossbow, the weight of it, every nick, every scratch. He could load it with his eyes closed.

Even though he could probably clean it half asleep, he paid attention to every detail. He let his world narrow down to just him and his bow for just a moment. He blocked out everything else, including all his thoughts about Rick.

Merle had taught him everything he knew about a bow. How to fire it, take it apart, clean it. He could still hear his brother's voice in his head, barking out instructions every time he fired it or sat down to clean it and it made him feel like things hadn't changed.

“Daryl,” Daryl looked up from his crossbow to see Rick coming towards him. So much for putting Rick out of his mind.

“Rick,” Daryl looked back down at the crossbow. He hadn't been alone with him since they kissed and just the thought of that made his face warm.

“Saw Aaron walking home and figured you might be here.” Daryl hummed in response, feeling Rick’s gaze on him.

“Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Things’ve been busy.” Daryl said shrugging as Rick sat down next to him, "You workin' things out with Deanna?"

"She’s agreed to let us put someone on watch in the tower,” Rick said fiddling with the straw on the ground.

“Good, maybe we’ll stop feelin’ so goddamn blind in here.”

“Yeah, I hope so,” Rick sighed, running a hand though his curls, “Glenn’s doing better. He talked to Deanna yesterday.”

“And?” Daryl eyed Rick from under his bangs.

“He doesn’t want us to kill Nicholas.”

“You think we should.” Daryl put down his crossbow to face Rick.

“Don’t you?” Rick sighed, “Everything has gotten so damn complicated all of a sudden. I sometimes wish we were still out on the road. Things were simple.”

“Some things still are,” Daryl said and Rick just looked at him for a moment before leaning in to kiss him.

It was just as intense as the first time only now it was less hesitant. He knew what to expect, the jolt of pleasure when Rick's tongue came out to trace the seam of his lips, the way his heart sped up when Rick buried his fingers in his hair. Daryl opened his mouth easier, seeking out Rick’s tongue with his own. He felt like he was melting under the heat of the kiss, his entire body becoming soft and pliant like warm metal glowing cherry red.

They pulled away gasping. Daryl was hard and he had a distinct feeling he wasn’t the only one.

“What do ya want from me?” Daryl breathed, looking into Rick’s eyes. This close he could pick out every individual fleck of color in them, he could see the way his pupils had all but engulfed them leaving nothing but black lust.

“Whatever you’re willing to give.” Rick stroked Daryl’s hair, kissing him again sweetly, “even if it’s just this. I want you, in any way I can have you.”

“I want – I want it to be more than this,” Daryl confessed, “I just – I never –“

“I want that too,” Rick breathed into his mouth, “I want it more than I can tell you. But we don’t have to do that right now. We can wait.”

Daryl nodded before leaning in for another kiss. Rick responded eagerly and Daryl thought it might not be such a leap from kissing to – more.

But not right now. Even with the lust surging through his veins Daryl wasn’t quite ready to cross that bridge. Soon but not yet.

Rick pulled away looking at Daryl.

“I have to get back. I’m working on shifts for watch with Deanna.”

He looked hesitant to leave.

“It’s alright,” Daryl nodded, “go on. We got time for this later.”

“I hope so,” Rick smirked before leaning in to give Daryl one last long kiss.

“That’s enough of that,” Daryl chuckled, “I’ll see ya later.”

“Yeah.” Rick waved.

Daryl watched him go before slinging the half cleaned crossbow over his shoulder.

He hadn’t been by to see Glenn or Tara in a while and he wanted to here from Glenn himself about his talk with Deanna.

As he neared the infirmary he saw Maggie walking out.

“How’re they doin’?” he asked.

“Glenn’s better,” Maggie said, “he’s awake more, eating and drinking on his own. They took Tara back to the house earlier today. She’s still weak but I think laying in the same bed for that long is enough to make anyone a little stir crazy. She all but threatened to castrate Abraham if he didn't move her back to the house.”

"Don't blame her." Daryl chuckled.

"Yeah, I think Glenn's getting to that point."

"He's gon' be alright." Daryl said squeezing her shoulder briefly.

"I know." she smiled, "He'll be happy to see you."

Daryl nodded as she walked away.

"Hey," he called as he walked into the infirmary.

"Hey," Glenn was propped up in his bed. His face wasn't as deathly pale as it had been when Daryl had last seen him, his cheeks had a healthy flush to them.

"Yer lookin' better."

"Feel better."

"Talked to Rick today. Told me ya talked to Deanna."

"Yeah, he wasn't too happy about what I had to say." Glenn chuckled weakly.

"He's just confused. I am too. The fucker tried ta kill ya and yer gonna defend him? Just a little strange don't cha think?"

"Killing people on the road that's one thing. When it's in the heat of the moment that's self-defense. But now, it's just murder. And I don't want to be the reason we cross that line."

"He's dangerous."

"Not really," Glenn shook his head, "he's just scared and aren't we all? We tell him that he has to suck it up and follow our rules or pay the consequences. We lay it out for him and then we watch him and make sure it doesn't happen again. And if it does than Rick can do whatever he wants to do but not now."

"I don't like it."

"Honestly, I don't really like it either. Part of me feels like I should've killed him or at least just left him out there. But I couldn't do it. I think we've been forgetting the real threat out there. We shouldn't be turning on each other we should be fighting this thing together."

"Don't gotta tell me, ya gotta tell that ta Nicholas, ta the governor, ta Gareth. I'm with ya and I get what yer sayin' but I'm gonna keep an extra good eye on that bastard."

"That's what I was counting on." Glenn smiled. He was looking tired, eyes drooping a bit.

"I'll let ya get some sleep." Daryl turned to walk out of the infirmary.

"You know when Rick came to see me earlier he looked a little weird. Like he was really happy about something but didn't want to tell me. Any idea what that's all about?"

Daryl just smiled, "G'night Glenn."

-

After leaving Glenn, Daryl wanted to go back to the garage one more time just to check on Buttons. It was late by then and getting darker by the minute and he almost thought about just going home until he saw movement in the garage that definitely wasn't a horse.

As Daryl approached he could see the flare of a lighter and the cherry of a cigarette glowing in the shadow of the garage. He narrowed his eyes trying to see who it was through the darkness.

As he made it to the entrance to the garage Jessie looked up from her cigarette to see him. She gave a half smile.

“You want one?” She pulled another cigarette from the pack and held it out to him.

“Ya shouldn’t be smokin’ in here. Fire hazard an’ all.” Daryl gestured to the hay.

“Is that a no?” She asked not moving to put the cigarette back.

“No,” Daryl said finally as he took the cigarette and the offered lighter, “thanks.”

After a long drag and a rush of much needed nicotine Daryl looked at Jessie warily.

She seemed – quiet. Too quiet. Like any second the other shoe was going to drop.

“Sorry about that shit with yer husband,” Daryl said finally, exhaling a stream of smoke feeling like it was safer if he started this conversation.

“Rick did what had to be done.” She said quietly not looking at him.

“Know that,” Daryl replied, “ain’t sayin’ he wasn’t a bastard. Just sayin’ I’m sorry for you and for yer boys.”

“You don’t like me.” She said her lips quirking in a wry smile.

“Don’t like many people. It’s nothin’ personal.”

“But it is.” She shook her head. “I remember that day before all this happened, before you left and Pete died, when you were sitting on the porch. I offered to take care of Judith and I didn’t look at you but I didn't have to, I could feel your glare.”

Daryl flushed remembering that day too.

“Nothing could have ever happened between us, between Rick and me. No matter how this all happened with Pete, that was never an option.” She said after a long drag of her cigarette.

“But you wanted it to be.” And Daryl wasn’t sure why he was even still talking to her about this. Maybe it was some sort of masochistic curiosity that made him want to know.

“Maybe,” she shrugged, “in a different world. I knew Pete was no good for me and I know Rick is a good man. But I had to stay with Pete because I didn’t know how to do anything else. And I couldn’t be with Rick because when he looked at me it wasn’t really me he was seeing. I needed Rick in that moment because without him I never could've walked away from Pete. Rick needed me because he needed someone to save.”

“I know what ya went through. With Pete. I get it. I know it felt like you were drowning with no way out. But you didn’t need Rick to get away from Pete. Yer strong, anyone who can survive that for that long is strong. And you’ll survive the world without him even if it feels like part a you’s already dead.”

She looked at him and he could tell in her eyes that she knew he was speaking from experience. But she didn’t say anything and he respected her even more for that. She knew enough to know that he wanted some things left in the past.

She dropped the cigarette butt on the concrete, well away from the hay, and stubbed it out with the toe of her shoe before she turned to walk away. But she stopped hesitating and turned back to face him her eyes clearer than he'd seen them since Pete had died.

“I’m not looking for anything with Rick. I’m grateful for what he did but it changes things too. As much as I know Pete was no good for me, he was still my husband, he was still the father of my children, and you're right a part of me feels like it died with him. But that’s a part of me that I don’t need any more. Just like I don’t need another man in my life, no matter how good a man he is. I just wanted you to know that.”

Daryl didn't know what to say to that so he just stared at her wondering if she somehow knew.

"Night Daryl."

"G'night."

She wasn't Carol but he couldn't help but think the two women were similar in a way that extended beyond their abusive husbands. They were both so very strong and if Daryl had any doubts that Jessie would survive this he didn't now.

But she was similar to him too. Enough for him to know that just because you survive something doesn't mean you ever truly heal from it.


	12. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hopefully you all enjoy this chapter. I've been working very hard on finishing this story up and think I'm almost there. I'm thinking maybe one or two more chapters that will be a little longer and an epilogue. 
> 
> A couple of people have pointed out some typos in previous chapters and I can't thank them enough. I try to read these as carefully as possible but sometimes I still miss things. It really helps me to make this story the best it can be so feel free to let me know about any errors, no matter how small.

By the next day things were tense around Alexandria. The word about Glenn’s decision to keep Nicholas alive had spread quickly and it seemed like everyone had a different opinion. Many of the Alexandrians seemed relieved, and Maggie was just happy Glenn was getting better but the rest of the group, Rick and Carol especially, were all antsy.

Though Daryl shared their caution he still wasn't sure how to feel. He’d never liked the man and he was more than a little pissed about him trying to kill Glenn but he still wasn’t sure he wanted to deal with another execution. One was more than enough.

Nicholas had been keeping to his house, partly because Deanna had asked him to stay there and partly, Daryl was sure, because the man didn’t want to face anyone.

Daryl respected Glenn enough not to start anything but he needed to have a talk with Nicholas. Man to man.

He got up off the couch and went into the kitchen, grabbing an apple from the bowl in the middle of the counter.

“Morning,” he turned to see Rick enter the kitchen.

“Mornin’,” he replied around a bite of the apple.

Rick ran a hand through his hair as he walked by, snagging the apple from Daryl’s hand.

“Hey,” Daryl complained, “get yer own damn apple.”

But Rick just smiled and took a bite out of the apple in his hand.

“This one looks so good though.” He smirked, leaned in and just like that he’s kissing Daryl in the middle of the kitchen like they’ve done it a million times before.

Daryl jerked back flushing but wanting more.

“You taste like apple.” He finally managed.

“So do you.” Rick smiled again tossing the apple back to Daryl and turning away to start the coffee pot.

“Hey,” Daryl called out and as Rick turned he leans in for another kiss feeling bold.

When he finally pulled back Rick was grinning at him like an idiot, “Maybe we can skip breakfast this morning.” He murmured leaning in again.

“Good morning,” Daryl jerked back looking around wildly to see Carol enter the kitchen. She didn't look like she'd seen anything but he couldn’t help the blush spreading across his face.

She stopped in front of Daryl, “You ok? You look a little flushed.” She pressed a hand to his forehead.

If she did see something she had an amazing poker face, there was no hint of mischief in her eyes just concern.

“’m fine,” he grumbled, taking another bite of the apple, “gonna head out. See y’all later.”

“Alright.” She waved.

“See you.” Rick called after him and for just a moment Daryl wanted to lean in for one last kiss. But he squashed that thought and quickly leaves the house.

Munching on the apple he walked towards the clearing to see if he can find Buttons and soon enough the horse came into sight.

He lifted his head from grazing and pricked his ears at Daryl, nickering softly.

“Happy ta see me, are ya?” Daryl asked smiling, “Or do ya just want this?” He laughed holding up the apple core.

Buttons bobbed his head before walking over closer to Daryl. He’d fed the horse by hand before but every time he does it feels like an achievement.

“There ya go,” he said softly as Buttons carefully took the apple from his hand.

It still amazed him how far the horse had come in such a short amount of time. It seemed like just yesterday he was struggling to bring the horse in and now here they are Buttons literally eating out of his hand.

He would have rather stayed there with Buttons all day but he knew that the talk with Nicholas couldn’t wait so his gave Buttons one last scratch on the nose before making his way to Nicholas’ house.

He walked up to the house trying to reign in his anger and frustration. Kicking his ass wasn't going to help anything. Unfortunately.

After he knocked he waited and waited and waited. For a moment he was sure Nicholas wasn't going to come to the door, that he’d seen who was standing on his front porch and decided to show some self preservation skills for once and ignore him. But then the door opened and in the darkness of the house Daryl saw Nicholas standing there.

The man looked horrible. It looked like he hadn’t slept or showered since the night he’d shot Glenn. His eyes were sunken and his face pale. He looked nothing like the cocky man who'd threatened Glenn. He was just a ghost of that man now.

“You coming to threaten me?” Nicholas said tiredly, “If so don’t bother, Rick already made things pretty clear to me.”

Of course Rick had already laid things out for Nicholas, the man was hardly happy with Glenn's decision and had been pretty clear about that fact. Daryl knew that Rick could handle things if he needed to. That still didn't change what he needed to do.

“Yeah well got a few things I need ta say myself. You so much as look at Glenn the wrong way and I’ll put an arrow in your eye. You try anything, anything at all to hurt any a my people, an’ I’ll do a lot worse than that.”

“You think I don’t know I screwed up?”

“I don’t think ya realize how serious this is. Only reason yer still alive is cause Glenn said so.”

“Look I know you have no reason to believe me but I’m done causing trouble. After hearing what happened to Pete, I have no interest in becoming like him. I’ve got a kid.”

“One that ya completely forgot about before.” Daryl had seen Nicholas's kid. The boy was staying with Jessie for the moment. He didn't look much better than his dad.

“I’m not going to try to explain myself to you. No matter what I say you’re still not going to trust me. But I just want to live.”

“Ya shouldn’t,” Daryl growled, “if it were up ta me, woulda dropped ya the second you opened the door. But it ain’t up ta me. So I ain’t gonna bother ya after this. But I needed to make sure things were clear between us. That ya understand.”

“I do.”

“Good.” He nodded, turning away, feeling a little better. He'd keep an eye on Nicholas make sure he didn't put a toe out of line but after seeing him - Daryl highly doubted he'd be a threat anymore.

“Daryl,” he turned to see Nicholas standing in the open door looking very small, “why do you think Glenn let me live?”

“Because he thinks all life is precious,” Daryl replied, “even yours.”

-

Daryl spent the rest of the day wandering around helping out where he was needed. They were building up defenses, fortifying the walls against people not just walkers, setting up a watch tower. It made him breathe a little easier, knowing Sasha or Abraham was up there keeping an eye on everything. It made him feel like maybe they could make it.

Before dinner he helped move Glenn back to the house finally, under the watchful eye of Maggie. He was mending slowly but he was strong. He’d be back on his feet soon enough.

After Maggie had shooed all of them out Daryl had grabbed a quick bite to eat and went back to the infirmary, to check on their medical supplies.

They’d used up a lot while taking care of Tara and Glenn but it was still well stocked. Pete had done a good job Daryl thought grudgingly.

“We doing alright on supplies?” Daryl looked up to see Carol standing in the doorway.

“Yeah think so. Maybe some more gauze.” he put some of the unused gauze back in the cabinet.

He hadn’t seen much of Carol lately. At the prison he hardly went a day without seeing her but now, she was distant, different, and even more so since he’d refused the guns. It hurt in his chest to think that the woman he’d come to think of as his best friend could have drifted away so quickly.

“I missed you,” she said and he wondered if she could read what he was thinking on his face. She always was good at reading his emotions.

“Missed you too.”

“I know we didn’t agree on some things but – “

“Carol,” he started. He didn’t really have the energy to do this right now with her. He was still sore from the way she’d shut him out before and he wasn’t sure he was ready to let her back in.

“No let me finish,” Carol said quickly, “please. I know things between us have been - different. But I don’t want them to be.”

“Ever since we got here,” Daryl said looking down at his hands, “you’ve been different. Like yer playin’ some part.”

“I am,” she said nearing him, “I was able to become invisible again. I used that to my advantage.”

“I hate it,” Daryl spat out, “hate seeing you like that. Pretending yer like ya used ta be when yer not.”

“I know and I’m sorry.”

“We know each other.” Daryl said fixing her with a piercing gaze, “We understand each other in a way none a the others will. But you shut me out and now I’m not sure that we’re like that anymore. You’ve changed.”

“So have you,” she pointed out softly, “I saw you with Rick this morning.”

He flushed. She did have a good poker face.

“You didn’t say anything.” he finally managed.

“I don’t think I realized how broken things were between us until I saw you with him. Before you would’ve come to me, told me about this. But you didn’t.”

“Don’t know how much there is to tell to be honest.” Daryl shrugged, “Don’t know what it is between us.”

“Oh Pookie,” she sighed shaking her head, “he loves you and somewhere in that thick head of yours you know it.”

Daryl swallows. Love. It’s the first time he’d thought the word. Rick – loves him? Could he really? And more importantly could he love Rick?

“I’m happy for you,” she continued softly, breaking that train of thought, “for finally figuring it out.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on,” she smirks, “give me a little credit. I know you, remember. I’ve seen this coming for a long time.”

“And you couldn’t give me a heads up,” Daryl grumbled.

“Where’s the fun in that.” Carol laughs and Daryl feels like they’re back at the prison, teasing each other like nothing’s changed.

“I don’t blame you fer what happened.” Daryl said after a moment, “I don’t blame you fer doin’ what ya thought ya had too. Just wish ya could trusted me enough ta not shut me out.”

“I do trust you,” Carol said reaching out to touch Daryl’s cheek, “I’m sorry for ever making you feel like I don’t. Your right, I just did what I thought I had to do, damn the consequences. But things can get better now. You and Rick, that proves it.”

“When I’m with him I feel like I’m better, like I’ve taken my first full breath after a plunge into the water. Like my eyes have finally adjusted to this darkness enough to see there’s some light left.” Daryl admitted in a rush.

“You love him.” Carol said softly, confidently.

And maybe Daryl did love Rick. Maybe he always had. Instead of the thought making him panic like he’d expected, he just felt a sort of calmness washing over him. A surety he’d rarely experienced.

Daryl didn’t respond to Carol but he didn’t have to. She understood him perfectly.

-

The house was quiet by the time Daryl got back. He was tired and he thought about just laying down on the couch and passing out but he hadn’t seen Rick yet and despite the walls his mind wouldn’t let him rest until he saw the man was safe for the night.

He crept upstairs quietly so as not to wake anyone and knocked softly on Rick’s door.

“Come in,” the quiet voice from behind the door sounded.

“I’s me,” Daryl poked his head around the door.

Rick was getting ready for bed, having stripped off his shirt leaving only the white undershirt and jeans.

“What is it?” Rick asked looking alert.

“Went to go see Nicholas today.”

“You lay down the law?” Rick smirked, relaxing.

“Somethin’ like that,” Daryl shrugged, “seems like I wasn’t the only one to pay him a visit though.”

“Glenn wants him to live. That’s fine. I just had to make sure he understood the consequences of crossing us again.” Rick paused, “You trust him? Saying that he’s changed?”

“Don’t know. My gut tells me he ain’t a threat not anymore. Don’t mean I ain’t gonna keep a good eye on him.”

“Yeah, you and me both.” Rick sighed.

"Talked to Carol too." Daryl said hesitantly.

"Mhm." Rick nodded. 

"She knows. About us I mean."

"Does she now?" Rick's lips quirk up.

"Figured it out." Daryl swallowed, "Yer not - mad are ya?"

"Why would I be?" Rick asked looking at Daryl quizzically.

"Didn't know if ya wanted ta tell the others. Don't know if there's anything ta tell."

"Didn't know if you wanted to tell them," Rick moved in closer cupping Daryl's face in his hands, "but this isn't a secret Daryl. I'm not trying to hide things. I just don't want to move faster than you want to."

Daryl's throat felt tight, "I'm all for movin' things a little faster."

“Everyone else is asleep,” Rick murmured and Daryl felt his heart speed up at the dark look in Rick’s eyes as he moved forward.

His lips were insistent when the meet Daryl's own, moving hungrily, the kiss deepening quickly.

_Fuck, hope this doesn't end with just kissing tonight_ , Daryl thought.

As if reading his mind Rick reached between them and palmed Daryl's hardness.

"This ok?" Rick breathed into Daryl's mouth.

"Yeah," Daryl moaned trying to deepen the kiss again. It was more than ok.

"You ok if I try something a little more?"

"God yes," Daryl almost whined, pushing his hips into Rick's hand.

He expected Rick to unzip his pants, to reach in and touch him right then but to his disappointment Rick pulled back instead.

“Let me,” Rick whispered and then he’s sinking down to his knees.

Daryl stared down unable to comprehend what is happening. He opened his mouth to protest, to say something but Rick was looking up at him, eyes dark and the only thing that came out of Daryl’s mouth was a small whimper.

Rick slowly pulled the zipper down and undid the button on his jeans before pulling them down below his hips, just enough to free his erection. Daryl could feel the ghost of his breath on him and he clenched his fists at his sides to stop himself from running his fingers through Rick’s hair.

“No underwear, really?” Rick said sounding amused. Daryl wanted to snap back at him that underwear was never high on his list of priorities, that it's uncomfortable, but the cool air on his exposed cock and Rick’s mouth so close now made all coherent thoughts vanish from his head.

He thought how in another world this might be considered going too fast. They should be taking things slow. This thing between Rick and him was still so new. And yet it isn’t. Daryl knew it’s been there for a long time, long before he was able to admit it to himself.

Besides right now, he doesn’t want anything slow.

Then suddenly cutting off all thoughts, Daryl felt the slightest pressure on the head, the slightest wetness. He threw his head back against the wall, legs feeling unsteady, but not before seeing probably the hottest sight he’d ever seen.

Rick had his mouth pressed to the tip just resting there before his tongue swipes out to taste him. Daryl felt like he’s going to explode.

Rick continued to swipe his tongue over the head, his fist slowly pumping the bottom. And then suddenly, ever so slowly, Rick was sinking down his lips and just the barest hint of teeth dragging over his length.

Daryl’s knees wobbled but Rick’s hands are at his hips to hold him up.

The wet sounds were what really caused Daryl’s head to spin. They’re all he can hear over his thundering heart. It all sounded so loud in the quietness of the dark room.

He groaned and involuntarily fisted Rick’s hair as he pulled back, his tongue lazily curving around the bottom.

He could come like this, right now but he bit his tongue and pulled Rick’s hair as he tried to hold back. He didn’t want to come in Rick’s mouth, not without warning the man but his tongue felt thick and useless in his mouth so he just kept trying to push Rick away. But Rick’s either not getting the message or not caring because he began to speed up.

Daryl’s hips twitched forward involuntarily and before he can try to warn Rick again, he’s coming down the other man’s throat.

“Sorry,” Daryl flushed looking away as Rick pulled off wiping at his mouth.

“It’s ok,” Rick stood, “I wanted you to.” And at the half whispered words, the husky tone of Rick’s voice, Daryl cock gave a valiant twitch despite being completely spent.

In an effort to avoid Rick’s eyes Daryl’s gaze lands on the tent in Rick’s pants. He swallowed.

He wanted to – reciprocate but he’s never done it before and he’s nervous. Still more than anything he wanted to give Rick the same pleasure he’d just gotten.

“I want to – can I?” Daryl asked softly and if he’d thought Rick’s eyes had been dark before they were nothing compared to the black pits of lust they were now.

“You don’t have to.” Rick managed to groan out with effort. It was clear that he wanted this and bad, but he didn’t want to force Daryl into anything.

“I want to,” Daryl repeated and suddenly it was all he could think about.

Rick shucked his pants quickly and sat on the edge of the bed in his boxers.

“Underwear, really?” Daryl smirked, coming up to stand in front of Rick, snapping the waist band of the boxers catching a glimpse of the very large dick beneath.

“Don’t tease me Daryl,” Rick begged and Daryl swallowed kneeling down in front of him, suddenly wishing he’d put his pants back on. He felt a little filthy kneeling there half naked.

He tugged on the boxers Rick lifting his hips so he could pull them off. As they came off Daryl couldn’t take his eyes off the hard dick in front of him.

Precome was welling at the tip and Daryl cautiously licked over the head to taste it. It tasted strange, not good but not too bad either.

“Fuck,” Rick groaned fisting the sheets, his hips just barely twitching.

“Just hol’ still for minute,” Daryl murmured before trying to mimic Rick and slowly taking the length into his mouth.

It was hot on his tongue and precome was spilling generously now, Rick shivering all over. Daryl made it about half way before he felt like it was too much, pulling back before he choked. He watched Rick clenching and unclenching his hands at his sides so he pulled off with a lick.

He could feel himself starting to get aroused again at this. The only thing that would make it better were Rick’s hands in his hair. He felt strange asking but at just the thought of it his own dick twitched.

“Put yer hands in my hair.” Daryl said before he could change his mind.

The instant Rick’s fingers slid across his scalp Daryl shivered.

“You like me playing with your hair?” Rick smirked as Daryl slowly sank back down. Daryl moaned.

“You do don’t you?” Rick continued moaning himself, “You want me to pull on it a little bit?”

Daryl hummed around Rick’s cock and Rick’s hand tightened in his hair. Fuck, he really was getting hard again. He didn’t even think that was possible.

He felt so dirty getting off on this, sucking dick, having his hair pulled, but he couldn’t help but reach down and palm himself.

Rick noticing the motion groaned, “Fuck are you hard again Daryl?”

He rolled his hips sinking a little more of his length into Daryl’s mouth. Daryl moaned again louder this time.

Rick’s thrusts began to speed up.

“Daryl I’m gonna – I’m gonna come.”

And while Daryl wanted to reciprocate in every possible way, that was one thing he didn’t think he was ready for. So he pulled off replacing his mouth with his hand and pumping Rick until his hips stuttered and he was coming all over his fist, his eyes clamped shut.

Daryl licked his lips and found that some of the come had gotten onto them.

“Jesus, Daryl,” Rick groaned, “come on, come for me again.”

And his hand was back in Daryl’s hair pulling a bit and Daryl went back to his still hard cock, tugging at it quickly.

He was going to come just like this, Rick’s hand in his hair, his come on his lips, kneeling before him, jerking himself off under Rick’s hungry gaze.

The thought alone was enough to push him over the edge and he came with a moan.

Rick collapsed back onto the bed, “That was –“

“Yeah,” Daryl stood, going over to grab his pants, “I know.”

He felt nervous all of a sudden. What was the protocol here? Should he leave?

He hesitated in front of the door.

“Where are you going?” Rick sat up on the bed to look at him.

“I’m tired so –“

“Daryl Dixon,” Rick growls, “you really think I’m gonna kick you out?”

“I didn’t want ta assume.” Daryl murmurs.

“Stay,” Rick says finally, “if you want to.”

“I do.” Daryl replies and walks back over to the bed hesitantly.

“Come on,” Rick gently pulls him into bed, “let’s get some sleep.”

And Daryl curls up in Rick’s arms feeling at home for the first time in a long time and drifts into sleep, Rick’s relaxed face the last thing he sees before he closes his eyes.


	13. Scarred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are getting closer and closer to the end, I can't believe it! I hope you all have been enjoying this story as much as I have. 
> 
> Thanks again to all those that comment! You really keep me going on this story knowing that people are enjoying it!
> 
> Enjoy this chapter and please feel free to give me any feedback. It is very much appreciated!

The next morning Daryl woke before dawn, blinking his eyes trying to adjust to the darkness. For a second he was disoriented. He was laying on something too soft to be the couch. A bed maybe?

A bed, Rick sitting on the edge of the bed, his hips twitching as he thrust up into Daryl's mouth - 

It all came flooding back all at once. Rick.

He turned on his side to see the man lying peacefully beside him. How had this one man so quickly become his entire world?

It was easy to see why though. Rick drew people too him so easily. He was strong, confident, charismatic, he inspired loyalty. It was easy to see how he could’ve drawn Daryl in so.

But how had Daryl drawn Rick in?

Daryl knew what he was, deep into his bones. He’d always been the same - scarred, twisted, damaged. There was nothing anyone could do to change that. Rick knew him, better than anyone else ever had, so surely he could see that. So why was he doing this? What could Daryl possibly give him?

He sat up in the bed and scrubbed a hand over his face. His head hurt, pounding like a hangover, all the thoughts swirling around in his head.

“Wha’ time is it?” He heard Rick slur, still half asleep.

“Early,” he stood, grabbing his discarded pants from the night before and pulling them on, “go back ta bed.”

“Where’re you goin’?” Rick blinked quickly in the darkness.

“Just gotta clear my head.”

“This isn’t about last night is it?” Rick asked quietly, sitting up, “I didn’t do anything you didn’t want did I?”

“No, it ain’t that,” Daryl said his heart aching at the sound of Rick’s insecurity, at his worry that he’d somehow hurt Daryl. No one had ever been worried about hurting him before. They’d either just assumed he could take it or they just plain didn’t care.

“You’re not second guessing this are you?” And now Rick really did sound worried.

“No,” Daryl replied quickly, “no, I just – why do you want this? With me?”

He hadn't meant to ask that, to ruin what they'd had last night by complicating questions he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to, but it was too late now.

Rick sat up his eyes suddenly sharp and alert, “Because you’re the greatest man I’ve ever known.”

Daryl scoffed, “Don’t feed me that bullshit, Rick.”

“No it’s true.” Rick stood quickly, coming over to stand in front of Daryl, “I know you don’t believe me and that makes me so damn angry at anyone who couldn’t see that in you. That you are a great man. The best man I know. Not many people have survived to this point. The ones who are left have to be ruthless, dangerous people.”

“Or just damn lucky,” Daryl snorted, thinking of the Alexandrians.

“I’m talking about the people who’ve actually been out there. The ones who have seen it. It changes people, seeing what we’ve seen. It changed me. But you,” he cupped Daryl’s face, “you’ve never caved under the pressure.”

“When I lost Lori I forgot about everything else.” He continued, “I forgot that I still had people depending on my, all I could see was my grief. But you stepped up for me, did what I should have. You didn’t give a second thought to saving my little girl. You were out there longer than anyone still searching for Sophia when the rest of us had already given up. But the thing that always amazes me is that I think you’d still do that today. I wouldn’t have let Randall live back at the farm, I would’ve killed Shane sooner. I’ve changed. But you’ve always known yourself, you’ve always been so sure of your actions, you’ve always tried to help people when you can, to be kind when you could so easily be cruel. After all the world’s thrown at us I’d say that’s pretty amazing.”

“Rick,” Daryl choked out unable to say anything else.

“Please don’t doubt that I want this Daryl. Don’t doubt that you are a great man. Because that’s what I see when I look at you. Someone I want at my side, no matter what.”

Rick leaned in to kiss Daryl, his lips soft but still firm as his kissed Daryl with all the feelings he’d just put into words.

“You’re somthin’ else Rick Grimes.” Daryl huffed when they finally broke apart.

“The same could be said about you Daryl Dixon.” Rick said back, before leaning in for another kiss.

-

Rick and Daryl spent the next few days in a haze, stealing kisses when they could, smiling at each other like idiots whenever they saw each other, and just generally acting like love stuck fools.

_But, I guess that’s what we are,_ Daryl thought to himself walking the perimeter fence checking for weaknesses. All he could think about these days was Rick.

Daryl had been sneaking up into Rick’s room every night after everyone else was asleep and staying until morning before sneaking back out. They hadn’t gotten past hot and heavy make out sessions and maybe some jerking off but Daryl wasn’t complaining. Well maybe a little. But for the most part he was still just in shock this was actually happening at all. The whole thing still didn’t even feel real to him sometimes.

Daryl jerked out of his thoughts as he heard someone behind him and he turned to find Aaron walking towards him.

“You seen Buttons today?” Aaron asked Daryl.

“No, why?” Daryl frowned. Aaron didn't look panicked but he there was definitely something off. His mind immediately went to the worst possible situations. Had the horse gotten out somehow? Gotten into some sort of trouble?

“Don’t panic." Aaron continued quickly, seeing the worry on Daryl's face, "It doesn’t look like anything serious but I think he got pretty scraped up. Just thought you should look at it. I couldn't get near him, thought you might have better luck. He was under the apple trees last time I saw him.”

“Ok. Yeah, I’ll go take a look.” Daryl said relaxing a bit. Hopefully Buttons was still there. 

Daryl turned to leave but Aaron was still looking at him strangely though now there was an almost mischievous curl to his lips.

"What is it?" Daryl finally asked, frowning, not liking that look.

“You and Rick seem – good.” Aaron smirked.

“Whatever man,” Daryl shook his head and trying not to smile as he walked away.

“Come on I want some details.” Aaron called after him. "I know something happened."

“Ain’t gonna happen.” Daryl called back over his shoulder.

“One day I’ll get you to spill all your secrets.”

“In yer dreams,” Daryl chuckled.

He made his way quickly to the clearing and thankfully Buttons was right where Aaron had said he would be. As he got closer Daryl could see what Aaron had been worried about, even from far away he could still see the horse's legs were swollen with cuts.

“Hey there buddy,” Daryl walked up to the horse, “ya hurt yerself? Lemme look at cha.”

Closer up to Buttons he could see that the animal’s coat was long and that there were fresh cuts on his legs and chest. Daryl pulled the handkerchief from his back pocket and went over to wet it in the water trough. Coming back to the horse he crouched down to try and clean out the deeper cuts as best he could. He’d go to the infirmary later, see if there was anything better he could use there but right now he just wanted to clean out the hair and dirt.

“That’s it,” Daryl crooned, as Buttons stood stock still staring at him gently rubbing the cut with the wet cloth, “know it hurts like a bitch but you gon’ be alright.”

As Daryl gently cleaned he noticed that beside the fresh cuts there were older scars too. Wounds that had healed over badly, the bare flesh raised against his probing fingers.

Daryl hadn’t noticed the scars before, the horse’s long hair hiding most of them but now that he’d seen them up close he was surprised he hadn’t seen them before. Some of them were deep and long, criss-crossing his chest and legs.

He knew Buttons had surely been out roaming the woods for a while and a few of them looked more recent, no doubt from his time out there, but the others were clearly older. Daryl knew enough about scars to know that those were too straight, too deep, to be anything but deliberate.

Before all of this, Buttons was someone’s horse. Were the old wounds the remnants of some unhappy master or some cruel training? Maybe they were more alike than Daryl had originally thought.

Merle had always said that scars made you stronger but he’d never thought that was true. The scars on his back didn’t make him strong. They were just reminders of how weak he actually was.

“You and me are a pair huh? Got some scars on me too.” Daryl stood, the horse still watching him intently, “After my momma died daddy hated the whole world but especially me. He’d get so mad that he’d take his belt to my back till I couldn’t feel anything but the pain. Sometimes he was drunk, sometimes he was sober, sometimes I’d done something wrong, sometimes I hadn’t. Wasn’t my fault that he hated me but it don’t make any difference. You know that too don’t ya?” Daryl stroked the horse leaning in close, whispering against his neck, “I’m tellin’ ya this so ya know that I’d never hurtcha. Never’d do that ta anyone else.”

“Hey,” Daryl startled at the sound of Rick’s voice behind him, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. He’d been so engrossed in Buttons that he hadn’t even heard the other man approach. How much had he heard?

He turned to see Rick standing there hesitantly dressed in his uniform, no doubt out patrolling.

Daryl looked between Rick and Buttons. Buttons was still wary of other people and would no doubt spook if startled. Luckily it seemed that Buttons had noticed Rick approaching before Daryl had or at least didn’t care because the horse merely eyed Rick warily but stayed put.

“You come ta check up on your newest resident Sheriff?” Daryl smirked turning back to his task, trying not to act nervous. Rick didn’t seem like he’d heard. Surely he would have said something if he had.

“He seems pretty taken with you,” Rick stayed back, and for that Daryl was grateful. Buttons was pretty ok with Daryl but he was still a long way from trusting people completely. 

“Yeah, just cleanin’ up some a these cuts. Wish we had a brush or somethin’. He’s sheddin’ somethin’ fierce and it’s hard ta see anythin’ with all this damn hair in the way.” Daryl peered at a deep cut, trying to pull the horses long hair out of the way so he could see the extent of the wound.

“Yours or his,” Rick joked gesturing at Daryl’s increasingly long hair.

“Hey, not everybody was gettin’ friendly with the town barber.” Immediately Daryl regretted saying it, seeing Rick tense out of the corner of his eye. He'd been careful to avoid talking about Jessie around Rick. That was something that was just better left in the past. Thankfully Rick just ignored the comment.

“Lemme see if I help,” Rick murmured slowly inching his way closer.

Buttons eyed Rick warily, tensing but standing still as Daryl crooned to the horse gently stroking his coat. “That’s it. See he ain’t so bad. Looks kinda like a douche in that outfit but he’s alright.”

“Hey, don’t disrespect the uniform,” Rick said jokingly, inching closer.

Finally he got close enough to hold out his hand for Buttons to sniff. The horse cautiously reached out his muzzle to Rick’s out stretched hand. After a few sniffs Buttons huffed out a disgusted breath, deeming Rick completely uninteresting, before returning to the grass at his feet.

“Thought ya had a treat,” Daryl chuckled softly, “spoiled.”

“Know you’ve been fattening him up on those apples.”

“Needs ta be spoiled a little,” Daryl scratched the horse on his withers, “gone through some shit.”

Rick crouched down slowly, so as not to spook the horse, to get a closer look at one of the deeper cuts on his legs.

He let out a soft whistle at some of the thicker scars covering the horse’s chest.

“Looks like he got into a fight with some barbed wire." He pointed at some of the older scars, "Looks pretty bad but they healed up alright. Don't know what these newer ones are from but these deeper ones need some ointment. Might have something that will do the trick in the infirmary.”

“You have a horse? ‘fore all this?” Daryl asked, curiously. They rarely asked questions about before now but the way Rick moved around Buttons made it clear he knew what he was doing. And Daryl was always curious to learn more about Rick.

“Never had one of my own but when I was younger one of my mom’s friends had a barn. We spent lots of summers out on that farm riding. Always loved horses,” he stood stroking Buttons’ flank, “so when I was in the academy I was eager to go to see the barn they had for the mounted police. A lot of the horses they had were rescues, animals that had been confiscated and didn’t have anywhere else to go.

“I became good friend with Mary, the woman who ran the program and trained all the horse. She was probably a hundred pounds soaking wet but she was fierce when it came to protecting her animals and her friends. I started volunteering, helping her with training and taking care of the farm. There were some bad cases but one horse in particular I'll never forget.

"Mary called me up in the middle of the night and told me to get out to the barn. When I got there I saw this horse, skin and bones.  She’d been whipped so badly there were whole chunks of flesh missing. I’d never seen anything like it in my life. Didn’t know how anything could recover from something like that.

“But Mary didn’t give up on her and after years of recovery and training the horse went on to go into the mounted police. Named her Lucky,” Rick laughed, “and she certainly earned that name surviving what she did. Years later I took Lori out to see her. She’d filled out and all the wounds were healed up but she was still a sight. Her flesh was pitted and hairless in a lot of places where the cuts had been too deep to heal up properly. Lori had such a big heart, she started to cry the moment she saw Lucky. But Mary just shook her head and said ‘Don’t be sad. She’s not.  She’s proud of her scars. See how their raised up and the hair hasn’t grown back? That’s her showin’ off. That’s her sayin’ you couldn’t beat me, I’m still here. Those scars are her badges of honor.’

“You flinched away when I touched your scars but there’s no shame in them. You don’t have to hide them not from me.” So he had heard. Daryl’s heart beat fast in his chest.

“Well your friend was wrong. Ain’t no honor in scars. Maybe for the horse but not for me.” Daryl said bitterly.

“Why are his scars any different from yours?" Rick pointed at Buttons, "Why should his be an honor while yours are a disgrace?”

“What do ya even know ‘bout it?” Daryl snapped, suddenly angry, “You gon’ tell me that my daddy beatin’ me was horrible but it made me strong? Well you’re wrong. Made myself strong. All my daddy every gave me was these scars and no matter what you or anybody says there’s no way in hell I’m gon’ thank him for ‘em.”

“I’m not saying you should thank him." Rick said calmly, "Not even saying they made you strong. I know you did that yourself. I know you’ve been strong enough for all of us sometimes. I’m saying that you’re still here. No matter what happened in the past you overcame it.”

“Walkers don’t get scars.” Rick continued, “Their flesh is gaping, rotting and it’ll never heal because they’re dead. If you scar it means you’ve stayed alive long enough to heal.”

“Nah, it just means you’ve stayed alive." Daryl shook his head sadly "‘What doesn’t kill ya makes ya stronger,’ that’s bullshit. Even if it doesn’t kill ya it can still kick your teeth in. Just cause you’re breathin’ don’t mean it didn’t hurt. Just because the wound’s scarred over don’t mean it’s healed.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Rick murmured pulling his shirt out from his waistband and up to reveal the small knotted scar in his abdomen. Daryl had seen it plenty of times before, he knew the story. Knew that Rick had been shot before all this had started and had woken up to find the world had gone to hell without him. What Daryl hadn’t seen was the way Rick’s abs jumped when he jabbed a finger at the pale skin.

“I look at this scar every day and sometimes I get angry. I look at this I think about all the things that mighta been if I hadn’t gotten shot. If I wasn’t in that coma maybe Lori, Shane, Carl and I woulda made it into Atlanta before the bombs got dropped. I think to myself, maybe if I’d of been there from the start Shane and Lori woulda never happened and then he never would have lost it. But maybe I’d be dead now. Maybe we’d all be dead. Who knows what would’ve happened, if things had been different. Those thoughts will never go away. This,” he poked at the scar, “will never heal. I got shot and Shane went mad over Lori and I lost them both. I could think all these things over and over until I went crazy. But I can’t do that. I can’t think of what might have been or I’ll miss what is.”

“Sometimes all I can think about is what mighta been. I look at my scars and I can’t see anything else.” Daryl admitted quietly.

“It’s easy in this world to forget the little things. It’s easy to get caught up in all the pain we’ve felt, everything that we’ve lost. We can so easily forget everything that we’ve gained.”

“What’ve we gained?” Daryl barked out a laugh, “All I see is a world gone ta shit. We got fuckin’ rotten corpses walkin’ round now. ‘s that what we got now?”

“We got each other,” Rick murmured, looking at Daryl softly, “every time my scar hurts, every time I start thinking about what could have been, what we’ve lost, I think about how if none of this would have happened how I never would have met you.” Daryl flushed staring at Rick, staring at him, “When I think about that my scar doesn’t hurt anymore. When I think about you, everything we’ve lost almost seems worth it.”

“You can’t mean that,” Daryl choked out.

“I do. I miss my wife, I miss my best friend so bad it almost feels too much to bear sometimes, but if I lost you –“

“Yer not gonna lose me,” Daryl murmured moving forward, reaching out to brush his fingertips down Rick’s arm, “not right now anyway. We can’t think about what was or what might be. Right now’s enough.”

“I wanna kiss you right now,” Rick murmured his eyes trained on Daryl’s lips.

“Then do it,” and Rick surged forward his lips brushing Daryl’s and Daryl gasped into the kiss their mouths opening, all other thoughts fleeing from his head.

Every time Rick kissed him it felt like the first time all over again. Like they were coming together, becoming one person. Like they understood each other perfectly. His heart raced in his chest.

Rick’s hands smoothed down his chest, creeping under his shirt. His abs jumped when Rick brushed his fingers across the waistband of his jeans.

“I wanna fuck you,” Rick rasped into Daryl’s ear and he gasped, hardening. Fuck, he wanted that too.

“Not in front a the horse,” Daryl blushed looking over his shoulder at Buttons grazing.

“I don’t think Buttons cares,” Rick laughed into his neck.

“Well I do. Can’t do this with him starin’ at us. Please Rick,” he mumbled, trying to hide his face in Rick’s shirt.

“Alright come on,” Rick took Daryl’s hand and led him back towards their house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to cut it off like this, I hope you guys don't hate me too much. 
> 
> I have the next chapter almost finished but I'm going out of town tomorrow and will have spotty wifi for about a week. I want to upload the next chapter ASAP for you guys but if I don't just know that's why and that I'll still be working on the story so I can upload it as soon as I get back! 
> 
> Thanks again for reading and as always please point out any typos you see that really detract from your reading pleasure. I will try to go back and fix them.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thank god I finally found some wifi! I felt really horrible about that cliff hanger last chapter and wanted to get this to you ASAP but I've only just now gotten access to wifi for my laptop. Anyway hope this was worth the wait.
> 
> This is technically speaking the last chapter but I do have a short epilogue that I'm going to try to post within the next few days. Also since I've enjoyed this story so much I've already started on my next Rickyl fic so I'll post a short summary of that with the epilogue. Hopefully you all will be interested in that too!
> 
> As always comment letting me know what you think and thanks again to everyone who's been reading this! You all are the best!

The house was quiet thankfully with no one around. Daryl knew they must be a sight, their clothes rumbled, hair mused, lips bruised. He was glad no one saw them acting like two teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands off of each other.

After making it up the stairs somehow they tumbled into the bedroom, Rick’s mouth devouring his moans hungrily.

Despite the desire coursing through their veins Rick was careful when he laid Daryl down on the bed hovering over him, just looking at him. For a moment they just lay like that before Rick leaned down slowly, brushing his lips across the side of Daryl’s head just below his hairline. It took him a moment but he quickly realized what Rick was doing.

He was kissing his scars.

Rick kissed the thin scar on his temple; the one Andrea had given him that day at the farm. He brushed his lips over the one on his cheekbone from a fist fight with a strung out Merle that had turned into a knife fight.

He pulled Daryl’s shirt open and kissed the wide scar on his shoulder from his first fall off his motorcycle and the small scratched ones on his chest where one of Merle’s dumbass friends had slashed him with a broken beer bottle.

He kissed the puncture in his abdomen where he’d fallen on his own arrow while looking for Sophia. He even found the small barely there scar just below his ribs where Merle had accidentally shot him with a BB gun.

“Turn over,” Rick voice was deep with lust, mouthing at the scar on his hand where he’d accidentally sliced open his hand learning to skin a squirrel.

Daryl shivered and shook his head. Even now he couldn’t let Rick see those scars. All the others but not those. Please God, just leave those scars alone.

“I want to see,” Rick’s eyes were kind but firm and he tapped Daryl’s shoulder. After a moment’s hesitation Daryl turned over, burying his face in the pillows trying not to think about Rick’s eyes on his bare back.

After what felt like hours of just laying there just listening to his own heartbeat thrum in his eardrums he jerked at the feel of lips on his shoulder blade.

“Don’t,” Daryl grunted as Rick kissed his way along his back, tracing his lips over every scar.

“I’m not gonna patronize you by saying that I can make these better. I can’t and we both know that.” Rick pulled back to trace a finger over a scar, “I know that somewhere, deep down, these will always cause you pain no matter what I do. And that hurts me but I know there’s nothing I can do except tell you that I understand. The past is always there, we can’t hide from it or forget it or erase it. I know you want to and I know that you’ve tried to in the past but I don’t want you to feel like you need to hide these from me. I know enough about scars Daryl Dixon to know that yours are nothing to be ashamed of.”

Daryl lay there unable to answer Rick, his throat felt tight and his eyes pricked with tears, thankful he was face down so he could bury his face into the pillow. He’d carried these scars almost all of his life, the weight of them almost too much at some points. But right now they didn’t feel that way.

He’d seen pity in people’s eyes before when they looked at him and he’d knocked them out for it. But this wasn’t pity. This was understanding, this was acceptance.

Rick respected him enough not to lie to him and say he could kiss all his scars away, this wasn't about that. It was his way of letting Daryl know that he wasn’t going to try to fix him because he didn’t see him as someone who was broken. And Daryl didn’t know how to react to that.

“Way to ruin the fuckin’ mood,” Daryl finally grumbled blinking back traitorous tears.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Rick chuckled darkly, “I can get you back in the mood. I’ll figure something out.”

And then he started back placing open mouthed kisses down Daryl’s back.

Every now and then his tongue would dart out to swirl over his skin, leaving behind a cold trail of saliva that made him shiver.

Rick pulled back and blew lightly on the wet skin making Daryl moan. He felt like he was on fire beneath Rick.

Daryl was sure the wet trail would end at his back but to his surprise Rick continued on, simply parting his cheeks to place another open mouthed kiss on his hole.

“Jesus Christ,” Daryl moaned, trying not to jerk forward.

Rick’s tongue was back ghosting over his hole. He bucked backwards in surprise crashing into Rick’s face.

Rick’s hands came up to his hips to hold in him in place, “Easy,” Rick chuckled, though Daryl more felt it then heard it.

His nose was buried between his cheeks, his tongue licking in constant stripes from his balls to his hole.

“Fuck,” Daryl was moaning nonstop into the blankets now, making small rolls of his hips back in the probing tongue.

“I wanna be inside you,” Rick murmured, pulling back, his thumb going down to trace the trail of his tongue, “Do you want that Daryl?”

Daryl just moaned into the pillow, his hips jerking when Rick’s thumb pressed against his hole.

“Tell me you want that too.”

“Jesus Christ,” Daryl rolled his hips into the mattress, “fuck I want it. Please.”

Rick motioned for him to turn back over and as he did Daryl saw him  reach over to pull out a bottle of lube from the nightstand beside the bed.

“Where’d ya get that?” Daryl panted.

“You’re not the only one who talks to Aaron.” Rick smirked.

The bottle opened with a click and Daryl shivered. He wanted this, wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything. But he was scared too. This felt very real all of a sudden.

If they did this, things would change even more than they already had. He wanted Rick, wanted every part of him but for so long he’d denied that want. It almost felt like too much all at once.

Rick sensing Daryl’s hesitation, kissed him gently.

“Are you ok with this? It doesn’t have to be this way. I can be the one –“

“No, I want this,” Daryl said quickly flushing, “it’s just – I’m afraid I want it too much. I’m afraid I’m gonna want it longer than you will.” Daryl meant to say that he’d never even thought about having sex with a man until a week ago but his worries about something much more important came tumbling out instead.

“I want this for as long as you do,” Rick said and Daryl knew he’d understood.

“I want it forever,” Daryl murmured and Rick smiled.

Rick’s slick fingers were gentle, rubbing circles on his hole. There was the slightest pressure and then his finger was pressed inside.

“Is this ok?” Rick breathed and Daryl could only nod.

It felt – weird but not bad, just overwhelming. The whole thing was overwhelming. Rick looking down at him with black lust filled eyes, the finger inside of him, the constant throb of arousal between his legs, all of it was making his head spin.

The finger started to slowly move in and out and Daryl couldn’t help but gasp.

“Good?” Rick asked.

“Fuck, yeah it’s good.” Daryl grunted closing his eyes when he felt a second finger teasing the outside.

“Another?” Daryl nodded and he felt a slight pinch of pain as the second finger squeezed inside.

“Too much?” Rick asked holding still for a moment.

“Nah, just – intense,” Daryl wiggled his hips a little to feel the fingers inch inside just a little more.

Rick leaned in to kiss him again, his fingers slowly starting to move again.

The kiss quickly went from soft to filthy when Rick scissored his fingers inside, stretching Daryl until he felt like he might break. Teeth and tongues and Daryl’s fingernails raking down Rick’s back, it was all just flashes, all Daryl could focus on was the stretch.

“Can you take one more?” Rick moaned into Daryl’s mouth and Daryl nodded so quickly his forehead almost crashed into Rick’s.

The third finger was a tight fit. Rick’s fingers weren’t small by any stretch and when the tip of his ring finger eased inside Daryl felt the first flare of real pain.

“’m fine,” he grunted, feeling Rick stop. No doubt the pain showed on his face but he’d be damned if a little hurt was going to stop this now.

“You sure?”

“Course I’m fuckin’ sure,” he meant to be sarcastic but the words came out more as whine, “’m ready. I need ya in me.”

“Ok then,” Rick said slicking up and then he was right there, the head just barely pressing inside. It was different than his fingers, thicker, warmer. And then he was pressing in.

It felt like the whole world had narrowed down to where all he could feel was Rick slowly pushing inside of him. It was the most intense thing he’d ever felt.

There was pain, the sharp sting of just too much stretching, but it wasn’t just that. As dumb as it sounded he felt like this meant something, like he was connecting with Rick in a way that extended far beyond their bodies.

They barely breathed until Rick bottomed out, his hips pressed against Daryl. He felt almost cross-eyed with pleasure, he could feel every inch of Rick, every involuntary twitch of his hips, and it made his blood feel like it was all boiling away.

Rick was trying so hard to hold still that he was shaking, sweat rolling down the side of his temples.

“You can move dammit,” Daryl finally croaked and Rick sighed.

“Thank god,” and then Rick was pulling out only to ease back in.

It felt like every nerve ending was on fire as Rick began slowly thrusting into Daryl, both of them still getting used to the feel of it.  

“Shit,” Rick hissed through gritted teeth, “you feel – god – you feel so good.”

“Faster,” Daryl choked out rolling his hips into Rick’s trying to match his thrusts.

Rick obliged and suddenly their movements took on a frantic edge. Daryl could already feel the pleasure coiling up in the base of his spine and when he reached down to tug on himself between their bodies it was almost too much.

Rick was staring at him and his eyes held more than just lust. This was going to over too soon but Daryl couldn’t even bring himself to care.

“I need you Daryl,” Rick gasped, “without you – “

“I know, Rick,” Daryl replied, “I know.”

And then he felt Rick push in hard and then he could feel Rick emptying himself inside of him. The feeling made him moan and grip his shaft tighter causing him to climax moments after.

The pleasure rolled down his body in waves and for just a moment it was just Rick and him in the whole world. He couldn’t think of anything else.

Rick slowly pulled out and Daryl hissed at the feeling, everything suddenly oversensitive. Rick rolled over so he was splayed out on the bed next to him and Daryl turned over onto his side to take in Rick’s face, his rumpled hair, his flushed chest, and spent cock.

They lay there on the bed panting, Rick stroking his hand down Daryl’s back and for once his scars didn't hurt him.

“You ok?” Rick asked finally, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah,” Daryl breathed.

“Meant what I said before,” Rick said softly, tracing the line of a particularly deep scar on Daryl’s back, “I want this for as long as you do.”

“I meant what I said too,” Daryl breathed looking into Rick’s eyes, hoping that he wasn’t about to ruin everything, “about forever. As long as we’re still here I want you. I – I love ya Rick.”

“I love you too,” Rick kissed Daryl again and this time it was so soft and sweet it made Daryl ache. He wanted to lay like this forever.

“Stay.” Rick said simply putting all Daryl’s worries to rest before he could even think them. And he stayed curled up against Rick, his heart light for once, knowing he was exactly where he was supposed to be.


	15. Epilogue: The Scars That Bind Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize in advance for this long authors note but I have so much to say. 
> 
> First of all I can't believe this story is finally done! Believe it or not this started out as a oneshot story that I decided to expand on. Before I knew it this had become the longest fic I've ever written. 
> 
> But I couldn't have done this without all of you reading, commenting and leaving kudos. You really kept me going especially all those who took time to comment on every chapter. You guys are simply the best!
> 
> I promised a sneak peek at the next fic I'm working on so I'll put the summary in the end notes. I have a fair amount written already but I'm not going to start posting it until it's complete. I've learned from this one that it's better to have the story finished then to try to finish it as I post. It's less stressful that way. 
> 
> Anyway I really hope you check it out and most of all I hope you enjoyed this last chapter!

Daryl woke up the next morning, totally relaxed. He could feel the warmth of Rick pressed up against him in the bed and he could see the barest hint of light streaming through the curtains.

He rolled over to look at Rick. His face was slack, lines from the pillow case across his cheek and his hair looking like he’d been through a windstorm. He looked perfect even with a little drool coming out of his mouth.

He lay there for a moment just drinking in the sight, watching Rick’s chest rise and fall, his eyelashes flutter against his cheeks as he dreamed. It made Daryl want to kiss him so much it ached but he didn’t want to wake Rick just yet so he stood quietly and crept downstairs.

As he got to the bottom of the stairs he saw Carl was already sitting in the kitchen as if waiting for him.

 “I know you and my Dad are together now.” Carl said simply and Daryl could only gape at him.

“You do?” he finally managed.

“Yeah, he told me,” Carl said.

“He did?” Daryl repeated awestruck.

“Yeah and he seemed so happy, happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. He told me I should talk to you about it, if I wanted to. So I just wanted to tell you that I’m ok with it. More than that I’m happy about it.”

“You are?” Daryl said apparently only able to manage two words at a time.

“Yeah, I’m glad. For the longest time, after mom, I was afraid he’d never recover. They had their problems, especially at the end, but he loved her for so long I was afraid he’d forgotten how to love anyone else. But I was wrong and I’m glad it’s you. You’re so good with Judith anyway.”

“This ain’t – this ain’t about replacin’ your mom Carl.” Daryl said wondering to himself when Carl had become so wise.   

“I know that,” Carl replied, “but my mom’s gone and Judith will never know her. That thought used to make me sad. But now knowing that it’s not growing up without a mom, it’s growing up with two dads I feel better. I can still tell her about mom but Judith doesn’t need to live in the past feeling sad about a mom that she won’t even remember. She needs you and me and my dad. She needs everyone here now, not someone she’ll never know. We’re all a family now and I couldn’t ask for a better one.”

Daryl blinked quickly trying to chase away the tears that had threatened to well up through Carl’s whole speech.

“Damn kid,” he said, his voice wobbly, “why don’t ya give a man some time to wake up first before you go springin’ all this heavy shit on ‘im.”

Carl laughed.

“What the hell’s goin’ on in here?” Rick asked entering the room eyeing the two of them curiously. His hair was sticking up wildly and there was still a little drool on his face. 

“Nothin’,” Daryl and Carl chorused together before both of them dissolved into a fit of laughter, Rick frowning and asking over and over what was so damn funny. 

-

It was warm with a slight breeze so that afternoon everyone gathered blankets and food  and went out to the field to all have lunch together under the apple trees.

It took a while but everyone had made it out there. Glenn was propped up against Maggie, still pale but looking better.

Tara was looking better too, sitting with Rosita and Abraham as Eugene fussed over her. He kept trying to pile up her plate with food while she kept trying to pass it off to someone else.

Daryl finally heard her yell, "if you try and put another apple slice on my plate I swear on all that is holy that I'll shove it right up your ass."

"I respect that," Eugene held up his hands in surrender before trying to put some chips on the plate instead. 

Carol was fixing the food and trying to referee Michonne and Carl's heated debate about some comic book.

"That doesn't even make sense," Carl groaned. 

"What do you mean? It makes perfect sense. They all but spell it out in the fourteenth issue." Michonne said, stealing something off Carl's plate. 

"I don't even know what you're talking about and I agree with Carl." Carol said causing another round of arguments from both sides.

Even Father Gabriel was sitting nearby looking uncomfortable until Sasha brought him a plate.

Everyone was there for once and it made his heart swell to see everyone together, whole and happy. They’d gone through so much, they deserved this at least.

Rick and Daryl had a large blanket to themselves off to the side so they could set Judith down and let her crawl around.

“Whoa there speedy,” Rick picked up the toddler before she made it off the blanket, “let’s slow down for a minute huh?”

Judith giggled waving her arms and staring at something over Rick’s shoulder.

Daryl turned to find Buttons grazing underneath the apple trees.

“Guess he didn’t want to be left out.” Rick said hefting Judith up so she could see Buttons better. She was giggling like he was the funniest thing she’d ever seen. The horse was ignoring all of them.

“Lookit the pony, baby,” Rick bounced Judith causing her to giggle even more.

“Buttons ain’t a damn pony, Rick.” Daryl huffed.

“What’s easier for a kid to say, pony or horse?” Rick asked, making faces at Judith.

“Horse,” Daryl deadpanned.

“Fine, lookit the cute little horsey,” Rick crooned at Judith.

“Ya best give Buttons some damn respect.” Daryl grumbled, crossing his arms.

“Daryl, his name’s Buttons. Horsey suits him just fine.”

“Damn kids named ‘im. Should be somethin’ badass an’ shit. Blacky or somethin’.”

“Blacky,” Rick snorted.

“Shaddup,” Daryl flushed, “’s a perfectly good name.”

“You sure you’re not getting naming advice from the kids?” Rick nudged Daryl with his shoulder.

“Whatever,” Daryl tried to scowl at Rick but he couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face.

“Come on baby girl,” Rick stood swinging a giggling Judith around, “let’s go get a closer look at this horse of Daryl’s.”

Rick turned back to look at Daryl, “You coming?”

“In a minute,” Daryl smiled up at him.

“Alright,” Rick smiled back and the sight of him, wreathed in the afternoon sun momentarily blinded Daryl. He’d never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

Daryl grinned even wider and he knew if he saw himself in the mirror he’d look like a loon but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was so happy, the happiest he’d ever been and it wasn’t just Rick, though he was a big part of that.

Watching Rick carefully walk up to Buttons, the horse finally taking an interest in the gurgling toddler, Daryl felt like things were good, for the first time in a long time. He had a family he was proud of for the first time in his life, a place he could call home, and people he could trust. Here, at the end of the world, he’d found this little bit of peace. Even just seeing Buttons grazing and lazily flicking his tail warmed his heart in ways he’d never thought possible.

The world had changed him but loving Rick had changed Daryl most of all. It had started slow but like a stone rolling down a steep hill it just picked up speed as time went on. Daryl didn’t even know he had changed until it was too late. But now he could feel it.

Because Rick had left his mark on him. They’d become intertwined. Like the way a bolt would rust into its hole, like the way a tree would grow around the vines covering it, engulfing them until they became one thing.

It felt like they were both hanging on by a thread, the whole world was. But if they held on to each other, if they became intertwined it was no longer a thread that held them together. It was a scar.

And maybe together they were like a scar. They were two side of a wound raw, open, and painful. They had their own jagged edges but when they came together they started to heal, fusing together until they were one. Together they could come back from the pain of their past stronger and better for it.

If Rick was a scar, marking Daryl, binding them together, then it was one scar Daryl would proudly wear.

-

“There are names for what binds us:

strong forces, weak forces.

Look around, you can see them:

the skin that forms in a half-empty cup,

nails rusting into the places they join,

joints dovetailed on their own weight.

The way things stay so solidly

wherever they've been set down—

and gravity, scientists say, is weak.

 

And see how the flesh grows back

across a wound, with a great vehemence,

more strong

than the simple, untested surface before.

There's a name for it on horses,

when it comes back darker and raised: proud flesh,

 

as all flesh,

is proud of its wounds, wears them

as honors given out after battle,

small triumphs pinned to the chest—

 

And when two people have loved each other

see how it is like a

scar between their bodies,

stronger, darker, and proud;

how the black cord makes of them a single fabric

that nothing can tear or mend. “

-Jane Hirshfield, _For What Binds Us_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all don't mind that little bit of self-indulgent fluff, even if it is a little corny. Anyway thanks so much for reading and here is your sneak peek I promised.  
> -  
> Things are different from the last time Rick saw Daryl. They’d been different people.
> 
> It had been the summer he’d turned 20. They'd both been working on Rick's uncle's farm. Rick had been trying to figure out life as a single man after dating Lori Stevens since freshman year and struggling with whether he even really wanted to become a cop. Daryl had been just trying to get away.
> 
> Daryl had been different too, younger, blonder, less angry and quicker to smile. Earning Daryl's trust had been like swimming out to sea. For weeks he was battered by the waves of Daryl’s anger but when he finally broke through they'd enjoyed a two month calm. They were invincible that summer. Or at least until it ended too soon.
> 
> Even now standing in front of Daryl for the first time in almost 12 years, despite the world going to hell, despite Daryl hating him all over again, Rick thinks that things might not have changed as much as he thought.
> 
> Because meeting once under impossible circumstances is coincidence but meeting twice? Rick hates to use the word fate but if it applies…


End file.
